Eton for one child, nowhere for another - what do you think?

[ThatJadeDreamer]

We've been advised that my son is a good candidate for academic scholarship and large bursary at Eton or similar and we are thinking about applications and testing. Both he and his little brother go to a "requires improvement" state school that isn't very good and DS is super bright. We don't have any money to pay fees for private schools. The amount of fee remission/academic scholarship offered by smaller day schools near us is far too small to be helpful, so public boarding school with massive scholarship or regular state school are his only options.
Here's the issue: his younger brother is one year behind him. He's very academic too but not in the same league as older brother, and very different/wouldn't like the same school as his brother.
But how do we explain the difference? If we can't send younger brother to any private school at all, should we decide Eton/similar is off the table for eldest?

I am totally on board with picking schools for kids based on their differing needs but these two different outcomes seem so extreme, I could really use some advice!

Thanks all. Alot of food for thought here. I really appreciate it.

The whole ethos is to take bright kids who don't come from the sort of families who could afford Eton.

What on earth do you imagine Eton’s own bursaries are for??

The point is, CH isn't a school for wealthy kids that also offers some bursaries. It's a school for bright kids whose families are not going to afford a private education. It's more like a school for poor kids and ordinary kids with a few kids paying full fees. That means that the demographic is definitely different. Many of the current intake, for example, are really able Black kids from London boroughs. In my day, it was a lot of Vicars' children and kids who had lost a parent early so were single income families.

It's a very different experience as a school from being a bursary kid at Eton or similar. Not necessarily better, but it's naive to say it's not a very different establishment.

See my message above! It's about the demographics.

The point is, No child at CH could afford to be at Eton. A good 80 percent of Etonians can.

What on earth do you understand about CH?

Oddly enough, @IndiganDop, I know, and know pupils and alumni of, both schools. Some of my closest family friends (people I grew up with) attended it, and others have children there now.

I’m sure you’re aware that‘Black kids’ are also allowed into Eton? Some are from wealthy families, others on bursaries. And I’m afraid I don’t subscribe to any idea that Black children should only attend schools for poor kids and ordinary kids as you put it. They’re perfectly capable of thriving at Eton, too.

If you can get a scholarship for him then I'd take it. Blimey, are they still giving them out since VAT on fees? I thought private schools were trying to help fee paying parents by not putting fees up where possible given the increased costs. I suspect bursaries will soon stop for most private schools. Though I guess Eton may be different....

You are twisting my words there and you know it. Where have I said Black students can't go to Eton? Or can only attend schools for "poor and ordinary kids"?

The facts are;
20 percent of Etonians have some degree of bursary support.

20 percent of CH students pay full fees.

It's a different set up, and if OP wants a school that both her children have a chance of getting a private education in, as a person who would not be able to pay full boarding fees, the fact is that it's a better odds chance, since she says herself that her younger boy is bright, but not scholarship to Eton bright.

It's just a suggestion for the OP to consider. I have no idea why you are getting your knickers in such a knot about it.

Yes, yes, no.

Who on earth chooses a school based on politicians who went there! Look at the report that’s in the public domain written by an Eton master about Boris Johnson. Basically that the Eton rules didn’t apply to Boris. They had his number back then. Plus what about all the decent people who did go to these schools? My DD knows a few old Harrovians. All really decent men.

I think they do know the bursary scholars but they admire them. I think the bigger question is getting in from a state school. Bursary dc with scholarships at preps look at these places keenly.

To some extent I feel private school has had its day in the U.K.

Its becoming so expensive I can’t see it lasting so well now.

Given that Oxbridge now take between 60-70% state school educates children and rightly so, and RG unis are also changing quotas im not sure what PS offers so much these days.

If you go to PS your grade offer will often be higher than local state school.

That along with the likes of Boris Johnson and Sunak and even Blair, it sits uncomfortably with me these days.

I have two at PS but they are both SEN and I think probably this is one area that should remain.

each to their own and all that. This is just one opinion.

And yes I’d be embarrassed to say my DS was at Eton. It’s become an embarrassing name in my view. Unlucky for them that Johnson went there. And his cronies like Cameron and Osbourne. The bullingdon club. It just reeks of patriarchy.

Do not send one kid to private school and one to state, this will cause resentment for years to come

Yes, yes, no.

@Mabs49 is it only public schools which are tarnished in your view?
What about Oxford? Loads of Tory politicians went there - since everyone is fed up with Tories then Oxford should also be tarnished.

And his cronies like Cameron and Osbourne.
@Mabs49
Osborne went to St Paul’s so that’s another tarnished school for your list.
Are state schools exempt from tarnishing even those which may have a disgusting Tory MP amongst their alumni?

I don’t think it’s “unlucky”

I think Eton encourages its pupils to think they are superior.

I think probably old Oxford is tarnished to some extent.

I say this as a privately educated person myself. the private School education system has been grossly unfair to state school children for many years and been far too biased. It helped create Boris Johnson after all.

Yes power corrupts. Have you read Lord of the Rings? It’s a good starting point.

No I’m not a fan of St Paul’s either.

Have you visited Eton? You couldn’t pay me to send my child there. It’s mostly about contracts for future and honestly, your family won’t be of the same league. Ds will see his friends getting private jets and you won’t be able to afford butlins. I’m not anti independent schools in general but there’s others that would be a better fit.

I find this thread so odd. What kind of "requires improvement" state school would recommend a specific class of boarding school, maybe a specific boarding school seemingly in another part of the country, for one of its pupils?

One sibling boards whilst the other lives at home is a much more fundamental difference than the relative academic standards

I think for someone with no friends or family at a similar place, Eton and nearly all of its pupils would seem utterly ridiculous.

Very few kids at Eton get all their fees paid. Almost half of the ones who do are sixth formers. The average bursary is about 70% - paying even 30% of a set of Eton fees is easily enough to pay one set of regular local private school fees and at the bottom the of the market make a pretty decent dent in two.

I know dc who went to Eton. Old money but no private jets! Boys often just find like minded dc to be friends with. It’s a big school so no shortage of friends. Lots of people don’t splash cash like that and are much more discrete.

Eton doesn't start till y9 so presumably both DSs will go to an ordinary state secondary for y7&y8. Let both try out for scholarships/bursaries if they wish but be clear that anything less than 100% fee remission means they can't go. DS2 will probably decide for himself not to go for it but don't make the choice for him, be encouraging and supportive if he wants to try, but make sure he knows that no one's value as a person is measured in academic prowess.

(DH got a 100% scholarship to an ancient private school - not Eton - his little brother didn't but his talents are in creative arts and music rather than academics. Both of them have quite complex and quirky personalities so it's difficult to know whether this history contributed to their general screwedupness but there's no resentment between them for the very different paths their education took)

He would be better prepared going to a prep school until 13. That’s why this post is a little odd. Why Eton? Is dc already at a secondary? It’s a RI school but is it a primary? The op talks about fee remissions for scholarships at other private schools but not bursaries. They won’t all disappear. However the bursary places at Eton are like gold dust.

Eton?! Where half (?) the last Tory shit show went to who brought UK to the brink?!

I think you can do better than that.

Just let him go to a local school where he can make friends that he can hang around with, as a child or a teenager.

My sister got a full scholarship at a posh private school and I went to the local state comp. I didn’t like my school but I never felt jealous of my sister as I think I would have hated that school even more.

I agree with your point about not denying one sibling one opportunity because of the other sibling. However you cannot compare your friend's situation to this. One child going to private and the other grammar are not the same as Eton vs state school. Some seem to view grammars as 'state' but they are not in the same category. Grammars are still seen as privileged education of the super selected to most people. My uncle sent 3 kids to independent and one to grammar and the kids felt no difference as both seemed highly favourable. For OPs DCs the difference will be life changing. Whether that's something OP is willing to risk that's up to her. Depends how she presents it to both.

@ReadingSoManyThreads oops there's the tag!