I feel so angry reading 'Everyone's Invited' website about rape culture largely at private schools

[Bouledeneige]

So I read the Dulwich College post and now the allegations about Highgate School on Newsnight. There are fulsome letters to both schools governors published online. They make for heartbreaking and stomach churning reading. I am so angry. I've just read the 'Everyone's invited' website and I can see how entrenched misogyny, rape culture, slut shaming, homophobia and racism are in the named school. - mostly private but a few selective.

And underling them all is a powerful suggestion that school leadership is all about 'boys will be boys', reputation management and 'there's two sides to every story'. So traumatised female students are forced into silence and reduced to walking the corridors with their abusers with lots of mockery and slutt shaming accompanying them. Its so disgusting - it is beyond anything that can be excused. Who on earth wants our sons to be recruited into this misogynistic and coercive rape culture or our daughters abused and living in fear of it?

I've stated my views on other threads. My kids went to a not so perfect state school in London. The big difference to these accounts is that they experienced a very 'woke' and 'right on' school culture that demonstrated a zero tolerance culture and empowerment of the female students. They were so empowered they actively and powerfully called out sexist, racist and homophobic behaviours and the perpetrators - boys - were called to account formally and informally. It was not a perfect school at all - there was drugs, sexual behaviour and bullying but the culture of the school was so zero tolerance it went beyond a few PHSE chats it was inculcated in the ethos of the whole school. the predominant culture was mature female and diverse voices,, backed by teachers and the leadership of the school articulating a mature and equitable world. To be fair I think the boys followed behind.

But I'm not focused on my DC's experiences. I'm absolutely choked that the Harvey Weinstein, rape assertive power dynamic is prospering in school environments. Its disgusting. I hope there is a root and branch review and parents start asking about the character that private and selective schools engender |not just the results. There's an old adage that a[rents of boys would prefer them to be civilised by being schooled alongside their female contemporaries but that girls do better in all female environments.

It is such a joke when we talk about equality in work environments when so many women have been exposed to these brutish rapey school environments. We will never change society if we don't change education. And we have to more actively prepare our young men for decent and egalitarian behaviour to women and our young women to be empowered to be empowered and seek retribution. But in the end it will be leadership in schools that have a primarily male culture that makes the biggest difference investigating and punishing out sexist and abusive behaviour and treating perpetrators in the same way as students accused of drugs offences. And secondly, peer pressure amongst young men at parties, on school buses and in classes that really calls out bad behaviour.- this is not who we are as men. It really, really matters. And parents can't leave it to someone else. They need to actively avoid school environments with toxic cultures and probe how they exert a zero tolerance egalitarian culture. Take action, remove your money and change the economy of private schooling.

Happens everywhere. But state schools have more accountability and more thorough processes to deal with reported cases.
I would be more comfortable with my DC in state schools where I know these processes exist. .

I recommend reading the article below. At the moment, wonderful and innocent boys - yes, there are still many of them in publicly stigmatized schools, persecuted and mocked by the public and the media. This is based on thousands of anonymous and unconfirmed reports. These reports relate to a number of private schools and state schools. They refer to an undefined period of time (in years) and to an undefined group of students. In a report made a few years ago for the British Parliament, 29% of girls experienced unwanted sexual touching at school and a further 71% of 16–18-year-olds said they heard sexual name-calling such as “slut” or “ slag ". Despite this, 4-5 private schools are attacked in the media and social media. The same are repeated. The same school names are repeated and the same pictures are published. Schools are attacked as a whole, so the attacks affect every single student of these schools. In the name of defending some children, other children are attacked only because they are students of that school. Nobody calls you a murderer just because a man has been murdered in your area. This is slander and is prohibited by law. But calling all students at school "sexual predators" is most appropriate. Such a double morality.
P.S.
Information for people who believe that the existence of private schools is socially unfair. To qualify for a place in a leading private school, children must pass very difficult multi-stage examinations. Preparation for them involves many years of enormous work and commitment on the part of children and their parents. Many parents pay for their children's education at the cost of buying a new apartment or going on vacation. And the most important. Anyone can send their child to a private school. Schools provide funding of up to 100% as well as academic, sports and artistic scholarships. It is very difficult to obtain them because the competition is very big. However, it is possible.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9434075/Boys-schools-embroiled-sex-abuse-scandal-change-uniform-avoid-branded-rapists.html

@Poorlykitten

I don’t know anyone with modest income that can afford a private school, I guess it wholly depends on what your definition of modest is..

scholarships, maybe you do not know anyone but they are available and used. I know three families.

Bursaries attract parents with modest incomes. That is the whole point of them. Scholarships have less £££ attached, if any. Grandparents pay too. I have seen quite ordinary folk with several DC at top boarding schools. Funded by bursaries and grandparents making up the difference. Bursaries are not based on grandparental wealth and their need to off-load money to avoid Inheritance tax.

My DC is a pupil at one of the independent schools targeted by the press this week. They have been coed for 30 years and are academically selective. DC has been in the school since age 3 and I have known many of the pupils, both girls and boys since they were toddlers. The girls are a pretty vocal and confident group and it would take a brave boy/young man to cross them. The school promotes an environment of quiet confidence and values kindness and politeness both in and outside of school. It is very evident amongst the majority of pupils even the more high spirited ones.
But like most schools they do have problems with bullying and other behaviours. From experience the school are quick to respond to problems, when reported, unfortunately not every parent sees these behaviours in the same way. Some are very sensitive when their child is accused of poor behaviour, but the majority support the school with regard to discipline issues. To be honest we all know the serial offenders and their enabling parents ( and also the snowflake/gullible parents).
The post on the EL site was written by someone who hadn’t been a pupil for at least 15 years and didn’t reflect current school rules but the press made no effort to check this out or that the rules applied to the girls were identical to those applied to the boys so claims that it was sexist were unfounded.

Some thoughts on this - having taught in state and indies and having a teenage daughter.

1. This has happened for a long time. My recollections of the early 90s at a state comp are of the 'cool' boys behaving like this at parties. I look back now and their behaviour towards (often younger) girls was certainly toxic masculinity/rape culture. I actually feel guilty that I didn't call them out on it or report them - but the feisty feminist in me didn't emerge until later. I sometimes think of those poor girls who were labelled slags when they were actually taken advantage of/abused.

2.Social media and access to porn has undoubtedly made things worse - young boys think really horrible and aggressive sex is normal. Slut shaming isn't now just about telling your mates - it's about telling your thousands of followers.

1. It happens in all schools and the perpetrators are the dominant 'in' set of boys - for reasons to do with being sporty/rich/hard. Other boys desperately want to be in their gang and girls often want to go out with them.

1. I also despair of society/culture now which encourages girls to constantly post photos in their underwear from the age of about 11. This isn't victim blaming but it sends out the message that we as a society only care about a sexualised image of girls - they don't seem to post about sporting victories or doing well at school. It all seems to be about how pretty/sexy they look and the comments they get from friends reinforces this. I do think that this is part of the wider societal problem of what we value about girls.

1. This can't be solved by schools alone....... it is far too big.

1. If I think about it too much, it makes me really sad.

I notice that pp above thought the safeguarding procedures varied from type of school to type of school. They do not. The only difference might be how the teacher and Safeguarding officer choose to deal with complaints. In effect, there should be no choice but there is no reason to think state schools have not made "choices" too. I do think Ofsted has a broader and more detailed remit than ISI to look at how Safeguarding is handled but the law is the same for all.