Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

[cissyknowsbest56]

Hi I’m just talking aloud but if anyone has any advice I’d be grateful.
My daughter has just joined a girls school that my older daughter goes to.
She’s a funny confident kind smiley shiny kid but she is unrecognisable now.
She has been put in a class with two girls from her primary school..one s well know antagonist and bully.
My daughter started yr 7 determined to make new friends (her best friends are at a local school) and to be her sociable self.
It’s sll gone horribly wrong. The first week it was ‘kick a ginger day’ and being a red head she got stick.
The antagonist from primary school has turned her new found friends against her and they laugh at her and say ‘she needs help’
She spends break times and lunch times on her own and her class don’t talk to her.
She is a shadow of her former self. She cried herself to sleep, her eyes are red raw. She’s so low.
School are saying that they won’t move her class.
I’m seriously worried she’s at the wrong school.
There is a place available at the secondary school where all of her primary school friends are and I’m very tempted to move her. She wants to go.
Advice please.

[CloudPop]

How totally heartbreaking for you. If a move is an option I'd seriously consider it. The school May have good educational attainment but it sounds like a low score on the pastoral side. kick a ginger week?! I don't think so

[Sparklyshoes16]

Please move her, it truly is the best thing you'll ever do for her...I was bullied throughout Primary and Secondary my parents kept saying it's the 'best school' in the area the bullying was relentless apparently it would "toughen me up"...I suffer from serious depression and anxiety, it's affected me throughout life and have a lot of difficulty in trusting people!

I wanted to go to the other ordinary Primary & secondary school that had a real mix of people...please put your daughters needs first and move her for her own mental health needs!

[Kokeshi123]

Regardless of whether you move her (and it sounds like that would be the best idea, unless she can move into a different class and the bullies are properly dealt with) you need to DEMAND that the school takes appropriate action with the bullies. Because even if she leaves, other kids do not deserve to be subjected to this kind of toxic behavior either. Have you raised with the school? Are they oblivious to what is going on? "Kick a ginger day"--seriously???

[OVienna]

I understand where the others are coming from saying move her. But it makes me really angry the bully might 'win' and their behaviour result in another child having to take such a drastic step. I would be escalating this so hard. What has your older daughter's experience been like? Are there members of the teaching staff you feel you know better than others who could help?

[malmontar]

I understand what you’re saying and to an extent I agree. I think you need to kick up a massive fuss but I would still move her personally. They don’t seem to have the pastoral care to even stop ‘kick the ginger day’ and as much as it’s the bully’s fault, the school is at fault also. A lot of the time these schools that do well don’t pay much mind to situations like these as there’s always another child waiting for a space. I don’t think you DD should bear the brunt of you trying to fix a clearly larger issue in this school.

[Notquiterichenough]

I would move her if she wants to. Not because of the bullies, but because of the school's attitude. My dcs' school would both down on this sort of behaviour very hard. I'm taking suspension level of consequence. If school are trying to brush this under the carpet, then she's best out of there.

[MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly]

100% move her - the new schools sounds terrible and I would be sending a letter to governors on my way out to outline how ineffective the leadership have been at dealing with bullying.

[Sethis]

I would run through every single option with the current school and AT THE SAME TIME begin the procedure to move schools. If there is no progress or change between now and the deadline for moving, then I'd get her out.

Speaking from experience, the quality of the school as a whole is irrelevant if you spend all day being bullied mercilessly.

[Sethis]

Also, I have to add that if the school cannot deal with a bullying problem at the start of Yr 7 (one of the most common times of difficulty for students) then they can't be that good of a school to begin with.

[Floottoot]

Who cares what any one else thinks? When is your daughter, not theirs, and you are her parent.
I'd move her, absolutely, and tell the school why you are doing so. My daughter had a rough year 7 in our local comp. We waited until the Easter term to look for another school, and didn't move her until the start of year 8. She wished she'd moved sooner - the damage was done and her self confidence was at rock bottom.

[Fridaydreamer]

Seriously.... Move her.

She’ll get no education at all if she’s scared and depressed at school. This can lead to serious MH issues.

It’s more important for kids to enjoy school (or at the least not hate it) and therefore be free to learn.

Move her fast.

[Fridaydreamer]

I also second the PP’s above who point out that a school not willing to nip these issues in the bud in year 7 does not strike me as a good school.

The measure of a school is how they react when things go wrong in my experience.

[Misseuropadiscodancer]

We went through the same last yr when my dd joined yr 7 in a new school. We went with the best school but away from her primary school friends. There was no bullying as far as we were aware but she was excluded from friendships and spent each breaktime and lunchtime alone, texting me about how much she hated it and how afraid she was.

Her mental well-being deteriorated quickly, almost like she disintegrated. It was a terrible time for all of us, but most of all her. She talked a lot about wanting to die and to disappear. We sought input from the GP/specialist counselling etc, but honestly none of it made much difference and quite frankly there was nowhere near enough of it. She ended up refusing to go to school, going from a happy child in yr 6 to a child I didn't recognise in yr 7.

We made the mistake of not moving her quickly and waited until just after Christmas. Things did improve once she was moved to the same school as her close primary friends, but it took time. I am happy to report that now she is in yr 8 and is back to her old happy self, but I will never forget what she went through.

In short OP, don't worry what anyone else thinks, move her as quickly as you can. The school we moved our DD to isn't as well rated but she is honestly achieving more because she is so much happier.
for both you and your DD... things will get better

[PotteryLady]

Move her - her mental health is more important.

[AJPTaylor]

I would move her in a heartbeat.

[Bunnybigears]

Move her, mental health is very important no child of mine would stay where they were unhappy for a second longer than necessary.

[Floottoot]

Fridaydreamer, you are spot on - the true worth of a school is how good it is when things go wrong, not when everything's fine.

[Chocolala]

Move her.

And kick up a stink about how shit the current school is being too.

[greencatbluecat]

She'll only succeed if she is happy at school.

Your poor DD.

[MrsApplepants]

Your poor DD and poor you, so stressful. Move her ASAP

[Urbanbeetler]

Moving her doesn’t just get her away from bullies, it also says to her that you believe her and you hold her state of mind and happiness close. She needs you to act because you are the very people who she must be able to trust.

[thatssobetty56]

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply to my post. I really wasn’t expecting so much help.
A morning break and lunch break call from DD in tears and panicking that she was on her own again today was the final straw.
We have tonight applied to move her to our local secondary school to be with her friends where she will be calmer and happier.
It’s going to be a rough few days but I feel happy (so does she!) with the decision.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart xxx

[moredoll]

Good, I hope it all goes well and that your daughter settles in quickly.

[friskybivalves]

I've only just caught up with your thread but I too feel you've done just the right thing.

I angsted over moving my DD from a very 'good' school which just didn't suit her - and also a bit of bullying. I was waiting for her to tell me she had had enough and am ashamed of how long it took me to realise that I had to make the decision - I was the parent. Before, she was happy in spite of school. Now she is happy because of school. Crucial difference. And her situation was no way as bad as your poor DDs.

Still can't get over the anti-ginger day. WTAF??