DD given a Prefect role on a 'probationary' basis - singled out for not complying with school rules, which is news to us

[hmcAsWas]

Parents evening a few weeks ago. All favourable - dd works hard in class is meeting expected targets etc. No negative feedback.

Pupils were recently asked to apply if they wanted a prefect role. All those who applied were given prefect roles - with dd and one of her friends held back and spoken to separately. They were both told that they were on probation for half a term and their prefect roles would only be made substantive if they could prove themselves. Apparently they are not complying with school rules.

DD was aghast - apparently she rolls up her skirt too high. She has been told about this by her form teacher and she rolls it back down again when asked and has been complying without being asked recently. She and every other girl who has been selected as Prefects all do this - including the head girl, and dd is adamant she is no worse than anyone else. DD has complained to me previously that her Form teacher does not like her (or her friend) and is harder on her (and her friend) than on her peers and does not appear to be consistent or fair minded. She has given me a couple of recent examples.

It seems that dd now has this sword of Damocles over her and is sure her role wont be made substantive when the half term is up because she thinks her Form teacher will be looking to find fault

What to do?

How old is dd?

I think she needs to work this out for herself to be honest. It is an excellent opportunity for her to learn about how she comes over and how to manage difficult relationships.

I agree with the poster who suggests that dd asks for a chat with the form tutor to find out how she can move on.

Yes hmcAsWas really.
It could well be that your dd is being singled out by her form tutor.

Or it could be that she is pushing boundaries, being in areas where she is not supposed to be and doing things that she is not supposed to do.

until you find out all of the information you will never know.

Bensyster
Personally I think we should ban skirts altogether.

Schools have tried this and had to allow skirts back cos sexism etc.

I thought some schools had banned skirt because if sexism? If girls are allowed to wear skirts they have to let boys too, so it's easier not to have them as part of the uniform at all. Mind you then you just have to deal with unsuitably tight trousers instead

Our skirts are pleated now to stop the kids rolling them up. How is asking everyone to wear trousers sexist?

All the schools round here have pleated skirts and the girls still roll them up, they look dreadful!

does it work Benstyer? Girls are only allowed one style of pleated skirt at ds's school but they still roll them up. They look awful, all lumpy round the waist, but they seem to like them that way

Ah XP Maroon

Say dd is confused

come off it! DD isn't confused!

Funny how in all my decades in secondary schools I have met so many thousands of children being " singled out" but only such a tiny number of staff who single anyone out.........

Its obviously the same three teachers touring the country, singling out every single child they come across!

Do parents honestly believe teachers sit down with next year's register every August and select a few names at random to "single out" unfairly without reason, or do you think maybe teachers might be responding to the behaviour and attitude of an actual child in front of them?

The likelihood is that your daughter and her friend are consistently testing the boundaries at school. I went to an all girls school where some girls played by the rules and some were more maverick in their behaviour. Some were just blatantly nerdy and top of all their sets. Some were extremely bloody clever but were treading a fine edge between keeping their noses clean and getting into trouble. Then you had the little sods who were neither clever nor gave a shite and those kids were often in trouble.

I suspect the prefect roles are ideally suited to those who are seen to be positively representing the school. Your daughter and her friend are on that fine line thus they have been given time to prove themselves. I honestly would have no issue with that and it's a valuable lesson for your daughter. If you go marching in their demanding answers you are just going to 1) look silly 2) undermine the valuable life lesson.

*there

OP, your entire posts summarises the attitude and responses typical of the mother of a standard, naughty, manipulative teen who has you wrapped around her little finger, and you believing every word she says!

Schools are full of hundreds of such teens, and the email inboxes of the staff full of messages exactly mirroring the tone of your posts from their mothers

Actually yes dd is confused user.

Yesterday after the probation discussion dd resolved to be model pupil extraordinaire. Skirt length okay - check, quiet and studious in class, outside during break times (even though they are allowed in the library). In fact dd and her friend were the only girls from her Year group who stayed outside for the entirety of break time.

At the end of the day they went to their lockers to collects their belongings before going home. On leaving the changing room they see Form teacher approaching with her customary glare and in panic retreat back into the changing room. Form teacher follows them in and asks what they are doing and without waiting for a response tells them that this isn't a good start to their probation. Dd was speechless - no clue what she had done. But clearly it's not personal

OP. I know your daughter well! I'm not going to say any more.

Yesterday after the probation discussion dd resolved to be model pupil extraordinaire.

One afternoon of being a model pupil doesn't really prove anything.

They retreated in panic for the teacher's glare into somewhere they weren't supposed to be Really Op, listen to yourself. And teach your daughter to take responsibility for her actions

But then surely it doesn't get described as a poor start either Boney?

Are you dd's teacher user?

Are you dd's teacher user?

I doubt it. But every teacher reading this thread will "get" the situation you're describing.

Pity you don't, too.

hmcAsWas
But then surely it doesn't get described as a poor start either Boney?

I didn't say that it did.

but running away from the form tutor doesn't look good either.

and I honestly hope that your dd does become a prefect. It has been the making of so many pupils that I know.

I am willing to bet that the dd rolls her eyes as well as her skirt........

I think your daughter is playing you!
Why was she asked to go outside in the first place - my bet is she was messing around.
Running in to the changing rooms - somewhere she should not have been.

She sounds silly and immature - probably fuelled by you she is feeding you 'horror' stories. Tell her to be a prefect she needs to behave and grow up a bit.

But do you think that was a helpful, constructive remark from the teacher (I told dd she shouldn't have backed away - but she was intimidated and it was a gut reaction to avoid her)

Honestly hmc you are way overinvested in this. I seriously doubt that your dd's teachers have time for a weekly review meeting with her! And no teacher I've ever met actually 'dislikes' certain students. It's pretty standard to use probabtion periods for some prefects. She's probably slightly breaking a few rules but is generally a good kid. Maybe her form tutor is picking up on the minor rule breaking and others are not. This is really not a big deal and you are making it in to one meaning your dd feels that it is as well. She's a prefect. That's a good thing. Soon probation will be over.