Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

I'm so sorry OP. You've had good advice. #1 priority is restore MH #2 Sit GCSEs when appropriate which may not be this year. Not at that school.

Write down everything you and dd can remember and collate emails etc for as far back as you can.

I'm not surprised they won't email, they're frightened to write anything that may incriminate them.

I would either record the meeting (after agreeing codes such as child #1 etc) or go with a solicitor. Delay the meeting if necessary so it's on your terms.

Go to the police OP! Do what the previous poster advised you to do

School sounds appalling.

It does sound as if you need to pull her out now, because her mental health is more important than anything. Even if the school start doing something more effective at this point, it's possibly too late.

I would consider talking to the police. If stuff is being sent around about her online or on phones then there may be a criminal offence. It should be possible to talk to someone about it.
(www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/bullying-and-law/what-does-law-say-about-bullying may be helpful)

(There's some stuff somewhere on that site about what steps you can take if a school fails to address bullying effectively.)

I think the school owe you some support, especially if you're tied into fees for next term. At the very least, they ought to allow her to take her exams there - they've probably already entered her, and you'd probably be looking at late entry fees to enter her elsewhere at this point. Taking them in a separate room to the other girl may be feasible if they have those with extra time in a separate room, but might be difficult otherwise, although they could perhaps enable her to come in after everyone else is seated and leave first so she doesn't have to mingle.
If the syllabus has mostly been covered, perhaps they could provide revision materials and mark work on past papers (particularly any subjects you don't feel confident about), and preferably some individual tuition.
If you do consider going to the police, that might provide a bit of leverage when it comes to discussing how she can be supported with her exam preparation.

They are not sending you an email so you cannot keep a copy. Take notes on Thursday and when you get home type them up and send an email to school saying this was the conversation that took place between all of us today, then you have a documented copy.

If they aren't going to exclude the other pupil then I would inform the school that you cannot allow your daughter to be in school as they are unable to keep her safe. Surely lack of proper safeguarding procedures is a breach of contract on their part and you should be able to you withdraw your daughter with immediate effect, and not be liable for paying any further fees?

Use the voice recording app on your phone, place on the table during the meeting and inform the teachers (whilst recording so you have proof) that you are recording this meeting in case evidence is required in the future.

Ruffle their feathers, make them worried about what you will do not what the bullies parents will

I'm absolutely astounded reading this.

The 'school' needs naming and shaming eventually.

I would pull her out. I'd go and collect her immediately.

I'd email HoY, Head. And make a complaint. And send to parent governors.

It's 1/2 term next week, I'd try to get it resolved, pushed, so she could return ASAP after Feb 1/2 term.

The investigation concludes today?
But the head doesn't know what's happened recently. He needs to know!

So at least copy and paste this thread into an email. Do it by email, not verbally, so you've got a paper trail. Do it tonight.

Oblomov She's already pulled her out, read the latest update.

I just feel really really sad and tearful.
My poor dd- when I suggested in the car that her dad talk to them on Thursday about dd working from home and taking her exams at the school- she agreed and said it felt positive. Then she said I know they can do it because.... and then her voice trailed off and she began to cry ‘because they let the bullies do that’.
So dd will be treated like the bullies. And her bully will receive no punishment.

The investigation has concluded today but the deputy head is no refusing to send us an email as he said he would with details and now we have to wait until the head is back on Thursday to get the information on the conclusion.
So I obviously can’t send my dd back in - she just can’t take anymore.

Crossposted.

‘because they let the bullies do that’.

Good Lord what kind of place is this?

What did the Governers do?

Sorry if I've missed that

Really sorry to read this OP. One of my friends works for Cambridge Home School and you can definitely take GCSEs via them as we have discussed the logistics many times. I don't work for them or have anything to do with them other than knowing my friend. But you do have options.

OP why would you want to send your DD back in? honestly at this point you have to do damage limitation. Stop hoping for an agreeable resolution from this sham of a school, pick up the phone first thing tomorrow and start contacting places suggested by posters here where your DD might be able to continue her studies. I've also read many good things on here about "Interhigh". Once you start finding out what opportunities there are for her you will find this nasty school and its actions has less power over you. You can still engage with the complaint proceedings but your DD will be on the road to recovery from this traumatic experience and be looking forward to her GCSEs.

Sorry. Missed last post.

It's staggering that they've implicitly accepted everything the bully is doing by putting in measures to protect your daughter but they are, seemingly, doing nothing to punish the bully.

I would seriously consider taking some legal advice on this. And also preparing a full complaint to send to the school governors.

I’m so glad your DD is out of that place. Poor love! And poor you to be doing your utmost to support her in the face of truly cynical and incompetent treatment by the school. I don’t know if this helps, but basically this is ‘bullying 101’. The bully ringleader behaves like all abusers and isolates their target. Others are too scared or intimidated to stand up for the victim. There is nothing your DD could have done differently and tell her from me (with a lot of prior experience here) that she’s been very brave. The people with the duty of care and the power to change things are the teachers and staff - and they have failed miserably. More. They have colluded. I endured all this in a ‘sink’ secondary modern in the 1970s, it’s grotesque your girl is going through it in a fee-paying school in 2020. I’d be giving them no more money and I’d be considering legal action. As PP have suggested, get as much as you can in writing: your complaints in full with a time line and the school’s responses. Your DD won’t have anything like a level playing field to sit her A Levels, and will have options to find an alternative 6th form college. Her wellbeing comes first.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am your DD is going through this. We had a DC bullied. School denied it and were useless. We kept trying. In the end we just had to remove our DC. Our child is now thriving and your DD will too once she is away from this dreadful school.

Please enjoy having your DD with the happy knowledge she's at least safe at home. When you calm down and have had some rest, please write everything that's happened and go to the police. This child sounds like a sociopath. I've heard of many instances of bullying but never this bad. I'm not trying to make you feel bad as you've continually done the right thing but this bully sounds like a psycho that could potentially hurt your child out of school.

I'd return the email saying.

Thank you letting you know what they are doing next.
As a courtesy you are doing the same.
You are reporting the child for physically assaulting and verbally abusing you to the police and seeking s
A solicitors advice re reimbursement of fees for them failing to provide the education you've paid for.

Let them mull that over ahead of thursdays meeting. Hopefully they'll have a serious think.

I'd also tell the head you are removing your dd because if he's unable to deal with a child bully and stand up for what's right then he isn't fit to run a school ensuring your dd is safeguarded.

You're dd can always do the November round of GCSEs if needed. Education is a marathon and not a sprint and her MH matters the most right now.

Would it be worth posting in legal board to get some advice of best kickass way to handle that meeting and what you could realistically expect in terms of action and recompense?

Thank you everyone- I’ve sent the thread to dd to let her know that she’s not alone.
There’s been lots of tears tonight.
We moved here because dd had spent so much time outside the Uk and we thought that it was a wonderful school with really good core moral values. It’s why we returned to give her stability and a shared history.
Unfortunately she doesn’t have one friend after 5 years and is going to have to bow out before her GCSEs.
It’s almost like she’s in shock.