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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Current Year 11 - 2 more weeks of exams!!

949 replies

Rollergirl11 · 09/06/2022 20:09

New shiny thread!!

OP posts:
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25
TeenDivided · 20/08/2022 12:03

The issues I have with it are:


  • if you have more than one DC, and they have differing ability, you need to make it 'fair' for them somehow

  • if a DC worked hard but then for whatever reason the exams didn't go their way, then on results day they have to deal with not only the disappointment of lower grades, but also the monetary loss

zighead · 20/08/2022 12:29

I am one of 5 and I don't remember this being an issue. I certainly never discussed it with any of my siblings and I have no idea/interest in what money they achieved per grade. It was simply a private arrangement with my parents.
As for me and my DS, I only have one so this is obviously not a concern for me.

MyOtherProfile · 20/08/2022 12:37

I've just started a going into year 10 thread if that applies to anyone here.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary/4615526-anyone-want-a-thread-for-starting-year-10-this-autumn

mosex · 20/08/2022 12:41

Money for grades is bollocks. If they tried their best that is good enough. You are creating all sorts of issues by doing this

Akite · 20/08/2022 13:01

I agree with your comment about having more than one, that's the exact conversation I've been having with DH about it. DD is the eldest and should do really well but I don't want to link it to grades firstly because I don't think the grades this year will be at all reflective of true ability for ANY of the pupils given the varying amounts of shit they've been through these last few years. Secondly, my next DC is not as widely academic so won't get as good grades however hard they work.
DD didn't work as hard as she could for exams but she did work hard throughout lockdown and through the whole gcse period - she just ran out of steam at the end. That's what I'd want to reward, rather than the straightforward grades.

MyOtherProfile · 20/08/2022 13:02

No money for grades here either. It's almost as bad as money for goals scored in the football team.

MrsAvocet · 20/08/2022 13:39

Hope it's ok to join the conversation at this late stage,
My youngest DS is waiting for results. He seems fairly laid back but has started worrying a bit since the A level results came out and everything seems "real" all of a sudden. He should be fine in terms of getting what he needs for 6th form but wants to do a fairly niche degree which isn't done in many places so he's hoping for better grades than he actually "needs" as he is assuming they'll have some bearing on whether he gets University offers or not in due course. (Can't believe my "baby" is thinking about University!) He's also anxious about one of his best friends who will undoubtedly do very well but who sets themselves stupendously high targets and tends to catastrophise - the provision of precise marks is likely to be a source of angst for this young person and DS is a bit concerned for his friend's mental health. Hopefully all will be well!
DS is working on results day so we need to be there as soon as school opens and then I'll drive him to work but his boss has told him to just turn up when he is ready which is nice. I feel a bit sad that he won't be off celebrating with the rest of his friends but also proud that he is maintaining his commitment to the local business that has given his first chance at employment. I'm sure his workmates will make sure he has a nice day though.
We won't be getting him any presents/giving money but will give him the option of going out for a meal or having a takeaway on Thurs. We've just got him a car for his 17th next month and he needs a lot of new kit for his sport this season so he's had a lot spent on him recently and I don't think anything more would be appropriate.
Hope everyone else is bearing up. We have a couple of days away at the beginning of the week so I'm hoping that makes the time pass quickly. I think I just want it over now!

legosunqueen · 20/08/2022 15:23

We will be giving cash...DS is expecting to fund his Leeds fest shenanigans with his earnings from his summer job, but won't actually get paid until the end of the month so I'm lending him the money - but he doesn't know yet that I won't ask for repayment. He's also getting a football shirt. I know people are divided on cash for grades but it's not so different from getting a bonus at work for meeting objectives, the key is to tailor it to your young person.

Some very good news today in that work told him this morning that he can have next Saturday off work...phew...a testament to the good impression he's made which is nice.

Akite · 20/08/2022 16:09

It's so funny people talking about cars etc, my dd has only just turned 16. 😆 This is definitely the time when being young in the year is a real disadvantage.

Womblesaremyfavouritefood · 20/08/2022 17:58

We're giving cash for grades .. DC is an only child so no competition coming up from siblings.

Notaclu · 20/08/2022 19:43

No cash for grades here - have got DD a necklace she wants (very modest) and she will have that as a surprise later in the day whatever the results; there is quite a bit of cash for grades at her school but not amongst her friends

StColumbofNavron · 20/08/2022 21:28

No cash here though we had planned to get him All three of his team’s football shirts as a well done, good luck with the next steps. He usually gets one strip a year at Christmas. No idea if DH actually managed to sort it as all the kits weren’t available when I last looked and obviously I’ve been without internet.

thanks for the year 10 thread, will join shortly @MyOtherProfile

StColumbofNavron · 20/08/2022 21:29

p.s. I’d be delighted to continue here into college and next steps. Any ideas for a title?

Naem · 20/08/2022 21:38

No cash for grades here either - but we funded the three week overseas trip with her youth group that she went on right after finishing her GCSEs. She kept worrying about the cost (it wasn't cheap, especially with the additional mandatory covid insurance, DS went three years ago after his GCSEs but the price had rocketed) and whether we should have right up until she went, and I kept telling her that she had worked so hard during the year (she really did) she really needed it and that was her reward.

NameInUseAlreadyAgain · 20/08/2022 22:48

TeenDivided · 20/08/2022 11:50

I disagree with 'cash for grades'.
I am more OK with 'cash for meeting targets', but even that isn't great.
I prefer 'reward for working hard' to be given at the end of exams, and then let the grades themselves be what they will be.

We’ve bought him something he’s wanted for a while. Whatever his grades, he worked damn hard with revision and that is what the ‘reward’ is for. He did mention to me that if he got one 8 could he have something and I said sure yes ….. he won’t get a single 8 …. He’s going to be so surprised when he gets in on Thursday after results :-)

CornishGem1975 · 20/08/2022 23:51

@Akite I was the youngest in the whole year ConfusedGrin

nicky2512 · 21/08/2022 00:12

A few small gifts here regardless of results. Ds is quite stressed about results now. We’re in NI so mostly NI board with AQA physics.
ds usually does v well but several subjects weren’t finished before going on study leave, he was unwell during some of exam period and had several things he hadn’t covered. Overall he didn’t feel they went well even though he did work hard. He found the exams much harder than previous years papers (not just him saying that).
School are v strict on requirements to return for AS and A level. Results are available in school from 8.45 and then a meeting to discuss what next.

Original poster
Rollergirl11 · 21/08/2022 08:13

We did discuss cash for grades with DD a while back. But in the end there was an opportunity for her to purchase tickets for a day festival in London and a last minute resale for Truck festival, both that she attended back in July. We decided that we would buy the tickets for her as a reward for all of her efforts in her GCSE’s. She had an amazing time at both and made memories for life so I feel that it was more befitting for her than cash. We wanted to recognise how much work she has put in regardless of the grades she ends up getting. Also DD is a perfectionist who is very very self critical so we didn’t want to create the idea that she hasn’t done well enough by attributing a monetary value to her outcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rollergirl11 · 21/08/2022 08:26

I also have DS staring Year 10 in September so will mosey along to that thread. Think that will be somewhat of a bumpy ride, DS has rather severe ADHD and low self esteem when it comes to his schooling.

I’d also welcome a new thread for the 6th form/Year 12 journey. Will it be in the Further education section?

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 08:30

My DS is going into Year 11 so I'm straight into another year of this. The ONLY way I will get him to achieve a pass is through financial incentive. He goes through phases of wanting to do well, wanting to go to uni but he is so lazy. I'm at my wits end. I'm hoping results this week for my DD might spur him into some sort of action as he saw how hard she worked.

Womblesaremyfavouritefood · 21/08/2022 08:35

Our DC wants to build a computer from scratch, so any money they get from their results will probably go towards that.

CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 08:44

My DS did that last year @Womblesaremyfavouritefood He saved and saved to build a gaming PC but he still wants to upgrade elements of it as he goes along - it's the only thing he's ever focused on so that's a good idea actually. I could use that as an incentive. I don't want to but I can't see any other way to get him through this next year.

TeenDivided · 21/08/2022 09:02

CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 08:44

My DS did that last year @Womblesaremyfavouritefood He saved and saved to build a gaming PC but he still wants to upgrade elements of it as he goes along - it's the only thing he's ever focused on so that's a good idea actually. I could use that as an incentive. I don't want to but I can't see any other way to get him through this next year.

Could you use it as an incentive for work done rather than terminal grades?
e.g. working for mocks, attending revision sessions, improved grades in interim tests, practice papers done etc? He could clock up 'computer points'' as he went along?

CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 09:05

I am definitely not going to focus on grades @TeenDivided I just want him to pass so I think it will be based on that. I'd be happy with all 4s. I need to put some thought into it and will discuss it with him before term starts. He knows I'm going to be on his case.

PugInTheHouse · 21/08/2022 09:20

Definitely won't reward cash for grades, DS2 has additional needs and will find it a lot of work to get 4/5, DS1 could get that with no work whatsoever so would be hugely unfair.

I hadn't even considered getting a gift for DS1 as I guess part of me feels its for his benefit he should work hard but now I feel a bit mean lol. To be honest he could have worked harder but will come out with a good set of results anyway I think. He didn't not work but didn't sacrifice too much social life really. We are going to watch the cricket that night so I think he'll assume that's our celebration. He also earns very good money so I think taking him out for coffee/cake he'll appreciate.

I got cash for grades as I was quite clever at school but did nothing so was predicted dreadful grades as didnt even turn uo for mocks. I ended up with As and Bs as wanted the cash haha so it's definitely a good incentive for those who need a kick up the backside.