Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

I'd pull her out and demand a full year's refund.

This is a breach of contract on their part- I don't know what the terms and conditions of the school are, but surely there's a part where they say they will keep your DC safe.

Your DC is not safe and you may have grounds for breach of contract.

I'd go and get her immediately, get her to pack her things and leave today. Honestly though, I would have pulled her out years ago. Why leave her there suffering?

There are hundreds of schools you can choose from in this country. Why keep her there? Are you on a scholarship/bursary or something?

For her GCSEs her mental health is far more important for her to do well. I can't see how she'd do well with all this going on around her. Once she's home she will feel an immense sense of relief to never have go back again. (Been there done that got the t-shirt. I did very well in my A levels. Far better than if I'd stayed).

Go and see a solicitor and get a really well written snotty letter sent.

I hope you have kept email records of everything that has gone on.

My word op! I read your thread in horror I absolutely dread this sort of thing happening to my dc. I wouldn't hesitate to pull her straight out, you can battle the school once she's safely back. Really her mental health has to be the priority, there would be no chance that I'd send her back for sixth form.

No bursary no scholarship no nothing really

I’ve no idea what I’m going to do now.

They’ve provided her with zero support and I can’t take her back

What kind of sorry excuse for a private school is it where this kind of crap is going on? My goodness! the bully went and yelled at your DD at the housemistresses table and nothing was done? they should close the bloody school down. Pull your DD out immediately.

I would take her out and hire an attorney to hold them accountable.
Get your tuition back at least.

This other girl sounds like a psychopath. I cannot imagine a 16 year old physically assaulting a parent. I’d report that to the police also, immediately.

I know once you start complaint proceedings they will get their lawyer out. Take a deep breath, can you afford a lawyer to get initial advice? Make an example of them! absolutely incensed on your behalf.

Name and shame the school. The school doesn't deserve any protection

I actually suspect the interviewing of the bully and the friends may be to discredit dd .
It’s easier for them that way.

Sounds like victim blaming to me. Feel very sorry for your DD.

I have never ever suggested that anyone 'go public', 'name and shame', etc - but I'd dearly love you to say which school this is, so that everyone who finds it on MN will know to avoid it like the proverbial. Even a generalised location would probably be enough to alert people. Nobody should be sending their child there. I've just had an email from my DC1's housemaster (brilliant schoool, brilliant HM), and it makes me feel ill to imagine DC1 in the situation your DD is in now.

If you don't want to publicly name and shame, you should still definitely contact the chair of governors and the ISI. Is the school part of an 'umbrella' organisation (as the GDST schools are)? Is it affiliated to any particular faith (C of E, RC, Quaker - anything at all)? Or is it completely 'free-standing'?

Give her a huge hug. Just keep telling her the school has let her down. None of it is her fault.

Agree with PP tell school she is having extended study leave at home. There are lots of online resources to help with revision. The thread on this board 'no.3 GCSEs 2020' has lots of helpful pointers. Agree school should let her sit them there even if special provision has to be made.

I would take advice from both the police and a solicitor. I would be looking to seek repayment of at least a portion of the school fees.

It is only a suspicion but my gut instinct is that at the moment you are easier to piss off than the bully's parents and your DD leaving is an easier solution for them, the path of least resistance. I'd be looking to challenge that perspective.

I can honestly tell you that whatever harrumphing you do, they won’t care! They will have deep enough pockets to see you off (unless you are pretty wealthy). They will also require 1 terms notice or fees in lieu.

You will expend a lot of fruitless energy on this. I know from bitter experience that it’s a nightmare scenario and they do blame victims. This is because investigations are a sham and the bully will just continue to manipulate and lie. They probably have friends that will lie too. It’s the classic Queen Bee and Wannabees situation.

So what to do? If you feel she really cannot go back, you might need to look at repeating y11 elsewhere. Look at somewhere like Doverbroecks at Oxford. If they cannot help, they might know a school that can. MPW has already been mentioned. You might also find an educational consultant could help advise too.

I find it extraordinary that schools don’t follow procedures and policies. But they don’t. You will have a very rocky road ahead if you take them on. It took me years to get over our issues with the school and it affected older DD too in ways I won’t divulge here. It’s such a shame your DD is y11. I’m also surprised she was interviewed alone with no female member of staff present.

I’ve just returned from collecting dd.
She’s very emotional and really messed up tbh. She felt like the deputy put pressure on her to say what should happen as he asked her what she wanted to happen.
My dh has called for an update and deputy refused to get into his decision and that he’d send an email later. Dh said it was very clear from the call that they are doing nothing.
The deputy said it would be a ‘shame’ if dd didn’t come in tommorow (dh said she wouldn’t be safe) as they’ve put in special safeguarding including a member of staff always bring in the house to make sure the bully css as my go in and that all staff members have been very fed to look after dd.
But that’s it. Nothing else. Dh is going to make an appointment with the headmaster when he returns to school on Thursday morning.

Police and solicitor.
And bring her home.
Police need to enforce rules as the bully will continue to harass you even if your daughter leaves the school

Have you tried reporting it to the school?

staff members have been told to look out for dd

Dds housemistress was present when she was ‘interviewed!

Yes liam

I feel like if she was a full time boarder she would be treated very differently

I think part of this is coming to terms with the idea of school not caring about your DD.
We had this in the past with my son.
The only resolutions was the startling realization that school faculty did not care about the safety and happiness of my son and would not take any steps to keep him safe.
We removed him, homeschooled while we looked for a new place and found the therapist to repair some of the damage to his self esteem.
I hope you can find a good resolution for
your DD.
What she, and your family are going through it just awful.

A friend of mine has removed her son for a similar reason, they started home schooling after the Christmas break and they're using interhigh, the difference in his mood is amazing, he walks around with his head held high and is just a much happier boy. He's in yr 10 and I'm not fully sure of the logistics regarding sitting exams though. interhigh.co.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIjPT5wffJ5wIVyrTtCh2epwumEAAYASAAEgKrefD_BwE

So relieved she's home.

I wouldnt believe the daylight from the school at this point and personally I wouldnt send her back for exams - how could she possibly do well while wondering if she will see the bully? I sat an A-level as a private candidate some years ago at the local comprehensive. I did the course via the National Extension College. Friends are looking at Interhigh. A girl who was always unhappy at schools locally has blossomed at 6th form college. Even if she has to wait a few months and take gcses at the resit time or even next year, what on earth does that matter?

Of course your dd felt responsible when she was asked 'what do you want to happen'. Whatever she said, that was a shitty approach to a child who has been stalked,ostracized and attacked for 3 years.

Remove her from school, buy the CGP books for her GCSE subjects, download a ton of past papers from the subject exam board and go from there.
For her to sit exams this summer, you will need to be quick..unless the school can offer for her to sit them there, but that's probably not the best environment for her.
The other things you could do, is remove her, give her time off to recover and send her to college in September to repeat GCSEs. Yes, she will be a year behind, but she will be so much happier and her mental health will be quicker to repair.
Do you know where the bully might be going for sixth form? Make sure you steer well clear of that school.

Seniorschooldesperation

And they didn't do anything?

We’ve just received an email saying that they have changed their mind and have decide to not even send us an email outlining their findings as it involves other pupils... and that we have to wait for a meeting with the headmaster on Thursday