Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

[cissyknowsbest56]

Hi I’m just talking aloud but if anyone has any advice I’d be grateful.
My daughter has just joined a girls school that my older daughter goes to.
She’s a funny confident kind smiley shiny kid but she is unrecognisable now.
She has been put in a class with two girls from her primary school..one s well know antagonist and bully.
My daughter started yr 7 determined to make new friends (her best friends are at a local school) and to be her sociable self.
It’s sll gone horribly wrong. The first week it was ‘kick a ginger day’ and being a red head she got stick.
The antagonist from primary school has turned her new found friends against her and they laugh at her and say ‘she needs help’
She spends break times and lunch times on her own and her class don’t talk to her.
She is a shadow of her former self. She cried herself to sleep, her eyes are red raw. She’s so low.
School are saying that they won’t move her class.
I’m seriously worried she’s at the wrong school.
There is a place available at the secondary school where all of her primary school friends are and I’m very tempted to move her. She wants to go.
Advice please.

[sollyfromsurrey]

If the school is being as poor at dealing with it as they sound then I would move her. If a school has no way of dealing with integration and bullying then they will be unlikely to deal with bigger emotional issues further up. The problem is that once someone carries the 'mantle' of being someone to target, it can be really hard to ever get them integrated. It is rarely anything to do with the child and just awful social dynamics. It needs to be addressed early or it may never work. It can self resolve but it can take a year or 2 and that is a mighty long time to be treated like a pariah.

[montenuit]

Lovely news OP, well done. Now your dd knows you've got her back, she won't forget that.

And what a terrible school, i hope you made it crystal clear to them why you moved her. I'd be letting Ofsted know too.

[feathermucker]

Any update OP? How's your daughter doing?

[Thewookiemustgo]

Just read this thread and hope your DD is doing well now. My DS (Y7) confided in me last night that some boys have been taunting him over his red hair. He says it started as banter, but three boys in particular are now being nasty and calling him a “ginger” and saying “Gingers are ....” insert nasty adjective here. 🙄 He has made a nice group of friends since he started (he didn’t know anyone when he got there) who like him and don’t do it, but the boys doing the taunting are also in his class so are always around. He’s terrified of telling a teacher about it, in case it makes things worse, but I’ve persuaded him it's a good idea to tell his form tutor, if only for awareness in case anything else happens. This whole ‘ginger’ bullying thing is disgusting. Whilst obviously it can’t be classed as racism, it works along the same lines, taunting kids for the colour of their hair, referring to them as ‘gingers’ as if they are different from everyone else and that there is something wrong with them, and that the colour of their hair makes them some kind of second-class citizen. All because of the colour of their hair! My DS had made a great start at secondary school and was really happy. These kids are now making him question his choice of school, his self-worth and his chances of ever being able to fit in.

[thatssobetty56]

Hi all I just wanted to post an update.
We are now 5 months into her new school and we have our confident happy smiley girl back!
Best move we ever made. She is with her old freinds but had made lots of great new ones too. She just took part in a dance show having never done one before!
She’s just been accepted on the school trip to Germany,
Her life is much happier..so proud of her.
Thank you for all supporting me in helping her through a tough time.
If anyone else finds themselves in a similar position..you know in your heart what to do x
Thank you

[troppibambini]

I'm so pleased for you and your daughter

[ShaggyRug]

Fantastic news. Really pleased for you all

[Whyisitallsostressful]

I would move her. I have a lovely mum friend who recounts a story of her secondary education which basically goes:
She was at a top all girls private school and failed her A-levels disastrously because it was such a high pressure, bitchy environment. The following year she took them again at a state 6th form college and got 4 A’s. I genuinely think that mental health and happiness is so much more important than the reputation of the school.
Good luck! X

[Whyisitallsostressful]

Whoops, sorry! Posted before realising it was an older thread. So pleased that your dd is happy

[TansyViola]

Great news op

[oldowlgirl]

So pleased to hear your update Op - well done to your dd too.