Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

I've been in this situation and had to sit my GCSE maths at home with a teacher present. this was the aftermath of a migraine, not the migraine itself. doing anything with a migraine can be impossible. if you get an aura, you can't even see and may have aphasia (inability to find words). I get go numb down my right side so I can't even write or type. there's no way you can sit an exam. the school handled this badly - the kid is sick and can't do the exam. end of. the wheedling, guilt-tripping response is inappropriate. the school are doing what's best for them - get all the students to do the exams on the day and minimise work and complications for them. they are not doing what's best for your daughter. you do what's best for your daughter and don't worry about it. you have medical evidence so the exam board should see that it is a legitimate extenuating circumstance. at least at uni level (where I work), a doctor's note is always accepted so I don't think you have much to worry about.

there's lots of medications to try. also, magnesium, q10 and one of the B vitamins is supposed shorten duration, pain and frequency (I've never tried it as - hurrah! perimenopause has reduced them massively). consider food intolerances: sulphites are triggers for me (not chocolate, cheese or citrus fruit though) as well as sunlight (you can buy special sunglasses for this). good luck to you both. migraines are awful.

True. I started with immigran, then Sumatriptan and finally Maxalt melts which worked far better. Maybe ask the GP about that, OP? I also found the format far easier and more pleasant to use meaning I was more likely to take a dose at the earliest sign.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Your poor daughter I’ve suffered from migraines since age four. Had nerve blocks every medication under the sun and they work for a bit then stop.

The idiots here saying she should have gone in are as ignorant as the school. Migraines are not a ‘headache’ they are a recognised disability. I legally cannot drive during a migraine attack due to it impairing my decision making, reflexes and vision.

Call the migraine association and find out your rights under the disability act. Give her a hug from this fellow migraine sufferer.

Also if sumatriptan isn’t effective ask your gp to try her on the nasel spray zomig. This drug is very good. Also full fat Coke when they come on and during an attack does wonders.

l understand that the school need to weed out the ones who might be malingering. But she’s not one of them.

I really don't think school is disbelieving that she is ill, just trying to figure out something for her best interest for long term if they could, tbh. It's not the school that have consequences of not sitting exam, after all.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Book her into see one of the doctors here: www.nationalmigrainecentre.org.uk/

Considered to be the best centre for migraine/headache treatment in Europe. They do online appointments and really know what they're doing.

GPs & even neurologists are in general absolutely terrible at managing migraine.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow - phoned again and ask to be put through to the Exams Officer; teachers or reception teams aren't always sighted on the various protocols in placed. In this case you need the schools Exams Officer they will in the authoritative position to advise you. Good luck

I see no reason in the OP to think that the school thought you were lying.

It's the school's job to do their utmost to ensure the pupils get the exam results they deserve. It's the doctor's job to ensure that a patient receives the treatment they need. It's a parent's job to try to balance the conflicting pressures on their children.

You DD is not well enough to take an exam. You called the school and informed them. They did their best to ensure you knew the implications and that your DD is definitely unwell. There are DCs up and down the country missing exams every day because of illness. The school told you what they need to present her case to the exam board. The schools take each case to the exam board and in due course the board's decision will come back. They would be wrong to tell you what the outcome would be when they don't know for sure.

If your DD's anxiety is at the root of her illness, then the best thing you can do is remain very calm. Getting upset and accusing the school of 'guilt tripping' when they were doing their best for her is not going to help. Assure her she is not the only one missing an exam today and that you and the school will provide everything the exam board need when considering her case.

No advice but really hope your DD is okay❤💐

If your DD's anxiety is at the root of her illness, then the best thing you can do is remain very calm.

Migraine is a neurological disease - genetic liability is at the "root" of it, not something like anxiety.

Remaining calm and managing anxiety will not magically make susceptibility to migraine go away @amicissimma

Your poor daughter, that sounds horrendous. I think the school are being a bit harsh, but I’m sure they’ve only got your daughter’s best interests at heart. I can see how frustrating it must be seeing how unwell your daughter is, and then thinking that people think she’s making it up to get out of an exam.

It’s not the worst thing in the world if she doesn’t get her History GCSE. Sad for her because she did all of that work, but it shouldn’t hold her back. If she wants to pursue History it might be a bit trickier but I’m sure even that could be worked out.

It sounds like a BTEC/ T-Level might be a good idea if she struggles with exams so much. I think there are some exams, but definitely way less than A Level. Some people just aren’t exam people. I’m one of them, and hence I’ve picked a degree course that has very few exams. There are some degree courses with no exams at all so it wouldn’t even stop her from going to university.

This is important to repeat and repeat again because migraine is an incredibly stigamatised disease.

OP, this is MN. A school can NEVER be wrong.

I've had extenuating circumstances for my DD at GCSE, it was sorted out, the school initially behaved in exactly the same way. Whatever doctors evidence I had the school said it wasn't enough; its one of the ways they manipulate you - constantly asking for more. They dont read and cant understand it in any case. I had a letter from a forensic consultant and they ignored it (too much evidence maybe!)

Your only mistake was expecting them to be sympathetic or professional, but then if you've been a teacher you're probably be a bit blind to the reality of how appallingly many parents are treated in these circumstances. It makes you feel sick the way they speak to you, I know from bitter experience. Get something in writing to the Head of Year, copy in the exams officer (I did find them usually pretty knowledgeable). Any more problems check if there is a SENDIASS in your area or hop onto special needs board for more advice.

This might sound rude but is doing A levels the best path to go down if exam stress is causing this? She can love history but doesn't need to do an A level in it.
Does she have a plan of what she wants to 'do' with her life? There is always different routes to getting somewhere without such intense exam pressure.

It all very well railing against the school, but that’s not going to get your DD very far if she becomes the first person you know in 26 years not to get special consideration because you’ve decided the evidence the exam board will need isn’t necessary.

l never said this. I’ve already emailed the gp asking for a note.

Excellent post from @bronzepig BTW.

With a full blown migraine it really isn’t possible to do an exam. I would be sick if I sat up in bed.
OP I had to miss an exam as a teenager (had evidence) and they awarded it on my coursework and other evidence. So don’t panic.

The problem with medication is she isn’t 16 yet. So it’s limited.

The GP looked at Topimpramate(?)) but there was a lot side effects. Even the Pzitofen had to be prescribed in conjunction with a specialist at the Childrens Hospital.

And yes I’ve questioned A levels.too.

A levels, undergraduate degree, masters, doctorate, and now an academic

All done with chronic migraine. Disability does not need to prevent you excelling academically, you just need the proper support in place.

Of course right now OPs daughter is struggling - it sounds like this is a relatively new illness and she doesn't have the proper meaures in place yet to manage it.

Yes, this was a horrible phone call.
It won't help the stress and the feeling of rocking the boat, then falling in the lake.
But it is going to be ok.

The illness and migraine has been going on, for you, as something you've seen in progression over several weeks. It hasn't been fine for all exams so far, but she functioned. Since it was too bad to be able to do this exam, she was not 'fit to sit'. For the school, though, they will be judging on the ones they've seen her do, and will be assuming that was a similar thing, not a worse situation. The student being unable to sit an exam should be something exceptional for them, so I'd agree that most except the exams officer will not be familiar/ tactful with all the advice (or able to be well-versed in exactly what will happen), and will probably be preoccupied with the management of the overall exam process for those who are in school instead. Speak to the exams officer.

Get the medical advice and evidence. Take one day at a time and don't try to fight on all fronts; pace yourself with the interactions with school.

Theyll all go away after the exams. They’re stress related and she’s got bad anxiety.

I don’t blame the school for asking if she can just come in for an hour or trying to find an alternative solution.
They obviously care about your DDs education and know how important her history exam is to her.

Some students can manage to come in just for the exam and leave again so it’s good she gave you that option.

Obviously if none of the options are appropriate and you think she can’t go in then she can’t go in. But I don’t know why you’d be so annoyed that people are trying to help her.

This might sound rude but is doing A levels the best path to go down if exam stress is causing this?

@Needmorelego

As in my previous post, stress (from exams or otherwise) does not cause migraine or migraine attacks.

Of course she shouldn't come in for an exam with a migraine. Not sure what planet some people are on. It is really clear cut. She is ill, she can't do the exam. You have evidence. That can be presented to the exam board who will have a process for these situations. If she did somehow struggle in, how would she even write her name on the paper! Clearly some people don't know what a migraine is!

Thank you @bronzepig . It is a relatively new thing. Was only really diagnosed 6 days before her first GCSE.

@Ormally that’s exactly how it’s been.

Thank you both for your support.

Your poor daughter, that sounds horrendous. I think the school are being a bit harsh, but I’m sure they’ve only got your daughter’s best interests at heart

They haven't. When the chips are down, secondary schools worry much more about attendance, Ofsted and exam results than anything else at all. Once you've had a child with poor attendance due to anxiety/SEN/poor physical health you find out what they are really like. Luckily the OP has her daughter's best interests at heart and will fight any bullshit the school or exam board come up with.