Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Horrible phone call with school😭

341 replies

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 09:05

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
NameChangeForThatOne · 21/06/2022 10:42

motogirl · 21/06/2022 10:36

The school are thinking about her, exam board rules are that schools need to try to get kids to take exams even those in hospital sit them. It's very tough, nobody is doubting that but school cannot pretend that the exam board will take this into consideration, a blinding headache is horrible but most people could still function, yes I get migraines and it's really horrible, I dose up on painkillers and can't even drive because of the flashing but I carry on because I have to, bills don't stop because you have migraines.

It's not a headache though.....

A migraine means been unable to read, needing to stay in a dark room, no noise. Often accompanied with nausea and/or being sick. My son gets visial disturbances too so he can't see what's in the middle of his eyes. No way he could read.

Absolutely not the same than a very bad headache (plus of course a migraine doesn't just go away whereas a bad headacje eases of with painkiller, even if you need to take codeine for it)

Needmorelego · 21/06/2022 10:42

Unless she has a major desire to become a historian then she doesn't need a GCSE in history.
Has she sat the 'important' exams - English and Maths? If so then she has done what she really needs to do.
Then she never has to do an exam again in her life if she doesn't want to.
Health is more important than exams.

antelopevalley · 21/06/2022 10:42

Most people do not understand what a migraine actually means. They think a bad headache. It comes from ignorance.

Redbone · 21/06/2022 10:43

I think that you are overreacting here.
If your daughter has missed an exam she needs to send in a doctor’s note from the day her exam was due to be taken to send to the exam board. It is at the exam board’s discretion as to whether they accept it or not. Please do not rage at the school they obviously think that they are doing their best for your daughter.

bumpermom · 21/06/2022 10:44

I had a migraine yesterday, I couldn't see, vomiting, blinding pain. I have meds from the doctors and they knock me out, I couldn't even work. I can't imagine trying to sit a GCSE test like that. Your poor DD.

10HailMarys · 21/06/2022 10:49

I completely understand why you're worried about your daughter and of course she can't sit an exam with a severe migraine, poor kid.

However, I think maybe your stress and worry over her situation might be making you a little over-sensitive to the school's comments. I know they've had all the doctor's letters etc, but they have hundreds of pupils and I'm guessing that as a matter of routine they always try to push for a student to sit an exam if they think there is the tiniest chance that it might be viable. You're obviously a responsible parent doing the best thing for your daughter and you know that she is too ill to manage it, but they will also take calls every year from parents who want to excuse their child from exams because they've got a bit of a sniffle or are feeling a bit tired, so they have to question parents as far as they can - and, of course, make them aware of the need to provide a doctor's note and any caveats about the possible consequences from the exam board etc. I don't think it's at all the case that they're accusing your child of malingering. She is your DD so of course you are protective of her and of course you know everything about her medical history etc and probably know every letter and every appointment that's been sent and received to the school off the top of your head, but the school have hundreds of pupils with a whole range of issues and needs so they won't necessarily immediately remember on the spot the details of your DD's migraine problems.

You, and more importantly your DD, are not going to benefit from you hanging on to your anger and stress over this call, so try to let it go for now if you can and focus on helping your DD stay as calm and quiet as possible so she doesn't pick up on your stress, and then do whatever you need to do re. the requirements of the exam board. Migraines are foul and it's horrible to watch someone suffer with them, so I sympathise hugely with you both, but you gain nothing from getting so worked about the phone conversation.

Original poster
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 10:50

It’s Sumpitriptsn. It only seems to work at the start.

History is her favourite subject, and she wants to do A level. That is why it’s so severe. She managed the other 3 but this one triggered the worst migraine ever.

Shes having counselling, on the waiting list for ASD assessment and already on Propanalol for anxiety. The conversation was on Speakerphone and Dh heard it and wasn’t impressed either.

I think I’m angry at the fact they seemed she could ‘just come in for the hour’ well, doh obviously she would be in if she could have been. She’s so upset at missing it.

OP posts:
actiongirl1978 · 21/06/2022 10:51

OP.

School should send you a 'form 14' to complete alongside sending in the medical evidence (which you have).

They will then apply for special consideration.

I'm an EO and this is all very normal (as you will know from teaching).

If that was the EO you spoke to, they perhaps could have worded it differently. If it was attendance officer or reception, ignore them and email or call the EO directly.

For info though, the JCQ guidelines are that it is always better for a child to sit and exam if possible. So that might be what they were getting at.

If you want more info, Google JCQ Ice 2022 and you can read the guidelines for sickness for this year's exams. It's all open documentation.

Original poster
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 10:51

She’s also on Pzitofen too.,

OP posts:
GCRich · 21/06/2022 10:55

soundofsilver · 21/06/2022 09:53

It sounds to me like the school are just trying to get her to come and do her exam which is totally reasonable. They haven't said anything they shouldn't have done.
I'm sorry your daughter isn't well but the school have done the right thing.

It sounds to me like the school are just doing what you're doing - ignoring the fact that she cannot come and do her exam, which is totally unreasonable.

EarthSight · 21/06/2022 10:55

That's really rubbish and my sympathies go out to her.

I assume the nasal spray you were talking about was a triptan? If so, has she tried different ones? Some of them do take a while to work. Mine (Zomig) take 1-2hrs to fully work which is annoying.

OP, I can't see the post now but did you say she usually goes into a darkened room? This is normal for most migraine sufferers, but have she considered that what she needs is the opposite? It won't make the migraine go away, but if she hasn't tried it already, I would recommend that she tries sitting in your garden if you have one, even if she has to cover her eyes. If she has to be in her bedroom, I would recommend opening the window to make sure there's plenty of fresh air circulating. Again, these are only mild therapeutic things but it's worth a try to take the edge off.

marcopront · 21/06/2022 10:56

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I am amazed that someone who used to be a secondary teacher would write this "I think I’m angry at the fact they seemed she could ‘just come in for the hour’ well, doh obviously she would be in if she could have been. She’s so upset at missing it."

There are plenty of students who would try and get out of an exam and parents who would support them. Unless the person you were speaking to knows your daughter well, what do you expect?

Hillary17 · 21/06/2022 10:56

Sadly they’re just trying to do their job and make sure she has the best chance possible. If she’s hard working they won’t want her to be disadvantaged by not sitting her exam. Sounds like she’s having a hard time.. but also it’s their job to push to make sure you’re doing everything you can to get her into school.

IvorCutler · 21/06/2022 10:56

I suffer with migraines and I understand that there is absolutely no way your dd would be able to do an exam while she’s having one. I could barely walk to the bathroom to be sick when I’m at my worst. I understand where the school are coming from though, obviously they don’t want her to miss it. I’ve not got to the end of the thread yet but if they’re brought on by stress you’re both going to have to find a solution/look for relaxation strategies for the long term. It’ll make life very difficult otherwise.

EarthSight · 21/06/2022 10:57

Sumatriptan didn't work at all for me btw.

GCRich · 21/06/2022 10:58

bumpermom · 21/06/2022 10:44

I had a migraine yesterday, I couldn't see, vomiting, blinding pain. I have meds from the doctors and they knock me out, I couldn't even work. I can't imagine trying to sit a GCSE test like that. Your poor DD.

I am fortunate not to have ever had a migraine... but I'm pretty sure one doesn't need to have particularly great empathetic qualities to understand that some people get something a bit like headaches but MASSIVELY worse, and when they do they really can't do much at all. I don't get how the school don't understand this.

WitchWithoutChips · 21/06/2022 10:59

Different triptans work for different people and it can be a process of trial and error to find the right one. If sumatriptan isn't working for her then ask the GP to prescribe another one.

riesenrad · 21/06/2022 11:00

I think you are right OP and as a pp said, the schools have protocols to follow with the exam board.

It's fine for them to say "can she really not come in because we don't know how the exam board will treat her case" and then accept you saying "no she is lying down in great pain in a dark room" without implying you are lying.

Hopefully she did well on her first exam and the mark will be adjusted in accordance with that. I hope she recovers quickly and is ok to do her other exams. And don't worry about the A level, not sure if she is staying at the same place to do A levels, but any sixth form should make allowances if the mark isn't as high as it should be to do A level (eg if they require a 7 and she gets a 6) - and if they don't, I'd look for another sixth form.

Original poster
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 11:00

There are plenty of students who would try and get out of an exam and parents who would support them. Unless the person you were speaking to knows your daughter well, what do you expect?

Well l would say the head of year should know her extensive history with anxiety and migraines. They should also know that she’s very conscientious and hardworking and keen to do well. Why would they assume with that history that she is trying to fry out if anything?

OP posts:
riesenrad · 21/06/2022 11:00

I am fortunate not to have ever had a migraine... but I'm pretty sure one doesn't need to have particularly great empathetic qualities to understand that some people get something a bit like headaches but MASSIVELY worse, and when they do they really can't do much at all. I don't get how the school don't understand this

or indeed why some MNers cannot accept that migraine is not just a headache

riesenrad · 21/06/2022 11:01

There are plenty of students who would try and get out of an exam and parents who would support them. Unless the person you were speaking to knows your daughter well, what do you expect

It is not ok for schools to assume everyone is lying!

Terven · 21/06/2022 11:01

Whatever you do don’t show her that you’re upset and drag her into the argument, it will make it a lot worse for her. Not saying you are, but it’s easy to forget in the heat of the moment. Plan something really fun after the exam that she can look forward to.

bronzepig · 21/06/2022 11:02

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 09:05

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I have chronic migraine (defined as having symptoms more than 15 days a month), and have been affected since I was a kid. You have my sympathies Flowers

School will take their lead from you. Stop saying "stress migraine", or mentioning the anxiety. If they think it's MH problem, then they will be doing their best to encourage her in.

You need to speak to proper specialists - the national migraine centre and the migraine trust, and keep repeating "it is a disability, unfortunately she's too ill to come in." This is manageable with proper support but you have to be really firm with people when it comes to migraine unfortunately.

starfishmummy · 21/06/2022 11:02

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/06/2022 09:13

I think you misunderstand. There has been endless evidence from the GP, including the extensive letter sent yesterday.

I think the person at the school was just doing her job and making sure that you know that medical evidence is required.

What the exam board will want to see is not that she has a general medical condition (the extensive letter) but actual medical evidence that she is ill today. And that means you contacting the doctor today to get that.

WitchWithoutChips · 21/06/2022 11:04

You are projecting your (understandable) worries about your DD onto this conversation with the school and it is a total waste of energy which should be focused on ensuring that special consideration is applied. You need to calm down and speak to the examinations officer.