Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

She should definitely cry it out. It is so unfair and horrible. Im only 10 or so years older than her, I'll be happy to find this girl and teach her a thing or two about bullying. I can probably get away with looking 16 if I put on a uniform! And with the level of safeguarding in this school they may even defend me or not notice at all lol
I may or may not be joking.

Jesus. Why the hell has she been left in this school to be ripped to pieces like this? I wouldn't survive that as an adult. I think you need to prepare for her to be severely traumatised, I would be using the school fees to pay for some serious counselling starting now.

malmonar

The response is savage isn’t it ?

I normally deal with the school stuff and am def very assertive and get shit done but I’ve had to step back from this and didn’t attend the meeting DH went to on Friday because I am INCANDESCENT with rage and I’m not sure I trust myself.
I lost my shit with dds registration teacher this afternoon- we have a really good friendship and mutual respect and I swore and everything. WTF it’s only because we have that relationship that I did - I would never normally do that - after my dad is ok I’ll buy her flowers —or a bong—

*dd

I agree yes

My kids go to private school

I went this route to avoid bullying. To be fair. They really crack down on it. You get one chance. Screw that up and you’re out

I would be demanding a talk with the head and explain everything. Is there anyway your dd can get proof? Film on her mobile phone?

Let them know you won’t be standing for this. You WILL talk to the ISI. Etc.

Stand your ground

They really don't give a crap OP. Honestly I'd be going to the police and the daily mail lol. Publicity is king for schools like this. I say that knowing the police probably won't/can't do much but at least it'll scare them. This child is a psycho and some of the bits you've said sound like some melodramatic American teen drama, I can't believe your DD has lived through it. Props to her she's v strong to endure it, I couldn't.

Also, a police report will at least give your daughter's claims so credibility as falsifying that is an offence. Going to the ISI with that would hold some weight.

Get your DD signed off sick with stress and PTSD, that way she will stay on the school roll and they have to let her sit exams if that is what you decide.

I wouldn't let my daughter stay in that school, don't give them another penny, instead pay for a tutor. I would also name and shame the school in a public way.

What school is it ?

I obviously can’t name the school. Dd May stay to finish her exams and I’ve given lots of details that may identify people to those that attend.
Unfortunately as this thread evidences- there are lots of young people who experience this.

Oh. Erm, this is bizarre.

OP, I’m normally quite cynical about school stories where we only have one side. And I’m a teacher in an independent boarding school.

But two things:

1. They are doing an ‘investigation’? In Year 11? Lasting several days! It’s not the Grenfell enquiry! That’s terrible pastoral care. It’s like they’re creating a drama themselves, utterly prolonging the agony for everyone involved- including the teachers. It suggests to me they have no clue what they’re doing at all!
2. They sent an email to a parent with the time when a crucial decision would be made and then they changed their mind?

OP, anyone with any experience of working in schools will tell you that that means there is chaos behind the scenes and SLT are awful.

Leave. Report it to ISI, as well as a letter to the governors. Find another school for her to sit her exams. Phone up your local comp.

That’s good advice curious

That sounds awful;. I'm so sorry.

Op I've only read half the thread so this may have been covered. Apologies if it has.

She is so close to the end of GCSEs that most of not all of the content should be covered already and it would be consolidating the learning and revising now which she should be able to do from home, getting into some study groups via online learning would definitely help her here or even seeing if there are any homeschool groups around, or consider using a private tutor for her weaker areas for an hour or so a week.

Sitting the exams - she can sit them at the school but she may also be able to sit them as an independent candidate in other exam centres if she doesn't wish to be at the school. Have you paid the exam entrance fees yet (as private school I'm assuming you need to pay for this on top of school fees)? If not, don't and go and enrol her independently are a local school- don't give this school her pass grade on their statistics.

Clear rules about sitting exams - jcq guidelines, familiarise yourself with these before deciding, I am not sure I would even want her going there to sit the exams as this girl would very likely use that time to get at her too.

We had a nightmare with bullying in Yr11. Like you I actually thought the school would do something. I seriously believed it would improve. All the while DD was going through hell everyday. All thinking they’d act and discipline the bullies. It went on and on and on! You're not getting anywhere so please get her out. My DD needed counselling to understand it wasn’t her fault. Sending you hugs as it’s soul destroying!! It still makes me so incredibly angry!

The only other think I would say is, make sure her social media is locked down , people blocked and privacy settings high just in case they try to bully her online .

She'd be better in any other school than this. Do not trust what SMT are saying at your school. They only have their own interests at heart.
Do not pay another penny to that place and take your child out immediately.
Any state school for example would be far far better.
Or there are plenty of other private schools.
But really if that's how bad private sector is youre going to be pleasantly surprised by how civilised the state sector is.
Please put child first.
Consider consulting police. Bully is committing crimes and is criminally responsible.
Don't make her go there.

So sorry, I missed that you’ve taken her out.

I agree with the PP who suggested taking your lawyer with you to the meeting on Thursday.

I'm at a loss to understand why you haven't had proper legal advice and seen the police. This is definitely in the realms of harassment which is a police matter. Being interviewed by the police might remove a few smirks frankly. Good luck. I hope you manage to find really good psychological help for your Dd.

I would find yourself a shit hot lawyer and put the fear of God into the school. You've paid £6k a term for your child to suffer horrific abuse. I would probably withdraw dd but make sure school sort out appropriate support / place to take her exams, using lawyers to fight your corner if necessary.

At the moment, it sounds like the school has little motivation to deal with the bullying for some reason. This could be financial or possibly some other reason you are unaware of. You need to up the ante considerably so that the outcome for the school of doing nothing has a very high cost to the school (eg being sued, reputational damage, reported to regulatory body etc).

Good luck to you and your dd. Hearing stories like this gives me the rage.

Yes, I absolutely think you need to get a lawyer quick and bring them into the meeting.

And please give your DD my love. She will need counselling after all this

I’m a little confused as to how I can call the police when school ‘investigations’ don’t acknowledge the bullying.
The police are not going to enter a school and interview students unless there is a physical assault.