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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

87 replies

cissyknowsbest56 · 11/10/2018 10:32

Hi I’m just talking aloud but if anyone has any advice I’d be grateful.
My daughter has just joined a girls school that my older daughter goes to.
She’s a funny confident kind smiley shiny kid but she is unrecognisable now.
She has been put in a class with two girls from her primary school..one s well know antagonist and bully.
My daughter started yr 7 determined to make new friends (her best friends are at a local school) and to be her sociable self.
It’s sll gone horribly wrong. The first week it was ‘kick a ginger day’ and being a red head she got stick.
The antagonist from primary school has turned her new found friends against her and they laugh at her and say ‘she needs help’
She spends break times and lunch times on her own and her class don’t talk to her.
She is a shadow of her former self. She cried herself to sleep, her eyes are red raw. She’s so low.
School are saying that they won’t move her class.
I’m seriously worried she’s at the wrong school.
There is a place available at the secondary school where all of her primary school friends are and I’m very tempted to move her. She wants to go.
Advice please.

OP posts:

MarshaBradyo · 11/10/2018 10:34

I’d move her quickly before the spaces go, what are your reasons against it?

mumblechum0 · 11/10/2018 10:35

Take her out now.

SassitudeandSparkle · 11/10/2018 10:36

Move her.

Aventurine · 11/10/2018 10:36

I think you have to move her

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 11/10/2018 10:38

I changed my DDs school at the beginning of Year 8....it was honestly the best move I could have made. I'd move her

Daisy2315 · 11/10/2018 10:41

I would move her to the other school where her primary friends are.

jaguar67 · 11/10/2018 10:43

Have you exhausted all options with current school - gone to HOY, Head Teacher etc.?
Any reservations about other school?
If you've given current school a fair chance to sort this out & they're refusing, I'd say move her PDQ. And once place is confirmed, keep her at home until start date.
Wishing your DD better times ahead - it's great you have options

EK36 · 11/10/2018 10:44

Ask her teacher to move her to another class. Or just move her to another school. This happened to me too. My parents were worried that the same thing would happen if I changed schools and that I should tough it out. I wagged so many days off school, it affected my school work. When I finally got to change schools a year later, I was so happy. Best thing I ever did. I ended up leaving with brilliant grades. Your daughter should be happy and have friends. Talk to other schools see which have spaces, take her with you to look around and get a feel of which she prefers. All the best for your daughter.

Growingboys · 11/10/2018 10:44

Move her asap

HolesinTheSoles · 11/10/2018 10:59

I agree with PP. Your poor DD. What have the school actually done to support her? The atmosphere sounds toxic. Kick a ginger day?! Is there any reason not to move her to the other school? If so I'd probably do so very quickly. Bullying is devastating and can have a massive impact on self esteem long term. It's great though that your DD has told you what's going on.

Original poster

cissyknowsbest56 · 11/10/2018 11:05

Thank you all I’m sorry I don’t know how to reply to you individually I wasn’t expecting so many responses.
I’m worried that she’s missing out on a fantastic educational opportunity if she leaves as it’s a brilliant school but I can’t bare to watch her.
She’s calling me every lunch and break time rather than being on her own.
I’m worried people will say that we are weak to move her so soon and that she should persevere a little longer to give it a chance.
My heart says leave. Let her be happy with her best friends who are kind funny and love her x

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 11/10/2018 11:07

Move her. She isn’t getting a good educational experience at the moment - you can’t do when everything else is horrible.

Please move her as soon as you can

SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 11:12

Move her ASAP. I was your DD and it ruined my life. I still suffer from anxiety and have difficulty trusting people and making friends. Being in a better school is pointless if it destroys her mental health and self esteem.

MarshaBradyo · 11/10/2018 11:13

Friends who are kind and love her and her good mental health is worth it’s weight in gold. Much more than her current experience. Plus being so unhappy could impact negatively on her learning anyway.

lifechangesforever · 11/10/2018 11:15

Move her. Good mental health will always outweigh educational opportunity.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 11/10/2018 11:15

I agree with Sputnik.....if your DDs mental health goes downhill, it doesn't matter how good a school is

wwwwwwwwwwwwww · 11/10/2018 11:15

Is the secondary school one that typically has spaces or do you risk loosing the space if you don't act quickly?

I'd ask for a copy of the school bullying policy. I'd ask for an appointment to see the the head of Year this week. Have your daughter write down every thing thing that has happened so far. Be sure to record every contact you and your daughter have said to staff as well. I'd then push the school for a concrete plan as to how they are going to tackle the bullying. Be very clear you will keep escalating this and expect the policy to be followed. I'd be inclined to give it a month meticulously recording and pushing the school to act if you think the current school offers a substantially better academic education while live bombing your daughter and getting her to see friends outside school every weekend. If your daughter is sporty or musical it can really help to make friends through school teams/ orchestra.

If your daughter is still miserable after a month I'd move her.

BranstonTickle · 11/10/2018 11:16

Move her. She won't get much of an education at all if she's this upset, but if she's happy in herself and able to focus, she'll excel elsewhere. . to you both x

Tinty · 11/10/2018 11:22

Unless the other school is the worst school in the world ever, then I would move her. It is very difficult even in the best school in the world if you are unhappy and being bullied.

On the other side of this my DD started a school in yr 7 with no one she knew. She said she was on her own at break times, she had only made one friend in her tutor group and the friend hung around with others at lunch. I asked her how the other people in her tutor group treated her, she said they were nice but just different in their interests. So no bullying. She said she really missed her primary school friends. I said see how it goes up to Christmas. After a few more weeks she made friends in a different tutor group and eventually became better friends with people in her tutor group. She now loves her school. In these circumstances I would say stick it out for a while.

Maybe see if she can move tutor groups, if not then I would seriously consider moving her. But if she is having to put up with bullying and nastiness and loneliness that isn't fair.

malmontar · 11/10/2018 11:23

I'd move her too. There isn't much education happening when a child is this upset and ad anyway. You could give the worlds best tutor to an unhapy child and it will make a marginal difference. I would move her before her self esteem is so trampled she'll struggle elsewhere. She may not stick to her best friends at the new school either but it's always nice to have a friendly face.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 11:24

That school sounds shit (and horribly similar to mine growing up).

I join in the chorus of 'move her'.

malmontar · 11/10/2018 11:25

Its also very early on in the year, she will easily look like the child that was just waiting for a space.

cestlavielife · 11/10/2018 11:27

Move her

Dillydallyingthrough · 11/10/2018 11:29

Screw what anyone else thinks!

Please, please MOVE HER!

My DD went to a brilliant girls school in Y7, she became a shadow of herself, she found it 'cliquey', and would cry very night. Previously I never woke her up as she loved school, I was then dragging her out of bed.

I moved her in the first term, within two weeks she was back to her normal cheeky, confident self. She is Y10 now, and she still remembers what it was like and how much she hated it.

She will not have the self belief and confidence to succeed in her current school.

Your child's mental health is more important than anything else. Whilst you could approach the school, whilst you are doing that your daughter is being traumatised every day. Also remember with SM there is not a break from bullying. I know of a child that committed suicide at my daughter's original school last year because she was being bullied and the school were acting on it but was just to slow for this young girl.

I do really feel for you, I cried when my daughter would go to bed, as my heart broke for her

MycatsaPirate · 11/10/2018 11:31

Your poor daughter.

I would move her too. She has good friends at the other school.

And really, she will get the grades if she's good enough, regardless of which school she goes to. We have grammar schools in our area and it's very competitive to get in. Our local state school is just as good. One of their pupils got three A* at A level last year.

A happy child will learn more than a miserable child.

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