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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Boarding school - will I regret it?

294 replies

BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:11

dd1 wants to go to boarding school (will cost us around £3k per year max), of course is is competitive entry so she may not get in.

BUT if she does I send her what are the down sides that I haven't thought of. BTW she is very academically able and the school she will attend other wise has been bottom/near bottom of the league tables for years despite huge amount of investment after it failed.

OP posts:
miggy · 25/02/2007 16:01

There is such a huge bias on here against boarding. Just because some of you were unhappy at boarding school doesnt mean they are evil places. I went to an american run day school, was bullied and hated every minute of it, went to a boarding school for several years and loved it.
"Personally I had children in order that I could be there for them when they needed me."-come on, you could say the same about full time WOH mums sending tiny tots to nursery from 8-6 every day, or perhaps you do
DS2 (9) has been boarding 2 nights a week since he was 8-completely by choice-Im there picking his sister up anyway! If he boards he gets to see his mates and has people to play football etc with, plus he gets a cooked breakfast
DS1 (13) also did same from age of 10, went to new school to board 3 nights a week, didnt like it (not just boarding) and is now day pupil elsewhere.
Buffysmum-given the choice you have-go for it. If your daughter doesnt like it, you havent really lost anything, she can come home and swop to the other school.

expatinscotland · 25/02/2007 16:03

Um, no.

When I was secondary-school age, I wanted to dye my hair blue and live on a commune.

I'm glad my parents told me no.

satine · 25/02/2007 16:08

Just wanted to add my name to the "I went to boarding school and loved it" list.

However my brother, who is a bit quieter than me, didn't like it quite as much. He didn't hate it, and wasn't miserable, but just didn't love it like me. I think it was far harder on our parents than it was on us (dad was in Army, and I had been to 8 primary schools by the time I was 11).

So, if your dd wants to go, and you can afford it, give it a try. If she is miserable, take her out.

NuttyMuffins · 25/02/2007 16:10

I couldn't do it tbh, why have them in the first place if you send them off to boarding school for half of their childhood.

satine · 25/02/2007 16:16

Actually, I'd like to repeat what someone else has already said further down this thread - there are some comments here which I bet wouldn't be directed at WOTH mothers who use wraparound daycare for babies and toddlers!

Double standards or inverse snobbery?

Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 16:18

yes if she doesn't like it I would certainly take her out!

Miggy my dd sounds like your son - her after school activity list seems to control our lives I'm lucky to give her 3 evening meals per week she does something/sees friends virtutally every evening (or sees her Dad) I am the one campaigning her to give stuff up and spend time with us but she's just so sociable! Certainly her current teacher (who went to boarding school for 3 or 4 years) thinks she would thrive in it. She's not shy and retiring like her siblings!

None of her school friends will be going to the c**p school they have older siblings at better schools further away and we haven't a hope of getting her in - looked at that already!

OP posts:
oxocube · 25/02/2007 16:18

I couldn't let my kids board. I would miss them too much. Selfish, moi?

Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 16:23

Interesting to see what the opinions would be if it were me sending her off to live with her dad and go to after school club rather than boarding school .......wonder if the "why have a child" arguement would still apply..........

Does this mean you would but your child in an absoulutely crap school that may go through special measures again (within 4 years of the last time) rather a fab school with lots going on, great teaching, 12 max to a class but you only get to see them once per week for 2 weeks, then a long weekend, same again and then holidays of 22 weeks per year!

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Beetrootccio · 25/02/2007 16:25

why can't you move?

iris66 · 25/02/2007 16:26

tell me to bog off if you like but if she doesn't like it would she feel comfortable saying so? really? after all the effort you are putting in and the obvious love you have for her she may feel "obliged" to stay stum to please you (please don't underestimate a teenage girls' need to please and their desperate need of you as a sounding board either!!) there's more to life than formal education!!!!! if she's bright she could do college/6th form /OU. oh please keep her with you.......................

zippitippitoes · 25/02/2007 16:26

I really want to know what school it is

3k

12 in a class

not so much competition she will probably get a place

and socially mixed

expatinscotland · 25/02/2007 16:32

Hogwarts School of Wizardry?

Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 16:34

we live in the cheapest area within walking distance to dp (and my) work (he doesn't drive and tbh the public transport around here is a joke) we live in a very small 3 bed terrace, we have 4 children, I don't think down sizing to a 2 bed is a sensible option! Best school that would be near enough location wise is in Weybridge.......can't afford a studio flat there!

Zippi I cat you ages ago.

It is fiercely competitive to get a place 10 applicants per place - she may well not get in, she has the academic ability and we have the social need to make it worth us trying though.

I think she would tell us (more likely tell her Dad tbh) - I hope we'd pick it up and we do live close enough to do weekly (or more) visits if she wanted/needed us to.

OP posts:
Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 16:35

I think full fees are £17k

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 25/02/2007 16:39

living with a father and living at boarding school are completely different though.

I was at college with lots of people who went to boarding school and I would never in a squillion years send my child to one, even if she got on her knees and begged. I think it is an unnatural and potentially very damaging environment for children.

independence is a gradual process. if you don't see your children every day or even good forbid every week then how the flipdedoodle can you expect to know what's going on with them?

Beetrootccio · 25/02/2007 16:42

Both my oldest two sons boarded for 2 days a week for two years before we moved to where the school is.

Both sons say they would hate to board again. DS1 had a bed wetting problem and says that matron would come into his dorm and say 'it smells of wee in here has (insert ds name) wet the bed again - in a loud voice.

It is not a home from home, common room is thread bare, loos smell of those blue blocs. They are making decisions about your child that you may not agree with. NEVER would I do it again

Saturn74 · 25/02/2007 16:44

Each to their own, of course, but I genuinely can't see why anyone would want to send their children somewhere where adults look after them because they are paid to do so.
I'm sure the staff have the best interests of the pupils at heart, but they don't love them.
Children should grow up around people who love them, and boarding schools simply don't provide that. And that's the one issue I just can't justify.

motherinferior · 25/02/2007 16:44

Buffysmum, it does rather sound as if you've made your mind up and what you want is reassurance not genuine dissent.

I am a working parent, and use childcare four days a week. But I wouldn't want my children not living with me.

Beetrootccio · 25/02/2007 16:46

the things the kids get up to when matron is in her flat !!!!

snorkle · 25/02/2007 17:06

Message withdrawn

ernest · 25/02/2007 17:21

one thing tht concerns me, is if this school is set up as boarding for children in need, it sounds quite like a giant childens home/ alternative to foster homes. Your dd could be spending a whole heap of time with really troubled children. I guess the pastoral side of things should at least be pretty hot, but how does it compare academically? Is it really so much better than the local comp? Is there really no alternative? You keep saying you would have loved to board cos you had such a shit time/relationship with your parents. But this isn't about you boarding, it's about your dd. WOuld she say she had a shit relationship with her parents? Is her home life so bad she'd rather be away?

I always wanted to go to boarding school. I did have shit home life/relationship with mum. No idea how I would've got on, but I too loved Malory Towers/St clare's. These books plus HP makes boarding sound fantastic. I would take your dd's keeness with a pinch of salt tbh. Boarding sounds great to a kid. Really great. Bu I'd be inclined to listen to people who've done it, plus think long and hard about her future place/position in family.

jalopy · 25/02/2007 17:21

TBH, I would rather have my child at home, send her to a crap school and use the 3k on extra tuition.

themildmanneredjanitor · 25/02/2007 17:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 25/02/2007 17:25

Actually Xenia is dead against boarding school. It's the only thing I agree with her on.

themildmanneredjanitor · 25/02/2007 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.