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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Sixth-form girl living alone

523 replies

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 10:13

Do you think that a private mixed sixth form should admit a new pupil who will be living alone in a small rented apartment during the week, returning home to her parents at the weekend?

OP posts:
CountryCaterpillar · 16/03/2017 12:32

Ah so one of your chiildrens grades dropped because of the nasty state school child?

gillybeanz · 16/03/2017 12:33

I think it depends on when it was tbh, and the young people involved.
Some would make a go of it, others wouldn't.
People used to get married and set up home at 16, so this age have the potential to be mature enough.
I'd trust my dd to manage, she might not be the most tidiest with laundry always done, but she wouldn't party.
If it was some years ago, I wouldn't blame the school as rules, policies and procedures were different in the past.
I'm sure now the compulsory age of school has increased to 18 and young people are now still considered as children until leaving school, then it wouldn't be as acceptable now, maybe pastoral care and welfare would be involved.

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:33

I do not think any blame should be laid at the girl's door: she was a minor who deserved not to be placed in a vulnerable situation by naive parents and school.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 16/03/2017 12:34

Come on, OP, fess up your interest in this.

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:34

Just to be clear - I live in France and our DC went to a French lycée so nothing to do with our family!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/03/2017 12:34

Why are you being so evasive? What is your link to her?

Littlelanecountrygirl · 16/03/2017 12:35

I left home the day after my 16th birthday (couldn't wait to leave)

Got an apprenticeship the next week and an evening job glass collecting in a pub to pay for my bedsit

CountryCaterpillar · 16/03/2017 12:35

I would have lived away from parents for 6th form if I could. No way to get state help unless my father signed something to say he was chucking me out and pride wouldn't let him do that. I wasn't able to support myself and study so I stayed in the family house until uni when I escaped. (Oxbridge, despite being a state school kid who would have benefitted from living out/private ed)

Neverknowing · 16/03/2017 12:36

I literally hate shit like this so much. If I wasn't allowed into my sixth form my life would have been much different, sorry this girl Fucked up op but that doesn't mean other girls in similar situations shouldn't be allowed to do the same.

Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 12:36

🍪have a biscuit OP, you will like it, Fortnum and Mason's best.

My kids, my responsibility. If I can't parent them well enough to know where they are, what parties I am not allowing them to attend in exam season, then my bad, NO ONE else to blame.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 12:36

You really are being very very evasive. It's irritating.

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:36

No link, someone told me the story last night (her DD was at school with the girl) and we had quite a long conversation about parental and school responsibility.

OP posts:
spiney · 16/03/2017 12:38

Lots of diligent, organised, sensible sixth formers would do fine in a live out situation.

But the others???!! Not surprised it went pear shaped.

Floggingmolly · 16/03/2017 12:39

She wasn't placed in any situation by the school, op, why do you keep repeating that? She was her parent's responsibility, school had no input into her domestic arrangements, any more than those of their other students.
Why on earth do you think otherwise?
And why assume the other students did badly in their exams because they were partying at her flat?
They're teenagers, they'd have found somewhere...

titchy · 16/03/2017 12:40

Well given that parents have parental responsibility and schools don't I think it's fairly obvious to anyone except OP where the limit of responsibility lies...

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:40

The school had the power to decide not to admit her. Of course the school shares responsibility for the pupils it admits.

OP posts:
BillyButtfuck · 16/03/2017 12:41

Nothing to do with our family
You're weirdly over invested then.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 16/03/2017 12:42

Being a good parent is about being "judgemental" in the sense that we need to use our judgement to decide what's a sensible way to treat our children and what's a stupid, shortsighted way that risks making their life needlessly difficult or complicated.

It doesn't matter that way back when people started families at 15 or 16. We stopped doing that because it objectively results in poorer life outcomes. As parents we have the life experience and education to realise that early parenthood and subpar exam results make life very hard indeed.

It's not rocket science. There is no excuse for putting a 16 year old up in their own flat and leaving the most important school years up to them. They need support and guidance, and you are screwing them over if you abrogate that responsibility.

I have the greatest sympathy for posters who had to live alone at 15 or 16, and care leavers now who are still doing so. People who have succeeded and thrived in those circumstances are very admirable. But you're the exception, not the rule, and just because you beat the odds doesn't make them less serious.

NerrSnerr · 16/03/2017 12:42

So basically you have no link, I'm not sure why you couldn't have said that at the start of the thread instead of obviously avoiding everyone who asked. If you don't know her you have no idea about her home situation and why she moved away. I cannot see how the school is responsible for where she lives and what happens in her home.

titchy · 16/03/2017 12:43

No it doesn't! Why should they DISCRIMINATE against her? What possible grounds could they have for acting quite possibly illegally?

Once she was a pupil they had a responsibility to educate her and act on loco parentis while she was at school, but what she got up to in her personal life was fuck all to do with the school unless they felt she was endangering herself or others in which case they should have called social services. But I assume what she did was in no way anywhere near at such a level.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 12:46

School shares no responsibility in this case. Especially not since what you're talking about happened at university.

Why on earth are you so weirdly over invested?

Violetcharlotte · 16/03/2017 12:46

OP I'm struggling to understand why you're so keen to shift the blame away from the parents and on to the school? Sure, if there were safeguarding issues, e.g. The school felt the girl was at risk or vulnerable to abuse because of her living situation, of course they should have flagged it. However it's not up to the school to say they won't take her if she's living alone. 16 year olds can move out of home with parents consent, so responsibly lies firmly with them.

Floggingmolly · 16/03/2017 12:46

Why would the school choose not to admit her?? You sound barking mad...

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:46

titchy - a private school does not have to admit anyone. There is no possible issue of discrimination on any known grounds.

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 16/03/2017 12:47

Bobo are you talking about England or France? From your posts over the years, it is very clear that the French have a completely different approach to parenting and education, and attitudes in both countries cannot be compared.

It happens:

  • ask any inner city sixth form teacher and they will give you examples. I had a colleague who had lived alone from the age of 16 and whilst continuing her education, though close to her family. It was apparently normal in her community.
  • there will be some attending something specialist, like drama school or perhaps as you suggest, a very academic day school.

That said, Westminster had clear rules that sixth formers should not be left home alone during term time. John Rae, a former Head, includes a sad story in his memoirs about a boy committing suicide whilst both parents were away, so I assume there was some experience. Similarly SPGS says:

4.11 Residence during term time The Pupil is required
during term time and at weekends to live with a
Parent, unless otherwise agreed in writing by the
High Mistress.

4.13 Absence of parents When both Parents will be
absent from the Pupil’s home overnight or for a 24
hour period or longer, the School must be told in
writing the name, address and telephone number for
24 hour contact with the adult who will have the care
of the Pupil

I have come across Paulinas who, back in the day, were sent from Scotland to live with some elderly aunt in order to attend the school. This does not happen now, but it will not be unusual for two working parents to struggle to juggle diaries.

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