DD given a Prefect role on a 'probationary' basis - singled out for not complying with school rules, which is news to us

[hmcAsWas]

Parents evening a few weeks ago. All favourable - dd works hard in class is meeting expected targets etc. No negative feedback.

Pupils were recently asked to apply if they wanted a prefect role. All those who applied were given prefect roles - with dd and one of her friends held back and spoken to separately. They were both told that they were on probation for half a term and their prefect roles would only be made substantive if they could prove themselves. Apparently they are not complying with school rules.

DD was aghast - apparently she rolls up her skirt too high. She has been told about this by her form teacher and she rolls it back down again when asked and has been complying without being asked recently. She and every other girl who has been selected as Prefects all do this - including the head girl, and dd is adamant she is no worse than anyone else. DD has complained to me previously that her Form teacher does not like her (or her friend) and is harder on her (and her friend) than on her peers and does not appear to be consistent or fair minded. She has given me a couple of recent examples.

It seems that dd now has this sword of Damocles over her and is sure her role wont be made substantive when the half term is up because she thinks her Form teacher will be looking to find fault

What to do?

Haha

You picture reminds me of my school. We had to kneel and the skirt had to measure 2 inches above the kneebone!

(Disclaimer: this was in the olden days at a girls grammar)

*your picture not you picture

Love the picture!

It's not just about representing the school in sports events and so forth. It's more a personality thing I suppose. I'm thinking of a child in my current class, whose parents think he should be the alpha kid in the class and who has competed in various events for the good of the school. Wouldn't give him a post of responsibility however, for a whole host of minor reasons that in and of themselves wouldn't warrant calling in parents.

I just think that if it is to be treated formally as probation then it should be handled formally with review meetings - surely that's a constructive learning experience too?*

The thing is, they're not obligated to give her the role at all. The probationary period is a favour to give her the benefit of doubt.

I am a teacher and can honestly say I have had lots of students decide I am 'singling them out' - it has never, ever been true. Not once. I have reacted professionally to the behaviour in front of me. I treat all the students the same.

The example you have, where your DD was particularly 'good' for one day and then got into trouble for seeing her form tutor and going back into the changing rooms (where she wasn't meant to be) is an almost perfect example of this. Both you (and you're an adult!) and your DD think this was the tutor singling her out. How on earth did you come to this conclusion when she was doing something she wasnt supposed to be doing?

I think the problem is that based on that picture her pants are in full view through the skirt. That will be putting them off her for a top role.

Good point TheColonel - it is rather obscene

Why do schools even need prefects? It's only legalised bullying anyway. The big kids push the little kids around and tell them what to do. DH and I argue over this, he says it's a leadership role, I disagree. My school didn't have them, just head girl and deputies in the sixth form. But our brother boys' school had prefects and god they were unpleasant. Give someone a little power and all that.

remoaniac
Last few comps ive worked in had them.

They would organise events with local primary schools, be a student panel for school reforms, run sports days, coordinate fundraising, mentor younger students, help out at after school clubs, be an extra pair of eyes on duty (really helpful!), lead some assemblies for younger years, help manage school productions/music events, 6th formers could go into class and support younger tudents as part of their enrichment. They also lead tours of the school for visitors and people who are on interview.

Works really well in my experience. They formally apply and are interviewed for the positions. It gives comp kids the same opportunities that many private schools have had available for years

Really, what your DD needs to focus on is why her Form teacher doesn't like her especially if as she claims, she is doing nothing different to the other girls.

what your DD needs to focus on is why her Form teacher doesn't like her
Who says she doesn't like her? Because she's pulled her up on behaviour? And anyway, what's to be gained by focusing on a victim mentality.

OP herself says so in her first post!

If I know someone doesn't like me, I like to try to understand why. It hasn't happened often, but when it has, it was because of first impression that had stuck. Making the effort to show more about the 'real' me resolved the issue.

No, the OP's dd has complained that the teacher does not like her - just like every other teenager on the planet does when things don't go their way. That doesn't make it true. The OP is going along with the idea.

complained that the teacher does not like her - just like every other teenager on the planet does when things don't go their way.
True. Multiple times a week I hear teenagers tell me that a certain member of staff doesnt like them/picks on them. No doubt some will tell other teachers i pick on them.
Much easier than accepting responsibility (and often the sense of 'i can do what i like because ill get my mam to call school' gets worse the more some parents continually want to talk to teachers/report teachers because 'my DC said...')

Are the kids at your daughter's school allowed to use their mobiles in school hours?

It's also perfectly true - there are some students I do not warm towards. Usually, these are the students who are habitually rude and disrespectful, or snide, or dishonest, or bullies. Not qualities I find attractive. Nevertheless, they have nothing to (reasonably) complain about in my treatment of them. When they do well they receive praise. When they don't they are corrected and, if necessary, punished. The fact that I don't particularly like them isn't relevant to that.

I know when someone doesn't like me - and it feels very obvious, it's not in the thing they do as such, it's the tone of their voice, the way they look at me - there's no warmth, no real smile...so why wouldn't a teen recognise when a teacher doesn't like them, they should have developed the ability to tell surely? Not that I'm suggesting this is the reason for the OP's dd's treatment...it's just that denying a teacher likes and dislikes pupils is unhelpful. My dd feels some teachers don't like her - I refuse to say otherwise...I don't feed her feelings, I do try to help her find ways to deal with the teacher - because they don't all seem capable of being completely professional at all times, chinks of their likes and dislikes seep out, maybe when they are not even aware.

lottachocca:

It isn't unprofessional of them that a student picks up on it as long as it is a) completely unintentional and b) doesn't go hand-in-glove with unfair treatment. You can't like everyone, as you say.

I agree Trifle

You are doing her a huge disservice if you step in with silly demands for weekly review meetings and undermine the school.
She's not a baby, so back off let her learn about accepting authority and consequences and help her develop skills for the adult world.
Incidentally I used to get 'I'm being picked on, it's not fair, I did nothing wrong' from my twins for several years. It's only now four years post school they reveal how much they were pushing boundaries. They sound like life was one big laugh at school - which must be great fun but infuriating low level disruption for the teachers.

The way I've dealt with similar issues in the past is by asking myself not just what is going on at the moment, but "what message is going to help dc most in the long run?" Of course they needed to feel I had their back when it mattered, and that serious issues, like bullying, would and could be tackled. But I wouldn't want either of mine to think that an attitude of looking over their shoulders and thinking about what others did or did not do was going to do them much good later in life. "no worse than anybody else" seems like pretty low standards.

I have of course told her to man up and concentrate on what she is doing and not bother about what everyone else is up to, but naturally it still smarts a bit when her peers have evaded sanctions for the same transgressions, and been given prefect (and Head Girl!) positions with no conditions attached.

Easter is coming up soon - and not before time. She can pull herself together - emotionally I mean (this has really upset her), find her resolve and go back after the break determined to show 'em!

Bit of background, it seems that the school are unhappy with the current crop of outgoing Y11 prefects - which the Y10 group will be replacing, hence the drive to raise 'standards' in the new incoming group. This is completely understandable, but perhaps not sensible to select a fall guy to make your point.

I do hope you don't use this language with your DD, OP. Do you seriously think her teachers face time to plot a conspiracy of this magnitude? A 'fall guy'? It's not the Flintstones (John Goodman version).

*have