Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

[Seniorschooldesperation]

I’m currently desperate for advice.
Dd is 16 and has been at her current private school for 5 years. Throughout these 5 years dd has been the target of a group of bully girls in her year group. There was a very serious incident 3 years ago that resulted in the suspension of several girls and the expulsion of one.
The main antagonist has never been punished. This bully is very devious and clever and insatiable in her appetite for dd.
Recently the bully ( female also 16) has dramatically upped her behaviour. I believe the reasoning behind this is she’s leaving after GCSEs in June so she can do what she wants.
So this week this bully actually elbowed me in the back (yes a parent) and followed my husband and I around parents evening heckling us - apparently no one noticed this.
The bully has been asked to keep out of my dds house while an investigation takes place but consistently disobeys and shouts through the Window to other students and has entered twice in 2 days.
Currently such is this bully’s sphere of influence - no one talks to my dd anymore. Dad sits in her dorm at lunch and hides there alone at every opportunity (dd only boards on a Friday night but has a dorm). Dd is ridiculed and jeered at by said bully and all of dds ex friends who’re now the bullies friends. They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man.
The investigation concludes today. However the bully has been laughing uproariously at her friends who are being interviewed and she’s heavily involved in shaping the outcome. Which will be nothing.
Dd is currently calling me begging me to come and collect her.
What the hell do I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Not sure if this is in anyway helpful to you - when my dd was in year 11 at her comp a girl who'd been in a similar situation to your dd joined their year late on and sat exams with them. The school did loads to ensure she had studied the correct curriculum.

She ended up staying for sixth form and is still friendly with my dd now.

Hope the meeting goes well. This school sounds utterly disgusting and should be ashamed of themselves.

Ok - so the update is good for dd.

We don’t know what the bully’s sanctions’ are as her parents were to busy to come into school to meet the headmaster, so he has been unable to talk with them. He said he was writing to them.... they live 20 miles away

Re the theft accusation.

I would reply that obviously that is a serious accusation and as the police are going to be involved you will notify them of the theft and they can look into it.

Put the wind up the little shits. Let them experience some consequences.
Might bring a few to their senses.

That's great news, so what's the plan for her now? I hope you all relax for the half term and try to forget about it for a little bit at least.

Jesus. Go and get her right now.
She will sure as hell fail her exams if she stays there.

whatisheupto
Read the thread

The meeting started off with the head saying he was very busy and could only meet for 30 minutes and then proceeded to talk for a while- (good tactic to run out the clock). Dh advised him that although he was happy to listen to him, he was concerned about time.
The head talked about how ‘difficult’ our dd had been recently...,,
Dh guided him back to the subject at hand and told him he wasn’t prepared to discuss peripheral issues and that the issue was the harassment of our dd by his student and what was he going to do about it.
The meeting then became real and the headmaster changed his demeanour when it became apparent that a white wash wasn’t going to happen.

The head was very apologetic - he has apologised for failing dd and has put the school at her disposal. He has offered full support of all her teachers. Dd will stay in roll at the school and can choose to attend whatever lessons she chooses and will remain a full pupil.
There will be no fees.

Oh sorry! For some reason only the 1st page was showing..... glad to read the updates..good luck

Have the school agreed to all your requests re after school revision sessions and private room for exams? Hope you have a restful half term! X

Cross post! I’m assuming your DH has emailed the head outlining the agreements made in the meeting so you have everything in writing including his apology.

chimp yes! and yes!!

Thank you all for your posts and support over the last few days. You really helped me gain some perspective and focus on what I needed to do.

There will be no fees.

Ah.

The enormity of the situation and potential for harm to the school's reputation (and hence business) has eventually sunk in then...

What did he mean by your DD being "difficult"? Was he basically victim blaming?

Still think you should name and shame once she has left for 6th form.

Your DH rocks!

One if the reasons that I have been so distressed is that I have always respected the headmaster and trusted him. I’m appalled at how this has been allowed to continue and how poor the handling of it all has been- it goes against the whole ethos of the school and what it stands for.
I’m still naive enough to think the head gives a shit and is upset - he stated clearly he wants dd in school.

game dd told her housemistress to fuck off on Tuesday before I collected her. Dd did not tell me this little nugget.
She just couldn’t cope anymore.
Dh told the head while we don’t condone that behaviour our dd won’t be reprimanded by us although we’ll talk to her about it.

Good news for your DD but are you confident your DD will now be safe in school?. How will the school actually address the bullying and protect her? I don't mean how will they punish the bully but how will they keep them apart?

Well done Mr Desperation!

Did he offer any explanation of how they have got this so very wrong. It seems so odd that he suddenly cares, but it went on for so long under his watch.

The head seemed surprised by some details his teachers have left out..... details that made them look bad. He was on the back foot a little.

They know they have royally fucked up.
I doubt there will be sanctions for the bully and I am glad your DD is out of there.

I would suggest enrolling her in ju-jitsu or kickboxing: they are both brilliant for raising the heart rate and helped me recover my confidence after bullying.

Good idea abc
I was worried dd was going to lose her shit and punch the bully in the mouth tbh.
It’s really difficult to go high when some others are really in the gutter with their behaviour.

I’m so glad things are looking up for DD.

So angry on her behalf (and your entire family.

I’m glad she told them Eff off.