Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

My DD missed one of her history GCSE exams. She got a bug and was vomiting and feeling awful. She got an A* as the board were happy with the medical evidence and she obviously did well in the other exam.

I hope she gets the grade she deserves. It is really upsetting.

I’ve absolutely got her back. That’s why I’m pissed off with the school.

l was a secondary teacher for 26 years. I’ve never known special consideration not be applied.

Just noticed diagnosed five days before, that’s not enough time for the meds as you say, I don’t know what the exam board will do but you have medical proof so they must have protocol.

I know it is a bit late to help, but teenage migraines - there was a pattern to mine (stress, not enough to eat or hormones for example). Once one started, quick application of painkiller might slow it or stop it, as long as I went to bed immediately. Also, something sugary like a can of coke. Making sure she doesn’t go nuts revising the night before, has a good meal etc will all help.

Great. I didn’t mean to suggest that you didn’t, just that if she’s upset as well as unwell she could do with reassurance.

Plus now you sound angry with me. Honestly, you need to calm down. You are not helping yourself.

She’s got a nasal spray and Pzitofen.

It was too late into the migraine to take the nasal spray and the Pzitofen hasn’t really helped much.

Theyll all go away after the exams. They’re stress related and she’s got bad anxiety.

Oh no, I’m not angry with you at all. You’re post was lovely😘

Im just upset

l was a secondary teacher for 26 years. I’ve never known special consideration not be applied.

Have the school said they won't apply for special consideration? Or just that they can't guarantee the outcome?

having a migraine is horrendous, I think everyone agrees with this. The school have to be seen as doing everything possible to get her to sit her exam. The anxiety is a totally different issue and is what is probably contributing to the migraine. You need a doctors letter for the exam all other evidence doesn’t really count, although maybe included. If she’s that bad call 111 and ask for advice as if she can’t walk and her eyesight is that bad she might be dehydrated. I do get stress migraines but I'm not at school age. Also worth speaking to doctors today to get it in record.
its heartbreaking when your child is in pain

I don't think there's anybody in the wrong here. I think the school were right to check, but I also get why you didn't send your daughter in.

To be honest it's never clear what happens next. It may be (being brutal) that she now not get that GCSE. That's why the school will have reacted like that.

I am a migraine and stress headache sufferer. Co codamol works well.

What time is the exam?

I don't suppose they have ever had a migraine , and cannot comprehend the difference between that and a bad headache . I don't have them often now , but I can't stand upright , I am very sick , noise and light sensitive, I am stuck in a darkened room unable to eat or drink until its passed , and quite honestly if there was a kill me now button I would press it . They have spoiled many an important occasion .Mine used to be hormonal and often ironically coming down from a stressful situation .

For her future exams she also needs to avoid chocolate and cheese as they can be triggers.

I try and take medication as quickly as possible as once established it's difficult to clear.
An ice pack or cold compress is also good.

It's not guilt tripping. It's school trying to find a solution to a problem that will have bigger implications if she misses the exam.

I don't know how you can't see that.

YANBU to not send her if she is so unwell, however they also ANBU to exhaust every possibility. I am sure that you are a very responsible parent but there are many who aren't, and would let their child miss an exam without good reason.

Your poor daughter. She's done so well to get through all the exams so far. The school shouldn't be putting pressure on an ill student to come in (particularly one that would clearly want to be there if she could) - just adds to an already difficult situation.

I suppose to be fair to them, they're also under pressure to get the students in for the exams, and there are probably some that are v anxious but ok once they get started, but this is clearly a different situation. It's very frustrating when you feel that you're not being listened to. I hope she's ok. This is such a horrible time for the poor kids, even without this added stress.

She’s got a cold thing on her head now.

l understand that the school need to weed out the ones who might be malingering. But she’s not one of them.

Its all exam related. She’s fine when there are no exams,

If she's had the worst migraine ever after starting meds, keep an eye on it. I was given amitriptyline for migraines and had a reaction to it, I've never known pain like it, I ended up collapsing and being taking in via A&E

I can't see the school has done anything wrong here. Of course it is in her best interest to sit the exam. From what you've written I can't see any evidence of the school saying you lied.

But how would taking her dd in to the exam help, when, presumably, her dd can't sit up or open her eyes to any light let alone walk into the exam room?

Though I suppose if she dragged herself into the hall then threw up everywhere it might get her message across...

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress

I worked in schools and the amount of parents saying their kids have this ''severely'' is the problem op. It diminishes the genuine cases.

It sounds to me like the school are just trying to get her to come and do her exam which is totally reasonable. They haven't said anything they shouldn't have done.
I'm sorry your daughter isn't well but the school have done the right thing.

The poor kid! I understand her pain and that of being accused of malingering because of migraines. She is extremely young. I do hope you get her referred to a specialist for treatment. I have tiny scars scattered all through my brain because I didn’t get onto the right treatment.

In university we have a "fit to sit" policy with exams. By sending her in you are basically saying she's fit to sit the exam, which she's not. You did the right thing. Get the doctors evidence and let them know her special circumstances and ask what adjustments can be put in place. Whoever called you from the school sounds like a dickhead.