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Secondary education

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Original poster

DD given a Prefect role on a 'probationary' basis - singled out for not complying with school rules, which is news to us

193 replies

hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 09:02

Parents evening a few weeks ago. All favourable - dd works hard in class is meeting expected targets etc. No negative feedback.

Pupils were recently asked to apply if they wanted a prefect role. All those who applied were given prefect roles - with dd and one of her friends held back and spoken to separately. They were both told that they were on probation for half a term and their prefect roles would only be made substantive if they could prove themselves. Apparently they are not complying with school rules.

DD was aghast - apparently she rolls up her skirt too high. She has been told about this by her form teacher and she rolls it back down again when asked and has been complying without being asked recently. She and every other girl who has been selected as Prefects all do this - including the head girl, and dd is adamant she is no worse than anyone else. DD has complained to me previously that her Form teacher does not like her (or her friend) and is harder on her (and her friend) than on her peers and does not appear to be consistent or fair minded. She has given me a couple of recent examples.

It seems that dd now has this sword of Damocles over her and is sure her role wont be made substantive when the half term is up because she thinks her Form teacher will be looking to find fault

What to do?

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MrsJayy · 25/03/2017 12:26

Is her form teacher her guidance /pupil support teacher ?

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 12:29

Good point MrsJayy - no Form teacher isn't. DD's vertical tutor is a different teacher who I think, rather likes dd. She ought to ask him to guide and support her during the probationary period......

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Bensyster · 25/03/2017 12:34

She ought to ask him to guide and support her during the probationary period I think that's an excellent idea.

If you speak to the form teacher - it's likely if she's being in any way unfair to your dd, she will be aware of it. Describing the way your dd is feeling and asking for solutions could work - calling out a relationship problem is often enough to solve it.

MrsJayy · 25/03/2017 12:35

Yes I think she or you should speak to the pupil support teacher your Dd is obviously struggiling and wants to fit in so maybe find out from a neutral teacher what is going on. Anxiety in teenagers sometimes make small problems catastrophic for them.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/03/2017 12:38

Honestly OP I think you might be the reason for this.

She was sent outside and went to the library. She was meant to do what she was asked. You're excusing it.

If she was a prefect they would be asked to do things. She would not be reliable if she just went somewhere else because of this.

You have it in your head that the form tutor has it in for her. This means that you will have agreed with her that she is the poor victim while the form tutor is picking on her. Even if you've not used those words, you have definitely given that impression. This creates a rift between home and school: far from actually supporting your daughter you are creating more tension and anxiety. She is now not sure whether or not to comply with the form tutor or to (much more attractive option) do her own thing, knowing mum has her back.

Your best bet would be to have a far more casual and relaxed approach to this, rather than helicoptering and meddling and making out that situations you only know of through the eyes of an irritated teen are unfair. Say instead: "well that sounds like a bummer. Why not ask your tutor if you can discuss it, say you are really keen for the job and can he let you know when your behaviour isn't reaching the correct standard and when it is. I'm confident that you can resolve this yourself. You could say 'hi sir, could I have a little meeting with you at some point today or tomorrow?' - teachers will respect someone trying to sort out the issue themselves. Let me know how you get on"

Give her a pointer and leave the ball in her court. When you say you might have a "non-confrontational" discussion - why? Give her the tools to do it herself.

Sansculottes · 25/03/2017 12:43

I am always surprised by people who refuse to see teachers don't like all pupils equally. Good teachers don't let it show.

From the fact that there are teachers in schools which are in special measures I think we all know that not every teacher is a good teacher.

There was a recent case of a teacher sanctioned for unprofessional behaviour - will link in a moment.

lljkk · 25/03/2017 12:44

I am thinking of going in and speaking to the Deputy Head (she is the pastoral lead) and - in a non confrontational and neutral way - asking her to walk me through what the issues are

That sounds very sensible.

and to ask that if dd is on probation in this role for half a term that she gets weekly review meetings (with another teacher present - not just the Form teacher) to give immediate feedback on whether she has transgressed that week.

Huge ask to do formal weekly meetings, so much just for your DD. Not reasonable, imho.

thatdearoctopus · 25/03/2017 12:46

I had a phone call from one of dd's subject tutors in Yr 12. She was basically unhappy with her attitude, as evidenced by eating during class and taking her shoes off under the desk.

I refrained from pointing out that another tutor (the Head of 6th form, as it happened) actively encouraged them to snack during class (going so far as to sending people out to the canteen with a tenner to get muffins on a regular basis) and to curl up and be comfy on sofas during seminars, as I fully recognised that this wouldn't help the situation. Dd had to learn that different teachers/future work bosses would have different expectations. I happened also to think that the teacher was a bit of a bitch who clearly didn't like dd (the first we'd come across in her whole school career).

Did I let that come across in the telephone call? Of course not. I apologised on dd's behalf and told her I would speak to her about it and that it would not happen again.

Dd huffed and puffed a bit, I told her to get over it. She sharpened up her act and by the end of the year she and the teacher were the best of friends and were raving about each other! She also got a bloody good grade when she took her A level in that subject the following year so all's well that ends well.

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 12:51

"Huge ask to do formal weekly meetings, so much just for your DD. Not reasonable, imho"

Quite a small school though lljkk with good teacher - student ratios....Not a big 900 students on the pupil roll sort of affair

I just think that if it is to be treated formally as probation then it should be handled formally with review meetings - surely that's a constructive learning experience too?

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Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 12:51

Food for though thatdearoctopus

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Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 12:51

'thought'

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lljkk · 25/03/2017 13:14

I would have thought If it's a state school the teachers & staff have the same workload with just regular teaching & admin as a school does with 400 or 2000 students in it.

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 13:15

Its an Independent school

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cansu · 25/03/2017 13:20

Soubds to me like your dd is rude to her form teacher. You can be rude in lots of ways. Eg answering back arguing rolling her eyes etc etc. She is now trying to get you to see her as a victim as she has been called on it by having the probation period.

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 13:38

If that is the case cansu why didn't dd's Form teacher raise this with us at our one to one parents evening chat three weeks ago? Odd, no?

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Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 13:41

My draft email to Deputy Head (not sent it yet):

Dear Mrs xxx,

DD has advised me that she is on probation as a Prefect. She is a bit apprehensive about this probation period, and wants to make sure that the role is made substantive and is keen to do whatever is necessary to secure this position at the end of the probationary period. She says she is a bit unsure about what she is doing wrong - there is the skirt issue (although she insists that her skirt length is the same as her peers) but other than that she is unclear. Would it be possible for us to meet up and have a chat about what the issues are so that dd can work on them? We didn't receive any negative feedback during the recent Parents evening so I was unable to enlighten her. DD is very keen to comply and so a walk through of any issues would prove very useful. Perhaps her Vertical tutor could use the weekly vertical tutor session to help guide her and to give regular feedback on how she is doing - I am sure she would be receptive to discussing this with Mr xxx as she has found him to be very supportive...

Many thanks

Kind regards

hmcAsWas

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Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 14:43

Thanks everyone who has contributed to the thread - I have tried to weigh up all posts including those who have offered a perspective different to mine.

If anyone would be prepared to critique the draft email I would be very grateful

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CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/03/2017 15:10

dont mention the peers' skirts. Ask if she can meet with the tutor to talk about it. Seriously overkill for you to come in, IMO.

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 15:15

Chat over the phone more proportionate?

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Anon1234567890 · 25/03/2017 15:22

How many times have parents heard the mantra, "Its not fair, everybody does it", or "I didn't do anything wrong, the teacher is just picking on me". At play time, libraries are for serious readers not a refuge for those who don't want to go out. Skirts should not be shortened. Anyone who is skulking in places they probably shouldn't be look suspicious. And parents should back the school up instead of making excuses for their child.

If she is unaware of why she is on probation why doesn't DD go and have a word with the teacher? She is old enough to sort this out herself.

now has this sword of Damocles over her, a tad over dramatic. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/03/2017 15:25

Or why not tell your daughter to discuss it with the teacher? Give her the tools. Im assuming she's 15+

MrsJayy · 25/03/2017 15:26

Dont mention the other girls skirts I know itis irritating but keep to your Dds behaviour and the probation.

bluejelly · 25/03/2017 15:44

Why does she want to be a prefect anyway? (I came from a school that didn't have them so always a bit baffled by the concept)

ImsorryTommy · 25/03/2017 15:51

Why are you getting involved?

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 25/03/2017 15:54

I think I have explained why I am making (low key) contact with the school on dd's behalf rather than leaving her to it unsupported. Once I have had the initial conversation I expect dd to be able to take it from there...

She's been offered Probationary Girls Games Captain - loves her sport, loves the Gamea teacher and that's why she wants to get involved

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