Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

[cissyknowsbest56]

Hi I’m just talking aloud but if anyone has any advice I’d be grateful.
My daughter has just joined a girls school that my older daughter goes to.
She’s a funny confident kind smiley shiny kid but she is unrecognisable now.
She has been put in a class with two girls from her primary school..one s well know antagonist and bully.
My daughter started yr 7 determined to make new friends (her best friends are at a local school) and to be her sociable self.
It’s sll gone horribly wrong. The first week it was ‘kick a ginger day’ and being a red head she got stick.
The antagonist from primary school has turned her new found friends against her and they laugh at her and say ‘she needs help’
She spends break times and lunch times on her own and her class don’t talk to her.
She is a shadow of her former self. She cried herself to sleep, her eyes are red raw. She’s so low.
School are saying that they won’t move her class.
I’m seriously worried she’s at the wrong school.
There is a place available at the secondary school where all of her primary school friends are and I’m very tempted to move her. She wants to go.
Advice please.

[oldowlgirl]

So pleased to hear your update Op - well done to your dd too.

[TansyViola]

Great news op

[Whyisitallsostressful]

Whoops, sorry! Posted before realising it was an older thread. So pleased that your dd is happy

[Whyisitallsostressful]

I would move her. I have a lovely mum friend who recounts a story of her secondary education which basically goes:
She was at a top all girls private school and failed her A-levels disastrously because it was such a high pressure, bitchy environment. The following year she took them again at a state 6th form college and got 4 A’s. I genuinely think that mental health and happiness is so much more important than the reputation of the school.
Good luck! X

[ShaggyRug]

Fantastic news. Really pleased for you all

[troppibambini]

I'm so pleased for you and your daughter

[thatssobetty56]

Hi all I just wanted to post an update.
We are now 5 months into her new school and we have our confident happy smiley girl back!
Best move we ever made. She is with her old freinds but had made lots of great new ones too. She just took part in a dance show having never done one before!
She’s just been accepted on the school trip to Germany,
Her life is much happier..so proud of her.
Thank you for all supporting me in helping her through a tough time.
If anyone else finds themselves in a similar position..you know in your heart what to do x
Thank you

[Thewookiemustgo]

Just read this thread and hope your DD is doing well now. My DS (Y7) confided in me last night that some boys have been taunting him over his red hair. He says it started as banter, but three boys in particular are now being nasty and calling him a “ginger” and saying “Gingers are ....” insert nasty adjective here. 🙄 He has made a nice group of friends since he started (he didn’t know anyone when he got there) who like him and don’t do it, but the boys doing the taunting are also in his class so are always around. He’s terrified of telling a teacher about it, in case it makes things worse, but I’ve persuaded him it's a good idea to tell his form tutor, if only for awareness in case anything else happens. This whole ‘ginger’ bullying thing is disgusting. Whilst obviously it can’t be classed as racism, it works along the same lines, taunting kids for the colour of their hair, referring to them as ‘gingers’ as if they are different from everyone else and that there is something wrong with them, and that the colour of their hair makes them some kind of second-class citizen. All because of the colour of their hair! My DS had made a great start at secondary school and was really happy. These kids are now making him question his choice of school, his self-worth and his chances of ever being able to fit in.

[feathermucker]

Any update OP? How's your daughter doing?

[montenuit]

Lovely news OP, well done. Now your dd knows you've got her back, she won't forget that.

And what a terrible school, i hope you made it crystal clear to them why you moved her. I'd be letting Ofsted know too.

[sollyfromsurrey]

If the school is being as poor at dealing with it as they sound then I would move her. If a school has no way of dealing with integration and bullying then they will be unlikely to deal with bigger emotional issues further up. The problem is that once someone carries the 'mantle' of being someone to target, it can be really hard to ever get them integrated. It is rarely anything to do with the child and just awful social dynamics. It needs to be addressed early or it may never work. It can self resolve but it can take a year or 2 and that is a mighty long time to be treated like a pariah.

[Trampire]

Just found this thread on Active threads. So pleased you updated.

I'm so pleased for you and your dd who sounds lovely. You made a great decision.

I sent my eldest dd to a school where she had no Primary friends. It was her choice as well as mine. She was confident and happy in Y6. I was expecting her to flounce in and flourish immediately in Y7. It didn't happen.
She found friendships hard to break into. It took her a while to make any connections. I was desperately worried and I was lucky that she wasn't being bullied so I can only imagine how you felt OP.

After a month or so I contacted the school. They were really helpful and reassuring. They spoke to her, got to know her. Her Y7 tutor urged her to join the Y7 drama club. That was the key to it. There she found interesting friends that spanned the tutor groups. From there, she regained her confidence and went forward.

She's now in Y9 and very happy. She's currently in the lead role in As You Like It in a few weeks!

I think a PP summed it up when they said the measure of a school is how they respond to problems. 'kick a Ginger day' ffs?????

My ds just started Y7. He too had no-one from Primary there. I braced myself for difficulties, but I was lucky this time. Only after few lonely lunchtimes and he seems very happy. Joined drama club (after my dd recommended) and football club (playing football for the first time ever!).

I wish your dd all the best OP. Being happy is one of the best foundations for doing well. She obviously has a very supportive family behind her so I'm sure she'll flourish

[feathermucker]

Move her. Her happiness and wellbeing is more important than academic achievements.

[Laidbackorlazy]

That’s great to read, delighted for her and you xxx

[SavoyCabbage]

Oh how lovely. I’m so pleased for her. She will hardly remember she’s been to the other one soon. It’s just a bump in the road.

I also removed my child from an ‘outstanding’ school. It certainly makes you question whether you are doing the right thing somehow.

[thatssobetty56]

Hi all I just wanted to update you and thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my post.
Finally today my daughter started at the new secondary school.
The whole process was quite long and drawn out. We had to get a statement from the head of where she was leaving, proof of our address, an old so,icitors letter, bank statement.
However today she started! She's back...my girl is back to smiling, laughing, sunny shiny girl is back!
She described it as 'coming home'.
It was most def the right decision and I'm so proud of her.
For anyone in our position..you know when they are fading away and are in despair. You know when it's time to take action. Her school was totally useless despite its outstanding ofsted..all bells and whistles. They could not have given a damn about her. It was only 7 weeks from when she started but we knew she needed to get out.
So I thank you all for your time, sharing your own experiences, and giving me the strength to push on.
I will always be grateful
X

[Knitwit101]

Sorry, i missed your update. You are doing the right thing. She must be so relieved.

[Knitwit101]

My heart says leave. Let her be happy with her best friends who are kind funny and love her

There's your answer. The school may be great but her mental health and well-being is the most important thing of all.

[wiggyworm]

Are u in Bucks by any chance ?

[Starlight345]

Glad you are moving her . Hope transition goes smoothly

[TooMuchToDo123]

@thatssobetty56 thanks for your lovely message and your good wishes.

Really hope your DD can transfer soon.

DS is undecided, but there are places at the other school so we are going to take it week by week and see how it goes. It's half term next week so he will have time to reflect then.

[babybrain77]

Definitely think moving is the right call - children (in my experience, particularly girls) can be so terribly cruel at that age. I also wouldn't make her go back to the old school in the interim.

[Jutz]

OP have you considered the rest of this week as sick leave for her?
They are torturing her.

[Jutz]

Get her out right away. Schools do form moves for this type of issue and the fact yours won’t means it doesn’t deal with bullying. The quality of the education she can receive will be totally negated by the personal damage inflicted by these nasty kids.