Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

Guilt tripping.

I think you are overreacting. Of course they want to try to get her to her GCSE exam - after all the time she has invested to get to this stage they are hardly going to want her to miss the exam and possibly fail or not get the grade she needs. And of course it is up to the exam board, and they are very likely to ask for evidence because they won't give out free passes easily. I don't see any guilt-tripping or any suggestion that you are lying. Obviously you are worried about your daughter, but blaming the school for trying to ensure that she doesn't miss out, or not being able to answer for what the exam board will do is hardly doing them, you or her any service.

I think you misunderstand. There has been endless evidence from the GP, including the extensive letter sent yesterday.

Sounds like a difficult situation all round but I’d agree with the PP that it doesn’t sound like the school think you are lying they just really wanted your DD to be able to complete her exam.

I would take her to the exam but ask the school if you can wait/take her in. Id wait in the car to reassure her you are there. Plenty of water and sleep first. She will be more anxious for missing it probably.

There has been endless evidence from the GP, including the extensive letter sent yesterday.

The school still can't speak for the exam board. The evidence will be presented, but the decision as to what to do is the exam board's.

She’s too ill. She’s lying in a dark room with a blinding headache.

The school are thinking of the long term here - I don’t disagree with what they have said here.

How am l meant to take a kid who is too ill to walk, with a blinding headache to an exam?🤷🏼‍♀️

So she had the worst headache ever on the day of the exam (today)? Or the night before?

I can understand not being able to do an exam because of a migraine but is what is happening (I found your OP a little unclear)?

School are doing the right thing

You still don't have to send her

I don't think the school are wrong here, they probably want her to try her best rather than completely fail. They are thinking long term here. All that work for nothing basically.

That said migraines are bloody awful, but if she was only recently diagnosed they haven't had time to prepare for this with the exam board.

The school has a duty to get all students in to sit the exam. Can you imagine if they just shrugged their shoulders at every kid that didn't turn up?

They still have no power over the exam boards decision about your daughter's final grade.

She has had the worst migraine she’s ever had. It started last night, and has got worse through the night.

I get it OP

i understand them trying to encourage her but if she is clearly too unwell to get there and participate then they need to put protocols for this sort of thing into effect.

not knowing what the exam board will do is bullshit. There is protocol for students who are incapacitated by illness/injury.

hope you get things sorted and get settled with medication. I recommend rizatriptan if she hasn’t tried that yet.

I know there is a protocol and this is what pissed me off.

There was an assumption that she was malingering. There’s 3 doctors letters. Not sure what else they need. Should l send her in when she can’t see straight with a blinding headaches to get a U grade? That’s what people seem to think? How can she perform when she’s that I’ll?

I’m assuming you’ve never had a migraine. The pain is immense and all consuming. You need to just lie in a dark, quiet room, trying to get your head settled in a position this might, just might, possibly make the agony a fraction better, waiting and hoping that the meds you’ve taken might eventually ease it off, or you get to sleep to escape it. There’s not a chance in hell I could get up, get ready and go out to do anything when in the middle of one, never mind sit in a room and focus on an exam.

Im sure there must be a contingency plan for this sort of scenario op, people are ill or injure themselves regularly, so there has to be a plan for dealing with it, whether it’s sit it later or assess from previous work/papers. I hope your daughter finds something that works well for her migraines going forward.

It can be very frustrating when you feel you are not being believed. And so difficult in this situation which is very important to your daughter.

All that matters right now is her health, try to hide your upset from her and reassure her that it’ll all work out so that she can focus on resting.

Then try to calm yourself by doing whatever usually works for you, a walk?

All you can do is provide evidence to the exam board or whoever, no amount of angst will change that.

Whatever you do, don’t put any more energy into getting angry or emotional. You are the parent and your daughter needs to know you e got her back.

School are doing their job in running through potential options.
If she’s too I’ll for the exam, you’ll need a letter from her doctor (separate to what’s already been submitted) in relation to the exam day. You’ll probably have to pay for this

not knowing what the exam board will do is bullshit. There is protocol for students who are incapacitated by illness/injury.

That would vary greatly depending on the nature of the illness/injury and the evidence that is available. The school will do their bit, but will still have no control over the outcome.

It's so hard, I hope she finds something that helps the migraines soon, avoidance unfortunately does not tend to make anxiety better....is she accessing therapy?there are some great resources online about emotional coping skills.

I can’t see what the School have done wrong. My daughter is the same, I’ve posted before re it, we have to ensure no gaps in the pain relief up to and through the exams.

My daughter has abdominal migraines which are awful and when that passes it moves to a head migraine, it’s a physical reaction to stress.

My daughter also vomits with them, the School sit her at the front incase she needs to leave, which she had to do during her last exam to be sick. Although she does have extra 20 minutes.

It’s awful and I’m so pleased she had her last exam last week. Good luck to your daughter, breathing exercises help, it tough to see them go through.

I know you will have done everything right - I'm a long term migraine sufferer and it is incapacitating at times. For years I was told to take 'propranalol' daily as a preventative. It helped to a degree but I saw a locum doctor, whose wife suffered badly too and suggested another medication, a silver bullet (his words not mine!) - sumitriptan, everyone is different with medication but this has saved me soooo many times! It can knock your socks off a little when you first take it but an hour or so you will feel groggy but should be able to manage an exam?

Might be worth asking the GP - again I'm not suggesting I know everything but might be worth an ask for the next exam? Measures will be in place to ensure that if someone is taken I'll, it can be retaken.

If she's already sat one history exam the exam will use that to assess her grade. It's not exactly an unusual situation, not sure why all the hand wringing. Though as these are the first exams in three years perhaps that's why.