Yr7 new starters

[simpson]

Hi...

Just wondering if other parents/kids are worrying about starting secondary school. We have had tears (from DS) tonight and we still have another week to go!!

I am sure he will be fine but I am worrying (as is he).

Not going at all well here. DD hating every minute. All linked to having no friends. Feel desperately sad for her.

Ah so sorry for all the children having settling in problems, but it's inevitable really isn't it - it's bad enough if they are with a group of friends from primary because of the massive difference in the school buildings, the timetables, different teachers etc etc but if they're struggling to make friends, it's so much worse. BUT I hope you can all take heart that it's very early days (literally) and the friendship groups will settle down and re-group over time (especially the girls!) I think the boys are less likely to have "besties" as they are called these days and just have a group of friends. Yazz I'm sure your boy will find someone who wants to be his friend - he only needs 1 or 2 for now. And simpson so sorry for your boy too but I honestly think by half term (I know it seems an age away) they will have settled in and got used to secondary. Before you know it you will be stressing over GCSEs or is it back to 'O' levels now?

(hugs) simpson and fern

glad to hear the yr 7 head was on the case simpson.
Fern have you spoken to the school?
Geranium good to hear your staff are good.

I never imagined I would feel so bad for DD.

all

Yes, I've spoken to her form tutor but I'm not sure how much they can do? They can't force people to be friends with my DD. They had buddied her up with two girls, one of which is actually being a bit mean to her - running away when she asks to sit next to her in a lesson, moving away from her to sit with someone else in the library, refusing to be partners with her in PE... I just feel so sad at the thought of it all.

Bless him, DS was so upset he even came over for a hug (unheard of - not a huggy kid!)

The sad thing is (a) when he got upset other kids laughed at him (b) it was a mix up & his friends had saved him a seat in dining hall but he couldn't find them.

But I have spoken to head of yr7 on the phone & she has promised to keep an eye on him tomorrow & will email his tutor so say the same thing.

He is very bright/sporty so once they have been set/streamed & the clubs have started then he will find like minded people.

Thanks NanaNina hoping that is the case although atm half term is feeling a long way away!

I've literally been clock watching all day thinking about what he is doing or who he is with. Does anyone else have mixed year tutor groups??

Ah sorry some of your DC are struggling. DD got on ok. She met some girls at induction which she ended up finding again this morning which is good. Hopefully they will stay friends - she had so many friendship issues at primary that it would be nice to have a group of friends that are stable (teenage girls - yeah right!). Anyway she had a DT lesson which she said was boring - doesn't sound like they actually did anything though - and IT which ended up being a bit nothing as the log ins weren't working! But she walked home by herself ok. Fingers crossed the lessons improve tomorrow - she has maths and music first thing :)

Oh Fern that's tough. I would definitely speak about that mean buddy though - that's rubbish.
Simson - you're so right re finding like-minded people, these early days can feel brutal!
Dickory, no my DDs school doesn't - how is it working out?

DD has asked me to ask her form tutor to look out for her, so I will drop him an email tonight - and to say thanks for his help today - it had a big impact.

Oh that's great to hear Titsy yeah the whole teenage girl friendship fun to look forward to.
My DD didn't have great friends at primary school either, am hoping because there's more girls to pick from as it were, this will improve...

It seems ok although ds is only one of two boys from yr 7. The only ones seem to go through things with them which is good. Ds didn't have great friends and was bullied. He is quite sensitive boy but lovely maybe too lovely and nieve though for his own good

Day 2 at new school. DD burst into tears this evening saying it's too hard and she wants to go back to primary school. She thinks she'll never find her way around, she feels expected to stand on her own two feet from day 1 and is not confident in her ability to do that. I think she has actually enjoyed her lessons so far, and the girls so far are nice. I gave her a pep talk, it seemed to help a bit. I know (hope) it will improve and I'm not totally surprised we are where we are, she was very happy at primary school with a lovely set of friends who've all gone to different schools. It's hard though.

It's tough going. They just need to hand in there until they get to know their way round.

Dd was tearful tonight. Tired and overwhelmed, she said she wanted to stop out of school activities as she didn't think they were for her anymore.
She had a pep talk and went to bed a little happier.

It's a tricky time for all of them.

Oh Fern so sorry for your DD and the buddy girl sounds a horror. There are going to be some girls who aren't bitchy and I'm sure your girl will find soon find a friend or two. Are there no girls from her primary in this school?

My DGD (now in Yr 12) has always talked to me about the friendship groups in her school and she seems to like/not like a particular girl and I was curious and she explained "it depends who she's with (the other girl) if she's with the popular group, she can be mean to me but when not with them she's fine" adding "she doesn't really fit with the popular group - she's just a hanger on really but she can't see that" ....I'm posting all this just to try to demonstrate that it can be quite complex this friends business.

Are these comps you are all talking about huge, with around 1,500 pupils?

Are there pastoral care teachers? If so could you talk to them, but at the risk of repeating myself it's very early days and they probably know that things will settle in the coming weeks.

Fern I would definitely speak to the tutor about the mean buddy. Keep the lines of communication open - they can't force people to become friends, but they should have strategies in place for people that aren't settling. They need to know that what they've suggested so far isn't working.

Do they have a Head of Year 7 or someone that's in charge of transition? They should also be able to help.

And maybe ask them to help her identify some clubs/activities that she would enjoy - a good place to find people that are on your wavelength.

Can I join in?

My dd started Y7 on Monday. I know it's very early days but I still feel very anxious.

We chose a school where hardly any of her primary cohort went. There are literally 3 pupils she vaguely knew from primary. She was excited to go but has been feeling very anxious/low since she started. I think the problem is that she was very confident at her Primary school and also (sorry to sound boastful) but often in the top 2 or 3 in her class for academic results. She's (obviously) started a school knowing hardly anyone and she said she was a bit surprised to find how clever most other pupils were (had to stifle a little knowing chuckle to myself!). It's little fish in big pond syndrome I think.

She's only on day 4! But she walked in again with droopy shoulders. I think she's being hard on herself a bit.

She's joining Netball club today and looking into joining Drama club.

Who else has been through this and how long until things feel 'smoother'? I'm walking around with a small rock in my stomach.

Ah bless her lumberjack. Dd also mentioned to me last night that being one of the younger kids in the school was making her nervous. I think it will take a good few weeks to settle in. Dd went off today a little less excited. I hope the lessons today are a bit more inspiring since she found yesterday a bit dull. She has maths, music, geography, reading (?!) and SRW (social and religious something I think!). Tomorrow is making her very anxious as she has a swimming test and she hates swimming. The first 3 games lessons are testing in some form which has annoyed me.

Also a bit nervous this morning as she is supposed to text me when she gets to the gate to let me know she arrived all day and she clearly forgot. The school let you know if they aren't there by 9.30 so it should be fine but still made me a bit anxious. She's 12 in 2 days so I need to let go a bit really!

Sorry to hear that some DCs are having teething troubles. Fern, I do think girls are much worse for this sort of thing (eg not wanting to sit next to someone or not wanting to pair up) but I am sure she will find someone like her. Simpson, they just want to blend in and become anonymous but I am sure once the others see your boy being sporty, they won't be so quick to make fun of him.

Anyone else already hate loathe and detest sticky back plastic? Why do teachers insist on giving homework that consists of sticking pictures of France/English quotes/ RS symbols etc onto an exercise book and then getting the parent to wrestle with sticky back plastic and blunt scissors while trying to cook dinner?!

A little rock in stomach - that is such an apt description of how we feel as mothers...........My kids are grown and I have grandchildren but I still remember first days (and weeks) and I have a feeling that the "rock" never goes away, it might shrink a bit, or get softer but at the first sign of trouble for our kids, it's back - it's called caring I think! Sometimes I feel envious of my friends who don't have kids or don't worry over them like I do.

Oh and "letting go" Titsywoo tis so hard I know. but yes it has to happen. I remember my neighbour used to meet her (very over protected son) from secondary school and it's just not done is it......things were so much simpler when my kids were young because kids walked about freely on their own in the 70s and 80s and not the case now I know. I suppose one good thing is that there are lots of kids pouring out of the school and walking in the same direction or catching the same bus.

It's hard for kids adjusting from primary to secondary and it does take time but it will be ok in the end. I think the task for parents is to utilise some acting skills and don't let on you're feeling anxious about this change as that will only make the kids more anxious. (I know you already know that!) It's the "wheel of life" isn't it - just seen a thread about a mother sobbing after leaving a crying child in reception and later this month there will be threads about teenagers leaving home and going to Uni (not that IS a biggie) and so it goes on................sorry forgive me rambling.

Well for the most part DS1 seems to be loving it apart from a bit of a wobble yesterday morning. He went to the feeder Junior School so there were 60 children from his school went up to High School but he is practically on his own and not with any of his friends which I thought he'd be upset about but has been ok. They teach maths/english in mixed ability sets and DS is a bit of a maths geek so came home most put out that they had been doing really basic stuff.

DS had a much better day today & even enjoyed his lessons (maths, English and geography). He managed to meet up with his friends fine at lunch time. He doesn't like the people in his form very much though but has made one friend in it.

That's better Simpson - good.

My dd had a better day too. Just welled up this morning - no tears and sounds like she took the day in her stride. I had emailed her form tutor yesterday as she'd been upset and he'd taken her out and chatted with her which had a big impact, so I wanted to let him know that. Anyhow got a really lovely email back around 8.30pm saying dd could talk to him any time, he really seems to have her sussed and was v positive about her thriving at the school. I let dd read it this morning and she beamed .

Hang in there everyone!

After lots of worrying during the school hols about nor knowing anyone, this week seems to be going well and she is making friends.

That's lovely, colouring. My DD said to me in a whisper 'mum, I might even be a bit popular!' She's a friendly soul.