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Secondary education

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Original poster

DD has got a detention for using racist language

294 replies

SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 09:38

My DD who is 11and in year 7 has been in trouble at school for using racist language. She is serving a 60min detention after school today.

She has used a racist word that she probably didn't know had racial connotations, but pretty abhorrent. The other child had called her a midget during an argument (she is small in stature, only turned 11 in Aug) and she retaliated by saying a word which related to an animal considered very offensive to this boy's heritage.

The school hasn't communicated with us, just a notification from class charts, saying that she has been given a detention and a brief statement about what it's for. There has been other incidences with this boy too verging on the bullying and I fully support the school in giving her a detention.

It wasn't just her, these incidences involved her best friend too.

My question is, do I contact the school regarding this? Or just let them deal with this? I hate to see her labelled like this so early into high school and it makes me so sad. She thoroughly deserves to be punished for the bullying behaviour, but I don't think she meant to be racist.
She hadn't even had a time out in primary school and always had very positive reports with regards to behaviour, so this is very untypical of her. She is normally a very quiet well behaved child. And now the school must think she is a troublemaker.

Do I let this be or try and explain the situation to school?

Thanks

OP posts:
MrsHamlet · 18/11/2021 21:11

Racist incidents should be reported to the local authority.

Hoppinggreen · 18/11/2021 21:13

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

My children are white, and of course I don’t know whether it’s ok, or I wouldn’t have said it Confused
If they are white it’s fine to call them monkeys because obviously nobody would use it as a racial slur against them. I can’t believe I am actually having to explain this
WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 18/11/2021 21:18

Well, I’m sorry if I’m missing the obvious. I’m not neurotypical so that could be why. Thanks for clarifying.

It seemed to me that if it was a racial slur, I wouldn’t call it anyone. Just as I wouldn’t call my white children the N word.

stairway · 18/11/2021 22:03

I call my children cheeky monkeys too, but I think maybe it’s best to stop using it in case they repeat it to other children. They aren’t black but they look racially ambiguous particularly the middle child.

MyAnacondaMight · 18/11/2021 22:26

You seem more concerned about your daughter being ^seen as racist, than about her being^ racist.

No point trying to smooth it over with the school - they’re not going to believe your claim that she didn’t know it was a racist insult. But I would spend some time at home talking about racism - she needs to understand the gravity of the situation.

Bellevu · 18/11/2021 23:46

Just checking:

Your daughter has been bullying the boy
He called her a midget in response
She called him a monkeyface in retaliation
The school have given her a detention in response

CraftyGin · 19/11/2021 00:00

To the Outraged of Mumsnet, what do you want to happen?

The girl has apologised and served her punishment. Her family are besides themselves.

We are universal in agreeing that racist talk and racism is not on - ever.

When is she forgiven and allowed to move on?

He who throws the first stone.....

PinkWednesdays · 19/11/2021 00:15

@CraftyGin Do you mean she who throws the first stone, considering she’s bullying the boy?

And are you actually suggesting he brought it on himself…?

CraftyGin · 19/11/2021 00:23

[quote PinkWednesdays]**@CraftyGin* Do you mean she* who throws the first stone, considering she’s bullying the boy?

And are you actually suggesting he brought it on himself…?[/quote]
No, I'm not suggesting that at all. Use Google.

Confused
PinkWednesdays · 19/11/2021 00:28

@CraftyGin My mistake…I took your reference to “he” to the boy in question! Doh!

rrhuth · 19/11/2021 03:29

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

Well, I’m sorry if I’m missing the obvious. I’m not neurotypical so that could be why. Thanks for clarifying.

It seemed to me that if it was a racial slur, I wouldn’t call it anyone. Just as I wouldn’t call my white children the N word.

I didn't use it either because I associate the word with racism, it is a word that has crap connotations. Once you know that, the word loses its fun sense I think.

So I don't think you are missing the obvious.

PAFMO · 19/11/2021 06:11

@CraftyGin

To the Outraged of Mumsnet, what do you want to happen?

The girl has apologised and served her punishment. Her family are besides themselves.

We are universal in agreeing that racist talk and racism is not on - ever.

When is she forgiven and allowed to move on?

He who throws the first stone.....

I'm not outraged. I'm white. I think it'd be quite nice if adults stop excusing their racist children. But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so sadly, I think we've still got a way to go.

The child has been punished for what she said- good. Hopefully she'll stop bullying now too. Hopefully the parents ARE beside themselves and have a good look at themselves and how it could possibly happen that their daughter has been BOTH a bully and a racist.

The fact that you equate other people being disgusted at the actions and words of this person with the actions themselves tells us that your "we are universal" thing is a bit chinny reckon.

stairway · 19/11/2021 08:56

PAFMO , I think you miss the point that whilst it might be satisfying labelling the child and her parents racist, for many 11 year olds the derogatory words ‘monkey face’ and ‘midget’ would seem like equivalent insults. I think the children need to be explained why these words are acceptable rather than be given horrible labels. Obviously if it were to continue that would be a different matter.

stairway · 19/11/2021 08:56

*unacceptable

CatsArePeople · 19/11/2021 09:17

Both kids were little shits. Name calling is awful behaviour. If you engage in throwing insults around, you aren't exactly a blameless victim because someone out-insulted you.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 19/11/2021 09:22

@CatsArePeople

Both kids were little shits. Name calling is awful behaviour. If you engage in throwing insults around, you aren't exactly a blameless victim because someone out-insulted you.
If the victim of bullying snaps and name calls then they should expect racist slurs thrown back at them? Confused
PAFMO · 19/11/2021 10:15

@stairway

PAFMO , I think you miss the point that whilst it might be satisfying labelling the child and her parents racist, for many 11 year olds the derogatory words ‘monkey face’ and ‘midget’ would seem like equivalent insults. I think the children need to be explained why these words are acceptable rather than be given horrible labels. Obviously if it were to continue that would be a different matter.
I haven't missed any point ta. The racist apologists on here are abhorrent.
WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 19/11/2021 10:52

To me, ‘monkey face’ seems more obviously racist than ‘monkey’

rrhuth · 19/11/2021 13:25

@CatsArePeople

Both kids were little shits. Name calling is awful behaviour. If you engage in throwing insults around, you aren't exactly a blameless victim because someone out-insulted you.
Wrong.

Racist language is worse than random name calling.

Innocenta · 19/11/2021 13:39

@Worstyear2020

I think racist comments are much more serious than calling someone midget, people get killed for being different race, not being small.

I can't believe you want to educate school rather than your daughter with regard of her behaviour.

People are absolutely murdered because of disability. Defending the ableist slur is inexcusable.
Innocenta · 19/11/2021 13:40

@rrhuth It wasn't random name calling. It was an ableist slur.

SoupDragon · 19/11/2021 14:07

[quote Innocenta]@rrhuth It wasn't random name calling. It was an ableist slur. [/quote]
No it wasn't. The DD isn't disabled, she's just young.

stairway · 19/11/2021 14:14

SoupDragon is it ok to use derogatory words for a disabled person as long as the person isn’t disabled? So it’s ok to call someone a spastic as long as they aren’t disabled. Midget is a really nasty word. It shouldn’t be used.

SoupDragon · 19/11/2021 14:24

@stairway

SoupDragon is it ok to use derogatory words for a disabled person as long as the person isn’t disabled? So it’s ok to call someone a spastic as long as they aren’t disabled. Midget is a really nasty word. It shouldn’t be used.
I assume you've complained to the manufacturers of Midget Gems then.
SoupDragon · 19/11/2021 14:27

And I assume you never use the word "idiot"...?