Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

[ThatJadeDreamer]

We've been advised that my son is a good candidate for academic scholarship and large bursary at Eton or similar and we are thinking about applications and testing. Both he and his little brother go to a "requires improvement" state school that isn't very good and DS is super bright. We don't have any money to pay fees for private schools. The amount of fee remission/academic scholarship offered by smaller day schools near us is far too small to be helpful, so public boarding school with massive scholarship or regular state school are his only options.
Here's the issue: his younger brother is one year behind him. He's very academic too but not in the same league as older brother, and very different/wouldn't like the same school as his brother.
But how do we explain the difference? If we can't send younger brother to any private school at all, should we decide Eton/similar is off the table for eldest?

I am totally on board with picking schools for kids based on their differing needs but these two different outcomes seem so extreme, I could really use some advice!

My Dad got a scholarship to private school. Went on to a good professional career, nice house, put his kids through private school, multiple foreign holidays a year, you name it. Same for one of his brothers. His other brother wasn’t as academic and has never really held down a job, and recently narrowly escaped prison. Always borrowing money from my Dad and anyone else he can.

Why would it have been right to hold my Dad and my one uncle back because of the other uncle? I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for the opportunities my Dad got.

This is so tricky.

Here are things I think you need to consider. For context I have a DH who was super bright and got into Oxford at 14 (took place at 16) whose parents didn't actively try to find what was right for him academically when he was a child. He just took A levels at the local tech.

I also have a DS (less bright, but still bright who went to an Eton equivalent for three years 13-16 and then to a local day private sixth form).

1. Think about the effect of your decisions on the sibling relationship
2. Bear in mind you're going into teen years when peers and peer relationships become more important. DH still has friends from that time and they are very different intellectually, always have been.
3. Be skeptical of the promises you hear from e.g. housemasters. what they promise you or tell you is probably based on the good relationships they have with some boys, and not the more difficult relationships they have with others. Matron can be a key figure too. There's staff turnover too.

Have you asked the younger son where he would like to go?
I have twins - one goes to a private school due to her sen needs....the other goes to a local school and that is what he wanted / wants. He likes walking to school and hanging out with his mates....did not want to go private - in fact I used to threaten him with sending him private to motivate and improvement in grades.
Personally, I can't see how you can tell a child with a scholarship they can't go there because their sibling is not bright enough to go too.
Does your eldest want to board at Eton? Are you sure he even wants to go?
Your youngest might dislike the idea of boarding anyway.

Have you asked their opinions? I would have HATED the idea of boarding. I don't think you can hold one back if he really wants to try though.

Ditto, mine are one school year apart, I couldn’t do this, it would tear apart the family with long-term resentment.

I also say try Christ’s Hospital for both.,

Boris Johnson went to Eton on a scholarship. Look how that turned out.
Bingo!
Nicola Sturgeon went to state school. Look how that turned out.

These people with dough can smell the unrich at twenty paces. Whatever connections you think he might make from it, he likely won't because he is not one of them.

1 in 5 boys at Eton have full or partial burseries so that’s nonsense.

Are you saying that a fifth of boys who go to Eton are from modest backgrounds?

LochKatrine · Today 21:15

Are you saying that a fifth of boys who go to Eton are from modest backgrounds

I have no idea what backgrounds they are from. I said 1 in 5 has full or partial help with fees.

That's not really what you implied. You were challenging a poster commenting that they were all wealthy. You don't really know.

I think it would be really unfair to hold one child back to "make it fair" for another. It's NEVER going to be equal so you should push both to be the best they can be within their individual limits

That's not really what you implied. You were challenging a poster commenting that they were all wealthy. You don't really know.

Nor do you.
Bursaries aren’t handed out lightly. If the parents could afford to pay the full fees they wouldn’t be given a bursary.

I second Christs . Really good school. I know a few friends who have had this educational split and they sent them to Christ Hospital. Great academics but won't create such a divide. Nice down to earth kids - all very bright from mixed backgrounds.

I never said I knew.
I suspect, however, that Eton is hardly an exercise in educational diversity and inclusion.

It doesn't help. I keep seeing this again and again touted around here on MN on social media. I went to private school and I have zero connections. I got all my jobs off my own back. I've never rung up any friends and said "oh give me a job".

I have ZERO connections. I imagine it's the same for most of the Eton too. Most people pass out of private school and into the real world, get a job and steadily work their way up.

And it's just not possible these days for companies to shoe someone in because they went to Eton together.

Companies and government ask for clean applications - ie, you can't put your school down anymore. You only put your grades.

Large corporates don't employ their employees' friends. It just doesn't happen anymore.

Want to work for a top flight bank - go to Cambridge and do maths.

Want to work for one of the big five accountants - do maths or economics at a Russel Group uni

Want to work for a magic circle law firm - study law or similar and prepare for a grilling at interview with all these companies. These positions don't come easily.

Let's not talk etiher about immigrant work ethic and education and how competitive that segment of the job market is either. What about their network? Or dare I saw it, the Jewish network? I often see this in many places I've worked in. I'd say those networks are far stronger based on creed and culture.

Even parents at these big corporates can't squeeze their kids in these days. Eton contacts can't either.

I'm not sure what these networks are that people endlessly wheel on about.

If anything I'd say Eton is these days tarnished by that disgusting politician Boris Johnson. If I had the opportunity to send my kids there, I'd actively avoid it because the name has taken a real nosedive and I'd not want to saddle my kids with being lumped in the same bracket as Boris.

I'm not against private schools but please do believe me, there are no networks. Graduate recruiters aren't allowed to 'let someone in' because they were at school at Eton together.

There are too many checks and too much oversight from people on high, interviews are done by multiple people these days and there's too much 'clean' applying for this too happen.

Perhaps the only place where Eton education might be worth something is in the Tory party, among MPs...

But I'd imagine even that will change before long. People up and down the country, including me, are sick of Eton MPs.

I personally wouldn’t consider private school for one and not the other except for significant SEN reasons.

I would ‘cross that bridge when you come to it’. The process of applying to private senior schools is onerous. If your older child ends up being accepted and offered a scholarship/bursary I’m sure your younger child will have a better idea what is required and might not want to follow in their sibling’s footsteps.

Here you go:

www.etoncollege.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Bursaries-Guidance.pdf

I grew up with some siblings at state and some at private (I was state) - absolutely no resentment then or now. Eton however is quite a jump! If you hold the oldest back and then discover the youngest has some amazing talent - maybe he’s the next Beckham - are you going to hold him back also go be fair to both?
why don’t you apply and go visit and see what you think if you get the offer - apply for state also obviously

If anything I'd say Eton is these days tarnished by that disgusting politician Boris Johnson
@Mabs49

Do you think Fettes is tarnished by Tony Blair? Or Winchester by Rishi Sunak?
Maybe Phoenix College, Wimbledon is tarnished by the fact Kemi Badenoch went there.

I'm not interested in reading through all their bursaries guidance! It won't show the whole picture.

Lots of less wealthy private schools are going to cut bursaries massively to try and offset the vat - unfortunately will likely mean big bursaries will be hard to come by

I went to Christ's Hospital. Kids much more down to earth than Eton, and if the younger is less academic (but still bright) you can get a governor to sponsor your application which reduces the exam entry requirements.

The whole ethos is to take bright kids who don't come from the sort of families who could afford Eton.

Christ's Hospital School is being seriously plugged on here! Must be good.

"If you hold the oldest back and then discover the youngest has some amazing talent - maybe he’s the next Beckham - are you going to hold him back also go be fair to both?"

This!!

Yes! It’s as if no other schools with bursaries exist. As with all threads like this, there is so much misinformation and stereotyping.