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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

182 replies

ThatJadeDreamer · 24/09/2024 17:29

We've been advised that my son is a good candidate for academic scholarship and large bursary at Eton or similar and we are thinking about applications and testing. Both he and his little brother go to a "requires improvement" state school that isn't very good and DS is super bright. We don't have any money to pay fees for private schools. The amount of fee remission/academic scholarship offered by smaller day schools near us is far too small to be helpful, so public boarding school with massive scholarship or regular state school are his only options.
Here's the issue: his younger brother is one year behind him. He's very academic too but not in the same league as older brother, and very different/wouldn't like the same school as his brother.
But how do we explain the difference? If we can't send younger brother to any private school at all, should we decide Eton/similar is off the table for eldest?

I am totally on board with picking schools for kids based on their differing needs but these two different outcomes seem so extreme, I could really use some advice!

OP posts:

Needtobefitterrr · 03/10/2024 06:58

I dated someone once whose brother went to a prestigious private school on a scholarship. He went to state. He used to joke constantly (which never felt much like a joke) that he was the “stupid one” and that his brother was clever. He had parent issues too.

I have no idea what the right answer is, but if you choose for one to go down this public school road, you’ll need to work hard to make the other not feel stupid or not good enough!

I also think going to boarding school on a full scholarship probably doesn’t do much for your self esteem (feeling poor or different or out of step?). If he’s that clever and doing that well at state, why move him? He’ll succeed anyway.

Eton2025 · 21/01/2025 23:32

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 25/09/2024 19:02

But skiing trips and horse riding aren’t compulsory. I know any number of boys who’ve passed through five years of public school without doing either.

Uniforms can be bought second hand - and there’s no stigma attached to that.

I am aware that the very poorest families can be offered more than just the bare fees. In general, from what I’ve seen, not even those on 100% bursaries are expected to go without modest holidays, up to date technology, etc - because it’s obviously easiest if boys have some commonality of experience. But teens, on the whole, value each other for their individual qualities, not their parents’ bank accounts.

My son has got an offer and 100% bursary and everything else covered, for Sept 2025 (Year9).
We are just a normal family living in East London.
Thank you. Your comment is encouraging.

ExEtonParent · 23/01/2025 15:10

I would give anything for a place in Eton.

FairlyFarleigh · 28/01/2025 11:22

CatherineDurrant · 25/09/2024 20:54

I'm sad at people on here think that Boris Johnson is the way he is due to an Eton education. Boris was Boris before he ever spent a night there,

If your son has a shot at a fully financed education which includes required uniform and kit, I'd say explore the opportunity. Furthermore, Eton isn't the only interesting school in the UK and there are other more academic schools if you're looking Europe-wide. Depends what suits...

If successful, your son won't be the only child there being assisted financially by the school so if you're concerned about disparity, perhaps arrange to have a chat with another bursaried student when you visit; I'm sure they would be delighted to reflect on their own experience. I strongly suspect however that Eton will have that situation fully covered without prompting.

I would argue that being fair here means recognising and respecting the fact that your children are individuals and what suits one may be awful for the other.

You're not talking about whether to spend significant cash on one child and not on the other, this is soley about opportunity. Fairness is your support for an application to a school, which by bursary or by being a state option, is a result of the child's choice. So DS2 may not be Eton bursary material but precious few are. There are other schools who offer means-tested full bursary assistance and take the most able children. DS2 may however come through open days and decide he'd rather go to the local state school with his existing friends. Being fair is respecting that.

I went to public school and my sister chose local state school. We're still the sisters we were and most importantly, each of us recognises that we would have suffered in each other's schools. School experience, particularly a boarding experience, obviously shapes everyone, but blood is thicker than education.

Give yourself permission to follow up the opportunity if it's what your DS1 chooses and best of luck going forward. :)

This is spot on. .
My BIL went to Eton and his sister to the local comprehensive. He wasn't on a scholarship or bursary, it's more that the parents couldn't afford to do the same for both at the time. The siblings had vastly different educational experiences but remain very close.

There used to be a regular poster with username @peteneras and also @nightvision (I think the same poster, but maybe not). Their DS won a full scholarship to Eton and had a wonderful experience- might be able and willing to give you a view based on experience, @ThatJadeDreamer

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 28/01/2025 11:50

Although there are people with much more recent experience of family members receiving huge bursaries at the school in question. They post constantly with informed up to date information and experience. Up to readers if they want to take any notice, or not …

🤷‍♀️

ExEtoParent · 28/01/2025 20:20

The Holy Trinity indeed is right here again after a long absence. How's everyone doing?

First off, the Mumsnet username acceptance is a load of rubbish; I posted a message successfully earlier on and using the same username now (ExEtonParent) it wouldn't allow me in. As you can see here I'm now "ExEtoParent". Marvellous!

As everyone knows, I'm an ardent cheerleader for Eton. Undeniably, I feel we owe Eton a tremendous lot for everything the School had done for us although Eton never asked for a repayment, quite unlike other benefactors when they offer to help. For this reason alone among many others, my support for Eton is indefinite.

So OP, I strongly suggest you go for it and don't hesitate to ask for bursaries whenever you need help.

ExEtoParent · 28/01/2025 20:55

Some old timers here over the years asked me where is my Old Etonian son now. I'm proud to say he's a medical doctor now, having spent 6 years in a London medical school breezing past each year and qualifying in 2017 with distinction. Note there's no classes of degree in Medicine; you either pass or fail.

He did opt for a year out in the 6-year course doing another degree when he earned a BSc First Class (Hons) as well as his MBBS later. So it's all thanks to Eton for a rock solid foundation for medical school.

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