Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thanks chimp

I just don’t understand what you’re trying to achieve; your daughter is in an environment in which she feels unsafe but you’re keeping her there because they’re waiving fees? What specific and enforceable guarantees have they given you that none of this behaviour will happen again and that she will be safe?
It’s very sad that she’s been there five years and has NO friends - is that really an ok environment to remain in when it’s not absolutely necessary? Who has her back when she’s boarding?

Dd is not staying at the school as I’m attending lessons everyday. Dd only boards on a Friday - that’s a choice she made.

This new arrangement means that dd will not be attending lessons - she will not be boarding- the head is meeting with all teachers to arrange everything dd needs and anything she wants including one to one tutorials.
The head wants dd back in school - we said NO- so he’s keeping her on roll and providing all the above and anything else we ask for.
Dd will probably not even see the bully.

Dd has been ostracised by the bully - dds friends have been picked off one by one - once dd is out of sight I’d imagine this will change as It does periodically when the bully is busy with whatever else she fills her time with.
Wether dd chooses to take up with anyone who’s been complicit in this will be up to her.

Sorry for the typos

Brilliant outcome. Well done, OP and DH.

Wow well done OP. I have to say I am absolutely appalled that the situation has been allowed to escalate to such an extreme degree. Imagine if your poor DD had been a full time boarder in this kind of atmosphere. I also think the other girl has been failed (or more accurately the poor people this other girl is going to come into contact with have been failed). I would be tempted to name and shame this school.

Once your DD has finished her GCSEs (best of luck to her I hope she does amazingly well) you might want to consider getting her some counselling to help her recover from what she has been through and come out stronger. The wounds from bullying can really fester if left unchecked.

We received a full run down from the head today in writing. He’s apologised profusely to our dd and acknowledged there has been a ‘sly campaign of harassment’ that unfortunately they have been unable to prove. The head said he is very upset about it and will be writing to the girls parents to tell them that they will not accept any further incidents with explanations of ‘ mistake- accident/ unintended etc etc
He has also referred himself and the school to the board of governors.

@Seniorschooldesperation

It does sound like he's finally taking it seriously but it should have happened earlier. It's unbelievable that she was still coming into your DD's house and actually elbowed you at parent's evening. It really illustrates how much she's been allowed to get away with and how confident she was in being able to continue.

Does anyone believe this will stop this girl.

What happens if she carries on?
What pearly would she face?

What about other girls who take up the campaign on her behalf?

senior I think something has happened behind the scenes, something else is going on. Referring his self to the governors is a big thing. He will put himself and the school under a lot of scrutiny so I wonder if their has been a complaint about him in some way and he is trying to be transparent.

Our girls go private but we are very lucky the school is small and doesn’t seem to be any bullying, the kids show a lot of kindness to each other - touch wood.

Good luck for the future

Him**

"Dh and I have done all we can."

I think you have done a LOT, @Seniorschooldesperation - and I am sure that you have done your best all along, to make the right decisions with the information you had at the time. And it sounds as if you have got a good outcome now, where your dd will get what she needs from the school - and the school will hopefully be taking a long, hard look at itself and how badly it has handled this.

Pull her out, involve police and don't pay any more fees.

It's easy to think this year is so important but I'd think her mental health is the important thing at this stage.

Didn't RTFT. Well done

@Seniorschooldesperation - sounds like a good outcome for DD in the end. Still a shitty situation but at least the head seems to be doing his job. Shame it wasn’t done sooner obviously.

Interesting that he has referred this up the the governors.

How is dd feeling today?

Dd is feeling validated today - listened too and believed.
I was bullied in school as was dh and many of you on this thread have experienced it or love someone who has/is.... we never received a written apology from the head telling us they believe us. It has gone some way to helping dd process.
The head is why we kept her in the school, I believe his staff have let him down.

He's also let himself down - he doesn't sound like a strong head and what has gone on is unforgivable.

My eldest went to Boarding School and their policy on bullying was very thorough and explicit. Things such as excluding others, belittling etc all on there.

There is no way any child would have got away with this kind of slyness and not been hauled up on it. Funnily enough it was almost as if the school recognised that this was the most horrid bullying behaviour of all and a characteristic of their pupils that was not welcome.

School was far from perfect (none are) but they certainly had the policies and procedures in place to deal with it and pupils did get sent home/excluded/expelled for poor behaviour.

Well done OP! For what it's worth I think you letting your DD take the decisions now about revision sessions etc is fundamental to helping her rebuild her confidence.

Give the Headmaster the evidence by sending him the stealing email.

This is so heartening! Please tell your daughter she has loads of people out her supporting her.

Also impressed that the head reported him self!