Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

From school's pov, they probably think she has medication now and so should be fine. Although anyone with migraines knows that isn't the case. She can't sit an exam with a migraine. The school also might have been pointing you to arrange a GP appointment today if possible so you have a medical note from today to say she wasn't well enough to sit the exam. A general medical note from when she was first diagnosed might not be enough for the exam board.

If it's also anxiety and exam stress related, then I'd look into meditation or visualisation classes. Our school system is very exam based. Relying on migraine medication alone won't be enough. She needs to have techniques and support in place to manage the anxiety.

Please don't tell her any of the 'issues' you think you're having with the school. Leave her in a darkened room to sleep - unless you need to wake her to see the GP.

Forgot to mention...the headaches started with the mock exams and the prescription stated "as needed"

Has she not been prescribed triptans for relieving acute attacks?

You've done the right thing OP. Colleges often allow students to do GCSEs alongside other courses. It really isn't a huge deal to miss a gcse exam in Yr 11 (though it feels like it at the time). The school aren't being helpful. Focus on getting the migraines under control, then she get can get the qualifications.

The sad thing for this years cohort is that they’ve usually had 2 years run up of exam prep and experience which would help them understand format, techniques and how to manage the stress in the run up. This years cohort have had none of that and I really hope that’s taken into account for all students.

So many people think migraines are just headaches, including people in positions of authority in schools and workplaces. The idea that someone with a severe migraine can go in because “it’s just an hour” or that you can “encourage her” is ridiculous. If I’d somehow been dragged in to take an exam when I had a migraine, it would have been a waste of time. I wouldn’t have been able to see the paper for a start, let alone think and write.

Its all exam related. She’s fine when there are no exams

this suggests she’s not going to be capable of taking exams any time soon. Can you meet with the school to discuss a way forward that isn’t just excusing her from one exam to the next. If she isn’t able to take exams generally, there needs to be a different solution. Even if she manages to pass a few subjects, what’s going to be next for her if she faces this obstacle again at A-levels or uni? Would it not be better for her to take some time out of school to focus on her health then re-take exams another time. Pushing on trying to get some grades doesn’t sound like it’s going to help your DD.

The school have done nothing wrong. In my experience exam boards simply do not give concessions to hardly anyone. I've experienced situations where the child's parent died, glandular fever and other illnesses where the exam board have not taken these into account. Despite doctors evidence I doubt your daughter will be exempt by the exam board.

I'd discuss ASAP with the school the evidence you have to send to the exam board- though sadly I doubt it will have little impact.

Its all exam related. She’s fine when there are no exams

I sympathise as that sounds very difficult for her
However the exams won't be the last stressful thing she'll have to face, so maybe further input is needed whether that's therapy or something else? Not easy to get, I know, but surely easier than missing whatever she finds stressful

Rizotriptan saved my life with migraines.

Also, what about a good therapist to help her deal with the stress? I was like that at her age. Tried to pull out of an A-Level at the last minute due to sheer terror. My teacher talked me round and I got a B.

Best of luck.

OP - sorry not read the thread but I had severe PMS years ago (undiagnosed) and possible underactive thyroid too, but also anxiety and stress migraines too. What do the doctors say? When I was put on contraceptive pill it helped my PMS no end but still got migraines.

I'm not sure she should be allowed to sit the exam but could she retake or have special measures put in place?

Also, for your daughter, yoga might help with anxiety and migraines!

What are DDs aspirations and goals? Will she be able to progress towards these if she cannot attend exams? Will she want to re take History?

I am wondering if your anger at the school is misplaced anxiety about what the future holds for your DD? I hope she feels better soon and she finds a way to deal with this.

It's completely understandable that you are upset but the school have not done anything wrong, OP. As a former teacher you know that there are parents who lie about medical needs. The conversation this morning will form part of the evidence for special consideration alongside your medical evidence.

Did she do Paper 1? When you are calmer you need to speak to the examinations officer about starting the special considerations process.

Fair enough for the school to check that it's not "just a headache", but once told that it's a worst-ever migraine and she is no way fit to sit an exam, they should be backing straight off and saying just that they'll need the doctors' note.

As far as the exam board goes, if she is too ill to sit then her grade will be based on the other papers. If she goes in and can't really do more than the odd question, then she'll get a small percentage uplift for being unwell and that's it, and her score will probably pull her overall grade down. So it's not actually in the school's interest for her to go in.

They possibly don't even need a fresh doctors' note - see top lilnk on www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=jcq+illness and the examples on p.14.

OMG - I was the same! Never spoke about the stress and was back in 80s with little to nothing known about anxiety/PMS etc. I had talking therapy where I talked at someone...

I had horrendous migraines too and chemist offered to sell me or I got prescribed some medication but took it once and stopped.

Is the nasal spray sumatriptan? You say it was too late into the migraine to take it, but has she actually tried it and found it ineffective? Wasn't really clear from your post, but it read to me as if she hasn't tried it as it was too late.

Sumatriptan is said to work better at the onset of a migraine, but I find it generally works for me at any stage.

@Bootothegoose

💯 agree with you … at school age, kids are made to feel that their lives are over if they fail or miss an exam! It’s not!!

I suffer vile migraines about 3 times a year, and really sympathise with your poor DC. They are so debilitating.
Please tell her it’s not the end of the world to miss an exam

It doesn't mean they think you're making it up/exaggerating- if they don't ask the question, then they don't know the answer. They need to make sure that you understand the potential ramifications of her missing the exam. They also have to be honest that they don't know for certain how the exam board will process this particular case (although it sounds like you have the appropriate paperwork).

Try not to take it personally, they will be asking every single parent the exact same questions. And some of those parents will then say "actually, I didn't realise that, it's probably better if we try and get her in, if we dose her with painkillers now then she'll probably make it through one hour OK".

The school are thinking about her, exam board rules are that schools need to try to get kids to take exams even those in hospital sit them. It's very tough, nobody is doubting that but school cannot pretend that the exam board will take this into consideration, a blinding headache is horrible but most people could still function, yes I get migraines and it's really horrible, I dose up on painkillers and can't even drive because of the flashing but I carry on because I have to, bills don't stop because you have migraines.

I wish people would realise that migraines aren't a headache you could pop a pill and work through. For me the only tiny relief is lying in a dark room alternating between hot and cold packs across my head. Any movement and I'm usually sick. Even if she managed to crawl into school and sit her exam what would be the point? She wouldn't even be able to read it let alone thought process the questions and answers. Surely there is a way she can re sit this one? Children are poorly and schools should be able to accommodate this. Hope she feels better soon xxx

Migraines can be horrendous and often reading can trigger off another

i suffer with hemiplegic migraines and I can’t function for 48 hours after one

I get very bad migraines and I wouldn't be able to just get up and walk out of the house, then go in a car to school! If people don't get migraines they don't know what they are like or how long they go on for. Some people tend to think of them as just headaches!
I hope your daughter feels better soon. I'm sure the exam board will take this into account.

I get why this situation is really upsettng for you and for your dd.

First of all this is new and it can be hard to juggle the pain as well as the worry of what will happen in the future and the anxiety of how people see you (aka how are they judging her, etc...)

The bottom line is that she is ill and she can't go. No discussion after that. The best you can do is to simply reiterate 'No she is too ill for that' at any suggestion.
If she needs a 'note from the GP' for that day, try and get it. It will make it easier for the exam board to decide if she can sit the exam again at the end of next week (if he is able to). If she isn't, then it's just ONE exam. She had done all the others and this is great. Congratulate her on having managed those.

Remember that anyone telling you she should 'try this and that' or gives you the feleing she is just trying to get away with murder are not your dd. Their reaction says a lot about them and their beliefs about migraines (as well as their lack of knowledge tbh). IT might also be that they think that she sort of managed with the other exams the she ought to manage with that one too. Again that's about them, not about your dd.

Migraines can be linked with stress and anxiety. There is also some good medications available when she finds the right ne for her. She will also need to learn to know what are the warning signs of the migraine so she can take her medication sooner rather than later.
My advice would be to let the GCSE go. What she can do she does and that's great. What she hasnt been able to do, she hasn't. There is nothing to do. It's just the way it is.

Looking forward, she can look at various ways of handling it. The NICE guidelines for migraines is medication (I imagine this is what the GP gave her) but also acupuncture (great in my experience). Fwiw the new NICE guidelines for pain and chronic pain are saying no painkiller but keeping moving, counselling and acupuncture again. So I'd look at all of those too (both beause exercise/moving can help with pain and anxiety and counselling might help her find ways to deal with her exam anxiety too). Acupuncture just because of the pain side of things.

The school hasn't done anything wrong. Despite the medical evidence already submitted then your daughter will also need medical evidence that she could not attend today specifically. If she has already sat a certain percentage of the history exam with that medical evidence the exam board would be able to give her a grade based on her other papers. If they don't have that evidence they can't give her a grade.

If she hasn't sat any of her history papers or hadn't reached the high enough percentage described above perhaps they were suggesting that if at all possible she could make it through today's paper it would give the sufficient for a grade to be awarded.

Please work with them rather than fight them as this will give the best result for your daughter gradeswise. It is not them that set the % or that insist on medical certificates for every day an exam is missed or special extenuating circumstances are applied for but the exam boards as guided by JCQ.

Might be something to consider in the future

migrainetrust.org/news/botox-for-migraine-what-to-expect/