Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

"l was a secondary teacher for 26 years. I’ve never known special consideration not be applied.

Have the school said they won't apply for special consideration? Or just that they can't guarantee the outcome?"

I have. I've worked in FE for most of my 25 year career, so I have hundreds of exam students every year (it's all I teach) and I would say exam boards can be very inconsistent in what they give special consideration for. I've seen some allow it because a student had piles (couldn't sit down) but in another case, one was refused when the doctor verified the student had an ongoing illness but because the student hadn't seen the doctor on the day of the exam, the exam board wouldn't give it. Some require the doctor to have seen the patient to verify the illness, others only require the doctor to say the student had the illness and they reported being affected by it on the day of the exam.

It can be hit and miss

The school were only following protocol.
They want your child to have every opportunity to sit her exams and have a good outcome.
It is really is down to her whether she can sit the exam or not.
In the larger scale of things she will lose out.
What exactly did you want the school to do/say?

In university we have a "fit to sit" policy with exams. By sending her in you are basically saying she's fit to sit the exam, which she's not. You did the right thing. Get the doctors evidence and let them know her special circumstances and ask what adjustments can be put in place. Whoever called you from the school sounds like a dickhead.

But do you also have an exam resit session, in a few months time? Most universities do, which is world apart from GCSE where not there often = fail. No second chances in school.

Schools get penalised when dc don’t show up. It’s massively unfair but no shows bring their average down hugely and reflects on the teacher - the numbers are presented with no context.

school is trying to ensure they’ve done all they can; you’ve made a call about your dc. No one is wrong. You need to be less sensitive.

My DD came off her horse last Sunday and has subsequently had to miss all of her GCSE's last week and this. She had 3 days in hospital and has to wear a neck brace still intermittently. Because she has sat at least one exam in each subject she has missed she will be given assessment grades. The school exam officer explained this was actually a better option than special consideration as the death of a parent only warrants a 5% leeway so injury/illness is hardly anything.

Tbh though this is on top of me having a diabetic hypo my DH and DD spent 90 minutes getting me out of and the death of my MIL 3 days before the accident so if she passes anything it'll be a miracle!

I hope your DD is soon feeling better @ArseInTheCoOpWindow , there's been so much pressure this year on being the first post covid exam takers. It's amazing what a cool dark room can do and a decent amount of sleep. Only 2 more exam days to get through and then we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

But doesn’t she need a medical certificate to say she was too ill to attend today to get the special consideration?

It all very well railing against the school, but that’s not going to get your DD very far if she becomes the first person you know in 26 years not to get special consideration because you’ve decided the evidence the exam board will need isn’t necessary.

The greatest life lesson I have ever learnt and would have almost saved my life between 16-18 was that education is lifelong and if it doesn't get completed in school it is not the end of the world, in fact it's no big deal.

She's too ill? She can resit. She flunks it? She can resit.

No exam is worth dragging her too that is further going to exacerbate her health concerns to this degree. Would they insist she come in and write an exam by hand with a broken wrist? No, they would make allowances.

At seventeen I had lost my Father, had a terminally ill mother for whom I was a carer, was holding down a job on the weekend, college during the week and made to feel that if I failed my exams I could write my life off. This resulted in a lifelong battle with mental health issues, alcohol abuse and self harm.

It's an exam, it really, really doesn't matter. She can resit it. Keep her home.

It's not that they think she is malingering, it's just that missing a GCSE exam is pretty serious and they need to be sure there is really no alternative (including strong painkillers). It is also important because the migraines are caused by stress and sometimes avoiding the thing that stressed you can lead to a cycle of avoidance. I don't think they are unreasonable to ask questions around this.

It's a horrible situation for you but I would guess some of your anger is more about knowing missing a state exam is not ideal than the school's response.

I get it too op. I’m a migraine sufferer and a parent with a DD in the midst of GCSEs

I’ve had migraines where for a brief moment you feel like you want to die it’s so bad. No way could you do an exam.

Ultimately it won’t matter. She may get a grade or she can resit and life will move on. What she’ll remember is your care and support.

That is a really awful situation. Hope your dd is feeling better soon.

From the schools point of view they can't see her, some people say migraine when they mean headache. So in your circumstances i completely understand your frustrations. But i also don't blame the school for the conversation they had.

I think maybe you are stressed yourself here op which is why you are reacting as you are. I’d say take a few deep breaths, try to calm down, and then realise this will be sorted, you have the evidence to support. I think I’d focus now on how to move forward, if she can’t do exams then how will she be assessed.

That's rubbish. I'm also a secondary school teacher with almost 30 years experience. Schools don't gets penalised. Genuine sickness (the case here) does NOT bring average results down, nor does it reflect on the teacher.

OP, as you know, if your DD has sat one of the papers, it will be graded and she will get the grade based on papers she has sat. The school has to be seen to be doing the correct things, hence the ridiculous questions. However, you might consider contacting the GP and getting it put on your DD's medical records that she was suffering badly today, just in case evidence from the GP is needed. All the best to both of you.

When GCSEs and A-Levels were reformed by Michael Gove, numerous people & organisations warned during the consultation that the total reliance on end-of-course exams would lead to some students with health or family issues at exam time either, at best, losing a year or else having their futures destroyed. We couldn't have predicted the Covid pandemic then (although it had been recognised for many, many years that a devastating pandemic was inevitably going to occur at some time), but that was the event that showed most clearly how precarious our school and qualifications system is. These smaller-scale effects on individual students get ignored.

You’ve done the right thing OP, and I understand your frustration. If your daughter could take medication or ‘come in for an hour’ you wouldn’t have been getting doctors’ letters and phoning the school to say she couldn’t. A few people here seem to be struggling with that too.
You haven’t said whether you’re asking for special consideration but it looks like worst case scenario is your daughter doesn’t get her history GCSE…is that the end of the world?

You have to remember OP that the school will deal with these types of medical/exams issues all the time. She will not be the only one not sitting her exams today due to stress.

What you are viewing as them insinuating that you and your daughter are lying- is them trying to make sure they have done all that is possible to get their student who has been working all year in preparation for her exams, in school. They will know she is hard working and diligent and they will want the best for her.

They can maybe potentially see too, that if the exams can cause this much anxiety then nothing will change for the next set of exams and may feel they are helping to try and break the anxiety cycle she could be setting herself up for

On a different note. Do what you can to not add more stress. Please give heat therapy for her neck and forehead, it can help relieve tension which can exasperate migraines or run along with migraines.

Schools hear so many tall stories that when for once someone is telling the truth the processes that they are obliged to follow will seem harsh.

Hope your DD gets well soon, and as someone noted, education is lifelong and exams can be sat again.

I remember lying on the bathroom floor after a bout of migraine vomiting thinking I was going to die and wishing it would hurry up and happen as I couldn't bear the pain.

l was a secondary teacher for 26 years. I’ve never known special consideration not be applied.

It probably will be - but I'd check that every box had been ticked and write to school to make sure exam officer and everyone else knows they have the evidence needed.

One of mine is sitting a history exam with WJEC board - there's another two exams next year and a piece of class work still to be done - so if she sat previous exams or has ones still to sit - there there should be enough to grade.

Who were you speaking to as exam office I'd expect to know about special consideration and how to apply, the subject teacher to have an idea and head of year to have previous experience that sometimes exams are misses - school receptionist much less of a clue about any of it and possible same for school attendance person.

You’re being overly sensitive. The school are doing what they need to do. You are doing what you need to do. The exam board will decide what they will do.

Don’t take it so personally, or get so stressed. Pretty sure that will have a knock-on effect on your DD, in addition to being a totally unproductive use of energy.

Separately, I hope she can find a way to get through stressful periods in her life. Good luck.

I agree about migraines being horrific. I’ve given birth to twins without pain relief and I’d do that every day of the week over a bad migraine.

I know you said you have doctors letter, but make sure you have a doctors note for her for this specific date. Talk to school about retaking the exam.

There was an assumption that she was malingering.

I wouldn't take that from what they're saying. They're just very anxious for her to not miss the exam, as you are too no doubt. Everyone cares about your DD and is doing their best in difficult circumstances. There is no enemy here, it's just hard to deal with all round, most of all for your DD. Hope she's feeling better soon.

That doesn't change the truth of what @Jalisco said though. She's correct. I've worked in this area. A diagnosis of a condition and evidence still doesn't solve the problem of what will happen regarding the qualification. It all depends whether she has sufficient evidence for them to extrapolate a grade based on her other papers. It's a judgement call, but often the best bet is to struggle through and apply for special consideration. One of mine is doing that. Migraine is horrible - I remember struggling through an exam where the words were jiggling on the page in front of me. The second I got out, I took the heavy duty medication. Hope your DD finds an approach which works for her soon.

I had a similar experience when I was taking exams at 16 , blinding headaches and nausea but no history of migraines. The GP prescribed me a mild sedative. I sat all the papers and got decent results. I know you're distressed at seeing her so debilitated but I do feel you're babying her to a certain extent, Building resilience isn't easy. Maybe a move to a different school/college which offers a more coursework-based curriculum would be an idea? I'm not saying she's malingering but for her benefit, learning to manage or at least minimise her stress levels might be of greater use than avoiding exams altogether (planned study with scheduled breaks , healthy eating and keeping hydrated, breathing techniques, self hypnosis, support of the belief that her best is good enough no matter the exam results)

The school is probably concerned with the impact missing exam(s) will have on her future and whether, if she wants to do resits, the problem will recur. On a more pragmatic level the school pays a fairly substantial fee for each subject taken and some ask families to reimburse the cost of missed papers and as we all know budgets are tight. There's no point to being angry with the school's approach . At least they care enough to contact you

Has she received therapy (not just drugs) for her anxiety? The school isn’t in the wrong here (so many parents exaggerate which makes it harder for dc with genuine bad anxiety to be taken seriously). It’s in the best interest of all dc to sit their exams. The only other option your Dd has is to “resit” her GCSE exams whilst she’s at sixth form.