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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Boarding school - will I regret it?

294 replies

BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:11

dd1 wants to go to boarding school (will cost us around £3k per year max), of course is is competitive entry so she may not get in.

BUT if she does I send her what are the down sides that I haven't thought of. BTW she is very academically able and the school she will attend other wise has been bottom/near bottom of the league tables for years despite huge amount of investment after it failed.

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Enid · 01/03/2007 12:14

I dont think I would send girls to boarding schools

too much opportunity for the Alpha female to boss everyone around

also drug taking

Greeves · 01/03/2007 12:14

Hmm, I only left in 1995 and I still know some of the staff. The prospectus has changed a lot, and they have a nice new glossy website, so it all looks much nicer and more humane, but once the doors are closed it's the same old hellhole.

Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 12:16

financially she would have to get a full scholarship oh and of course we have to pay for all the entrance fees - any offers to pay up??????? I'm not sure how much all the books, uniform etc cost either!

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chopchopbusybusy · 01/03/2007 12:18

Buffysmum - I think some of the posters who have responded possibly don't appreciate just how bad some state schools can be. I posted yesterday and asked for a hint if the state school is the one I'm thinking of - but I do understand if you don't want to be that specific on a public forum. I only asked because we used to live in the catchment area for this school and under no circumstances would my children have gone there. It's not really that the school is academically poor -and it is appallingly bad- but that in order to fit in with their peers and not be beaten senseless every break time the children have to conform to the awful behaviour. So - yes - bullying at any school is a possibility but no one wants to send their child to a school where bullying is inevitable.

Happily we've now moved to a relatively affluent area and we are lucky that the local schools all have reasonable good reputations.

Good luck

Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 12:18

Greeves which hell hole did you go to?

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Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 12:21

chopchop yes you are absolutely right about the school didn't pick up on it last night! It has improved in terms of facilities......apparantly!

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sunnysideup · 01/03/2007 12:23

buffysmum, I just have to say I think you are a GREAT mum for giving this issue so much thought and consideration.

harpsichordcarrier · 01/03/2007 12:24

well OK maybe I can offer a perspective that might be useful.
I was an academic/clever child who stuck out like a sore thumb at my primary school, and I certainly used to get a hard time for caring about work, listening to classical music and generally being a precocious little pain
I applied fo a scholarship to the local girls' high school (without my parent's knowledge I should add) and got in but they wouldn't let me go and do you know what? they were right. I would have been out of place there too, tbh. Socially, I wouldn't have had the least chance of keeping up. I would not have been happy just being with all girls. and frankly any academic benefit would have been hugely outweighed by not fitting in in any respect.
as it was, I managed to get 9 o levels, 4 a levels and an s level and went to Cambridge to study law from my extremely bog standard comp. I wasn't bullied as such, but I certainly had a pretty hard time there is certain respects from other pupils BUT I did have a good circle of friends and I was perfectly happy to ignore those people who thought I was a bit odd.

I was chippy enough ab out my working class background at college so I know if I had gone to a private secondary it wouldn't have been easy.

I think it would have been so much worse to be at boarding school. if things were
difficult at school, then at least I had lots of escape - some privacy at home, freedom to go off on my own, hang out in the library and form relationships with people who didn't go to my school through guides and the church and other incredibly spoddy pursuits that I can't name here I woudl have found the lack of means of escape of school very stultifying indeed. if you are not fitting in, being forced to live every day with it without chance of escape must be torture.
and I don't think people here think that NOT going to boarding school guarantees a good relationship with your parents. but surely, as in every other human relationship, being separated from the other person for the majority of the time can't improve matters
just my

Marina · 01/03/2007 12:25

The conservatoire sector is full of outstanding musicians who didn't go to specialist music school, or even any kind of independent school. There is plenty of choice available in the UK.
We know someone who is the head of a fairly well-known independent boarding school.
Their life-long vocation for teaching and nurturing secondary school children is heavily tainted IMO with distrust of young people and contempt for the parents that choose boarding. Some of the views this person expressed, and anecdotes related about life at weekends, have really shocked me.

fannyannie · 01/03/2007 12:26

also drug taking......oh so that doesn't happen with state secondary school pupils then??????

harpsichordcarrier · 01/03/2007 12:28

it is much easier to escape peer pressure (about drug taking, sex or whatever) from people you are at school with if you don't actually live with them 24 hours a day
I would have thought that was axiomatic

Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 12:30

The boarding school I am considering is unique - it's purpose is to provide an outstanding (ie private) education to parents who would otherwise not be able to afford it I think only 3% currently pay full fees a much higher % pay no fees everyone else pays something in between. She wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb she would be more in the majority.

Chopy - F has rapidly gone down hill it is was pants for my step-daughter and H lost its retrospective planning permission so there admissions are smaller than ever plus we are nowhere near the catchment area at all anymore the boundaries have completely changed in the last 18 months.

Perhaps I need to say think Shameless!

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fannyannie · 01/03/2007 12:33

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harpsichordcarrier · 01/03/2007 12:34

yes fannyannie I am sure you wre very lucky, extraordinarily lucky
there are many people on this thread with very different experiences

fannyannie · 01/03/2007 12:35

yes and what I'm trying to say is that it's been less than 10yrs since I left boarding school.......how many years is it since some of the others on here left??? Schools can and DO change for the better.

harpsichordcarrier · 01/03/2007 12:38

people who live at boarding school spend much more time with people from school (friends/enemies/teachers/whatever) than with their family and people that love them.
that hasn't changed

Enid · 01/03/2007 12:55

it doesnt sound like you have much choice buffysmum

shame though

chopchopbusybusy · 01/03/2007 12:56

Buffysmum - thanks for confirming what I thought. If it were me I would apply for the boarding school place. I think you have thought long and hard about this and I think you would have more regrets if you were to send her to the local school.

Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 12:58

Perhaps I will visit J and be suitable impressed and filled with confidence.......and the pigs flew past......

I did try the local infant school for dd1 (similar ilk of pupils & parents) it was a big mistake my youngers are all going eslewhere!

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zippitippitoes · 01/03/2007 12:58

boarding schools vary kids vary

I agree with time ds left last summer so I know lots who went to his school but his experience is from his school..and it is quite a unique place

marialuisa · 01/03/2007 13:00

FA-I must be the same sort of age as you and my experiences of boarding school were overwhelmingly negative. I know someone who was at the same school 10 years before me and had a similar experience; my cousin is currently a pupil at the school (boarding school sort of family) and it's a case of same old, same old. This is a very well-known co-ed school which talks the talk on the pastoral care front but....

Greeves · 01/03/2007 13:09

A hellhole in staffs Buffysmum, why?

Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 13:09

zippi where did your ds go then?

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Original poster
BuffysMum · 01/03/2007 13:12

Just making sure it's not the same one! I do feel so much morea armed to go and ask about what they do/don't do on the pastoral care front and ask about there selection process etc. I had assumed part of them going there for a weekend seperately to taking hte entrance tests was to help them make decisions as to who it would and wouldn't suit and in that I meant weed out those who wouldn't enjoy boarding. I think I will specifically ask them about this and also what do they do if they think I child is not happy and isn't gong to enjoy it - ie do they say something to the parents/encourage the child to stay etc.

Will be interesting to find out

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zippitippitoes · 01/03/2007 13:18

no he went to a quaker school shan't say more as there aren't that many of them