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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Sixth-form girl living alone

523 replies

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 10:13

Do you think that a private mixed sixth form should admit a new pupil who will be living alone in a small rented apartment during the week, returning home to her parents at the weekend?

OP posts:
Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 12:49

So you have no idea why she was living alone? Were there screaming rows at home? Was she gay and kicked out? Was she on witness protection?

I agree that I would never want my kids to live apart from the family home at 16, but then I wouldn't want them to be teenage careers, join the forces, become parents or any of the other legal possibilities.

You look to her parents for responsibility for the other children's grades. Surely that could be viewed the other way? Why weren't all these lovely nuclear families taking this vulnerable child under their wing? Why were they allowing their kids to party? She seems a convenient scapegoat for their failures.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:50

VioletCharlotte - the person who told me the story thought that the school had been guileless about the vulnerability of the girl and the risks to the year group. I would be inclined to agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:51

NotwhatIexpected - none of the families were informed of the situation and the girl was asked, by the school, not to tell anyone! The school knew it wasn't OK.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 12:53

NeedMoreSleep - this is in England.

OP posts:
Violetcharlotte · 16/03/2017 12:53

Bono but that's different to saying the school should have refused to admit her. If the school was concerned she was at risk they should have spoken to the parents (in my opinion anyway!) in the same way they should act if any student is at risk, regardless of their living situation.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 16/03/2017 12:53

People are talking about desperate situations where young people have no other option but to try to live independently and continue with education.

This family was plainly not in that situation. If they could afford private school fees AND rent a one bedroom flat (in London?), they could afford to send her to boarding school for sixth form. They had options, and they choose a very stupid one. Most independent schools do have rules about home situations - if children are boarding while their parents are abroad, they MUST have guardians in the UK.

Witness protection? For heaven's sake. This was a very fortunate family who screwed up in a big way.

antimatter · 16/03/2017 12:54

the school shares responsibility for the pupils it admits.
not in a way yo uwant them to have

The school was under no obligation either to admit her or to create a situation where other DC were vulnerable because one of their classmates could host anyone anytime she like with no adult supervision. Schools have a duty of care.

I think you are assuming school should override parents will? So if parents want to take child out of the school then the school should have power to stop that happening?

Why would anyone give school that level of power?!

NerrSnerr · 16/03/2017 12:54

Why the fuck should families need to be informed that a 16 year old pupil lives alone? Would you expect your children's school to inform families of their living arrangements?

The other parents are responsible for their own children. If their children are pissing it up and doing shit in their exams that's their problem to deal with.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 12:54

The parents made a decision for their child.

The school were perfectly right to accept them and there were no grounds to refuse admission from what you've put here.

Why are the university not being blamed?

spiney · 16/03/2017 12:55

I think that any decent school would have a view if a pupil is performing below expectations. I think the school should have recognised this and communicated it to the parents if it was happening. Regardless of living arrangements.

But knowing this girl' s living situation surely every one concerned should have been extra responsive if cracks were showing. And I think schools do have a responsibility to be alert and notify parents re wellbeing etc But the responsibility lies with the parents.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 12:55

And the classmates parents should've known where their own kids were and what they were up to.

If they want to drink and party and shag they will do so - the girl and her flat is a convenient scapegoat. Every upper sixth year ever has done the party shag drink thing and ever will.

Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 12:56

I was being flippant, the OP has no idea of the circumstances, it is all gossip to justify why grades went down that year.

No blame aside from the kids themselves and the parents who didn't check where they were and how little they studied.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 12:59

My DDs year got the highest grades ever at a level in the history of the school.

2-3 nights a week I was staying at DP house and DD had a free house to party had she wished.

Therefore I think that it's all down to me how well her friends did and that they got great results.

Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 13:00

I just hate all the emphasis on "state school kid". I have heard it before, parents pretending they are concerned about the welfare of the child but it's a thin veneer of class anxiety. "Poor pip and pip can't be expected to do as well as they aught when the new girl takes up soooo much of the Teach's time "adapting", etc.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 16/03/2017 13:01

it is all gossip to justify why grades went down that year.

While I think the school shouldn't have accepted the situation, and the parents were incredibly foolish, I definitely agree with you there. This shouldn't have affected other pupils significantly and it sounds like excuse-making.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:01

No one but you has said anything of the sort on this thread, NotwhatIexpected.

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 13:03

Can someone please tell me why the families of other children in the year need to be informed of any other family's living arrangements?

I mean. I should have had all the parents at DDs school told that I had a boyfriend and stayed at his overnight by that logic and that is a massive invasion of my privacy, and undermining of me and my right to make decisions for my family.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:03

Grades can go down for many reasons and one quite major lapse of judgement about management of the year group may be indicative of a more general management failures.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 16/03/2017 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 13:05

That information was in response to a post asking why other parents hadn't rushed in to protect the vulnerable girl. Answer: they could not have known.

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 13:06

So, bobo, by your logic you have the right to know that I have a boyfriend? Do I need a black mark for that somewhere? Or am I already marked down for being a single parent? What about if I live permanently with DP is that a gold star?

Do please tell. I'm all ears. (And actually fucking raging that you consider my private life is any of any other parents damn business)

Notwhatiexpected · 16/03/2017 13:06

How could they not have known where their children were partying?

spiney · 16/03/2017 13:07

Girl was asked, by the school to not tell anybody

What? No one else needs to be informed but why the secrecy? That makes the school sound unreliable. Either they are accepting this person at 6th form or not.

TBH this girl 's living situation lowering the year group grades sounds like wishful scapegoating but the school sounds pretty lame anyway.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 13:07

Parents should have known where their kids were. If they didn't that's their fault. If their kids lied, well again, that's between parents and children. Not school.

halcyondays · 16/03/2017 13:07

Most sixth formers go out partying, whether any of them live alone or not. Up to their parents to keep an eye on how much studying their doing, not blame somebody else.