Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

So upsetting to hear about your poor dd and really angry to hear that the school is basically not doing anything and seems to be trivialising this. Is there anyway you could subtly suggest that if your dd is not immediately provided with safe surroundings and the bully is not put in her place then you might go public with this? Bad press is an indy schools worse nightmare and even on social media if they thought they were getting a bad rep then they might step up their protection and action against this awful bully.

Best of luck with what you decide but I agree with previous posters, if you can't guarantee safety of your child then you need to remove her and blast this all over the net to warn other families that this school tolerates bullies.

Go get your girl, she’s close enough to GCSE’s that you can get a tutor at home for the rest of term or she sits them next year. Either way it’ll all be okay in the end, but go and get her ❤️

Agree with the poster upthread about revision - they will shortly be on study leave anyway presumably, or would be in a non-boarding environment so take her home, organise her revision and then ask for her to be in the SEN room on exam days and obviously take her to the room yourself to minimise bully interaction.

ternplustwenties
Thank you all good advice. I will look into those possibilities.
However - I’ll be paying 6000 per term for my dd to be at home while the bully takes advantage of clinics - teachers - study groups. My dd already misses sports now because of the bully - she’s queen of the pitch.

mrsjay
I think you’re correct. My dd has stood up for herself by going in everyday despite what the bully has thrown at her. This is the only reason that I can think why the bully continually targets her. The bully doesn’t like her - fine- why doesn’t the bully and all her friends just leave dd alone then? The problem is the bully actively seeks her out.

It’s a mixed sex school.

On Friday the bully and her group were heckling my dd in the lunch hall. Dd sat with two boys while the bully and the girls continued. Both boys talked about how frightened they were that dd was sat with them and how much shit they were going to get as a result. Dd offered to move and got up to clear her plate all the girls about 8 of them got up simultaneously - even though some of them had send finished and cleared there plates around her surrounding her. They then went and stood at the only exit so she would have to walk through them. So dd went and sat at her house mistresses table and told her what was happening. The bully came over and shouted at dd for being a rat in front of all the teachers.

That’s harassment. It’s passed the bullying stage. If your dd has recorded these incidents and so have the school, I’d be going to the police.
I’m not surprised the school has been ineffectual at sorting this. This is typical of the private sector as I see it a lot myself. It’s all about the school fees 🙄
The school have failed to safeguard your dd and I’d be holding back from paying the fees once you’ve removed her.
The school won’t like the police being involved. Not one bit.

Pull her out. Not all private schools are good. If she is reasonably bright and has access to text books and internet she can pass GCSEs.
Then look for a good state sixth form college.

God this is disgraceful behaviour. It's ridiculous the school aren't taking a harder line with this.
I hope your poor dd gets through this. I would absolutely pull her out, but if also be doing whatever I needed to to make other people aware. Twitter is very good for this, or school Facebook page.

Look at your home insurance policy and see if you have access to legal advice.
I did this and I am so glad I did.

Absolutely outrageous.

I would consider writing to the school to outline what they need to do in order to prevent you taking legal action. Under the Health and Safety at Work act, organisations have the same duty to non-employees as they do emplyees and they are not protecting your DD sufficiently.

Tell them you want her to have over the phone tutorials with each subject on a weekly basis, work set, and her to be able to come in to sit each exam. See what they say.

Absolutely pull her out. I wouldn't worry about what she will miss, what she will miss is daily stress and anxiety which is far more likely to harm achievement. How can she possibly focus when she is contending with this each day.

You can ask the school for revision material or look online I am sure there will be plenty of prep books. You could look at getting a tutor for some extra support if needed.

At the end of the day your daughter's mental health is worth far more than an A grade.

Before the school reports on its "investigation" pull her out and go straight to the police and file criminal charges. Point out that the school has done nothing to safeguard your daughter. Then see a lawyer about a civil suit against individual board members and school administrators. Threat of being named a party to the suit might make them punish the bully. Or they might agree to waive your fees and let you leave.

georgia god I’d love to do that

Oh my goodness. I was reading this getting really sad but with your latest update I'm angry. Please take her out and write a stern letter with everything that's happened. How can she get away with it in front of teachers. I would be calling the police and taking legal action and trying to get some fees back.
I also agree that this level of bullying will surely have an impact on her grades and I would see how she does in her exams. If badly, than I'd see if retaking y11 can be arranged.
Also, don't blame yourself. You could not have imagined it would go on like this and it's perfectly normal to think that once someone has been expelled it'll stop. She obviously scares the vast majority of pupils so I'm really curious why she's still there.
I'm so sorry to you both.

Do what Georgia has said! There is nothing you have to lose at this point. And going there may even help your daughter's self esteem.

Sorry, don’t know what homeschool they used, and dc is now applying for top universities - Durham, Etc.

I presume that she has nearly finished her syllabuses at school, so between now and May, it’s a matter of revision, revision, revision.

Maybe get the revision books and workbooks from CRC and get her to work through those. Speak to the six Gp form colleges, and see what they actually need to get in to do the courses she want to do. Ie. If you only need five GCSEs, don’t do ten. Maybe drop a couple.

Also, consider tutors for the weaker subjects, or those you are not confident with.

There’s bound to be a home-school network in your area. Ask around on local Facebook sites. You may find a mum who can teach French for example, and get ideas what to do.

If you’d like to do as Georgina says then do so! You’re within your rights to do so and that’d make the school sit up and listen. I vote do it

Just for info- dd isn’t a straight A student - dds an average student - when she tries. There is no pressure from us to be a high achiever academically. It is more important to us that she has good values and beliefs and that she does her best.
She is at this school because we were outside the Uk for years and we thought the pastoral cate might be an advantage as she transitioned.
The problem is it’s quite provincial she not like the locals but she’s not a boarder iyswim, so she doesn’t fit anywhere.

Dd would be ok with this but the bully has made her an untouchable.
Dds 100% ostracised.

This is typical of the private sector as I see it a lot myself. It’s all about the school fees

Untrue. It's typical of a bad school which doesn't care about its pupils' wellbeing. It has nothing to do with private/state.

This school is failing your child and no doubt other children. How awful. Can you report them to the independent schools inspectorate whatever it's called.

What are the school doing now? Is there a safe place your daughter can go inbetween and out of lessons. Obvious their reputation being independent will be of paramount interest so they dont lose potential income and as often happens things are brushed under the carpet particularly if the culprit(s) are academically or in some other way gifted.

Independents are very good at preparing youngsters for their GCSE's as they have so much more time, having less pupils and more resources and so you need to think carefully between you about removing ... could she work from home and submit her work to school and come in for individual tutorials?

Does the school have a mini psychopath/sociopath in their midst? What bullying work are they doing to discuss issues and why bullies bully to try and snap them out of it and stop their behaviour.

Your daughter only has to tolerate these dreadful youngsters for another 4 months so hopefully the school can put something in place for you and then she can move to somewhere else or they seem to think they are moving on.

Much love to you, your DD. PS: She is very resilient and courageous. Things to build self esteem:
Spontaneous picnics with you and she when the weather gets better.
Spa days
Karma will be visited on the others at some point
Dropping pebbles into the sea or river and saying your problems and hopes
Lots of love and luck. You will survive this. And think about how those others are going to run into trouble pretty soon in the next few years.

Have you got the schools bullying policy?

I would get her out today so she is home and safe and then you can explore options. This is over dramatic but GCSEs can be re-sat in a year. Recovering self-esteem from prolonged bullying cannot be fixed as easily. Please take this seriously.

I would expect her to have finished the syllabus in nearly everything (you would need to confirm this though).

Our yr11 haven't finished any of their courses yet, apart from the combined science groups. They should be finishing over the next half term. Her teachers will know where she's up to, and should be willing to pass on the info.

OP, what a dreadful situation and I'd request an urgent meeting with the designated safeguarding lead. Bullying has been classed as a safeguarding issue (as part of the "peer-on-peer abuse" section) for a while now, so ultimately the responsibility for keeping DD safe lies with the DSL.

In terms of work for her to do if you pull her out - I've heard excellent things about Seneca. You need to know what exam boards she is using, but that info may be on the school website if she doesn't know it (we put ours on the yr10 reports too).

I'm not sure if we can share facebook groups but if you search home education GCSE there are various facebook home ed groups that will have valuable info. Additionally there will be local home ed groups on fecebook which should give you links to social groups too. Good luck to you and your daughter.