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Secondary education

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Original poster

DD has got a detention for using racist language

294 replies

SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 09:38

My DD who is 11and in year 7 has been in trouble at school for using racist language. She is serving a 60min detention after school today.

She has used a racist word that she probably didn't know had racial connotations, but pretty abhorrent. The other child had called her a midget during an argument (she is small in stature, only turned 11 in Aug) and she retaliated by saying a word which related to an animal considered very offensive to this boy's heritage.

The school hasn't communicated with us, just a notification from class charts, saying that she has been given a detention and a brief statement about what it's for. There has been other incidences with this boy too verging on the bullying and I fully support the school in giving her a detention.

It wasn't just her, these incidences involved her best friend too.

My question is, do I contact the school regarding this? Or just let them deal with this? I hate to see her labelled like this so early into high school and it makes me so sad. She thoroughly deserves to be punished for the bullying behaviour, but I don't think she meant to be racist.
She hadn't even had a time out in primary school and always had very positive reports with regards to behaviour, so this is very untypical of her. She is normally a very quiet well behaved child. And now the school must think she is a troublemaker.

Do I let this be or try and explain the situation to school?

Thanks

OP posts:
pinkgin85 · 19/11/2021 14:28

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Innocenta · 19/11/2021 14:58

@SoupDragon The word 'm*dget' is an ableist slur. A slur is a slur even if the person at whom it is aimed doesn't 'fit' the targeted group.

So sick of seeing the constant justifications of ableism here on MN.

Innocenta · 19/11/2021 14:58

@pinkgin85

Being short at 11 years old is not a hardship, it's the age where some girls have already gone through puberty and some haven't so there's a big range in heights. I'm only 5ft as an adult and at 11 was much shorter, it didn't bother me. So no it's not even comparable to what she called him. And we don't know what led to the argument. Perhaps she was bullying him as usual and he ended up lashing out. Not excusing the word midget but it's not even in the same league in this context.
It's an ableist slur. It is absolutely comparable, and saying it isn't = justifying the use of ableist terminology.
CatsArePeople · 19/11/2021 14:59

Racist language is worse than random name calling.

any name calling is wrong. you don't have a moral high ground if you are a minority.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 19/11/2021 15:21

@CatsArePeople

Racist language is worse than random name calling.

any name calling is wrong. you don't have a moral high ground if you are a minority.

You do have the moral high ground if the person has bullied you for who knows how long, you snap, and they then use a racism in retaliation.

I cant believe people on here are excusing a racist bully because her victim called her a name.

ThousandsOfTulips · 19/11/2021 15:45

@Worstyear2020

I think racist comments are much more serious than calling someone midget, people get killed for being different race, not being small.

I can't believe you want to educate school rather than your daughter with regard of her behaviour.

You clearly have no idea of the abuse that disabled people have and continue to suffer. Both are just as bad as each other, it's not discrimination top trumps. If the boy had said something sexist, should he still not be punished? How does this hierarchy of discrimination you've invented work?

Both children should be in detention.

SoupDragon · 19/11/2021 15:57

How many of you use the word "idiot"?

TuftyMarmoset · 19/11/2021 16:03

@SoupDragon

How many of you use the word "idiot"?
I don’t personally but even if you do that doesn’t somehow make it ok to use ableist slurs Confused
Innocenta · 19/11/2021 16:10

@SoupDragon

How many of you use the word "idiot"?
Many people with disabilities, or simply people informed about ableism, do not use that word. Even those who do are likely unaware of its provenance. 'M*dget' is a slur that has been deemed offensive by those it targets for decades now, and is still actively used to dehumanise them.

There is nothing in the world that can justify racism. But for anyone to turn around and say 'oh, well, it's different with ableism...' - that's rank hypocrisy and also quite intellectually lazy. Both forms of bigotry target marginalised groups; both are unacceptable.

LondonGirl83 · 19/11/2021 16:29

This young girl clearly has serious issues. She has been bullying this boy, bullying her brother and has escalated to using racist language.

OP, you are painting a picture of a child that doesn’t just need educating around racist abuse but potentially support for something much deeper going on given this is largely out of character.

As a family you need to figure this out with urgency.

Tal45 · 19/11/2021 16:51

Midget is totally unacceptable, monkeyface is totally unacceptable, midget will probably seem a worse insult to those who have dwarfism and monkeyface will seem worse to those who are black. There doesn't have to be a competition for worst name with one trumping the other, they are both equally unacceptable and shame on those defending terms that denigrate disabled people over those that denigrate black people like there's some kind of hierarchy.

OP forget ranting at your daughter you need to educate her. You need to educate her on the struggles black people have been through and why racial abuse is now a crime and just how serious it is. You also need to get to the bottom of what is going on with her and this friend of hers - why are they feeling the need to bully others? Is this friend a bad influence? Are they just bored and getting themselves into trouble because of it? What's going on?

CatsArePeople · 19/11/2021 17:01

i think we can conclude, that if you're having a spat, it's safer and less offensive to just old-fashioned swear at one another

TiredOfThisShiz · 19/11/2021 19:04

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TiredOfThisShiz · 19/11/2021 19:06

@Tal45 actually I retract that last comment, I appreciate that you understand the importance of educating our children of the struggles of POC

That being said my first comment still stands

SoupDragon · 19/11/2021 19:07

I don’t personally but even if you do that doesn’t somehow make it ok to use ableist slurs

Way to completely miss the point 😂😂

ColinTheKoala · 22/11/2021 17:17

Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

It's still something you can't change about yourself so perhaps it should be.

ThousandsOfTulips · 23/11/2021 10:22

@ColinTheKoala

Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

It's still something you can't change about yourself so perhaps it should be.

No, but disabilities such as dwarfism are. Hence "midget" being a discriminatory slur that is equally as bad as any racist or sexist slur.
ThousandsOfTulips · 23/11/2021 10:22

@ColinTheKoala

Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

It's still something you can't change about yourself so perhaps it should be.

No, but disabilities such as dwarfism are. Hence "midget" being a discriminatory slur that is equally as bad as any racist or sexist slur.
Placido · 23/11/2021 13:52

@SoupDragon how disgusting to laugh at someone being upset that a child was bullied based on the way they look. Shame on you.

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