Yr7 new starters

[simpson]

Hi...

Just wondering if other parents/kids are worrying about starting secondary school. We have had tears (from DS) tonight and we still have another week to go!!

I am sure he will be fine but I am worrying (as is he).

[Titsywoo]

Thanks everyone. I've emailed her form tutor to say how unhappy she is and to ask for his help. She spent break alone today :( It was all going so well too...

[simpson]

So for her.

Can she go to the library?

Hopefully form tutor will come to the rescue!

[TeenAndTween]

DD's just had a strop about English homework.

We finally got to the bottom of it (and why there was so much). It turns out she missed an English lesson for a 'social communication skills' intervention (which we had agreed to but didn't know what lessons would be missed for it). So not only did she have to do the homework, but also the written work they had done in class.

Even that wouldn't be too bad, apart from the fact that she has poor motor skills and finds writing difficult and tiring and achy. So in her eyes she has a mountain of work to do. And the teacher said it had to be neat.

Trying to work out whether to contact the SENCO to discuss the pros and cons of missing a core subject for the intervention. Probably the most important subject for her to not miss, as maths I can catch her up with at home if needed. On the other hand, the intervention is only half a term, so on a fortnightly timetable it will only be 3 English lessons she actually misses. (But also 3 History which she rather enjoys).

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Teen I'd contact the school, I would think that English is an important lesson not to miss, particularly 3 times.

Does the school have any guidelines on how long homework should take? Boy's school has a published handbook that says year 7s should have approx 40 minutes English homework per week.

Maybe put a time limit on it, after 40 minutes stop, and write a note to teacher explaining the circumstances in her book.

[simpson]

Will 2nd what endo said.

DS has been a bit up and down still.

Got the much coveted (by DS, not me!) postcard home for his history homework

Then he came home v upset for getting a detention for a very petty thing (was unfairly given imo) and the teacher in question didn't believe that he couldn't do it at the end of the day (football match) until DS went and got PE teacher to talk to the teacher who gave him a detention which he found v stressful.

Personally I think that this is the worst part of the school year: a very long half term (nearly 8 weeks) & the dark mornings/evenings.

[mrsglowglow]

We just had our first parent evening for dd in yr 7. Can I just ask is it normal in high school that you don't get to speak to the form tutor at these evenings? It's set up so that parents stay at a table and then the various teachers come to you. We saw a lot of teachers but the one I would have liked to chat with to see how she's settling in didn't come to us. Maybe I should take it that she didn't have any concerns.

[simpson]

You could always email her?

We had a meet the staff meeting a few weeks ago and the only staff member I did speak to was the form tutor

Personally I would take it as a good thing that your DD is settling in well

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

I've just seen form tutor for a quick chat, all seems fine.
Anyway, he's getting on OK still, only gripe from me (and him) atm is extra-curricular music lessons, which are a bit crap for various reasons, unfortunately had to pay for the whole term up front.

[simpson]

Sounds great endo

DS was stressed again as he has football training on a Wednesday (nothing to do with school) and in the Tuesday this week he got 3 pieces of homework to be in the next day, now his training means he is out of the house from 5.30-8.30 for various reasons out of my control ( has to watch the younger kids train first).

One of the homeworks was to research something and write a page and a half (A4) on it by the next day. If he didn't have training it would be ok but not ideal. So of course he couldn't go to training and I rang the school and complained as according to DS pretty much the whole class had said they couldn't do it for the next day and teacher said tough.

Anyway long and short of it was although DS had done the homework (because he missed training) the teacher apologised and said next time she will listen & a letter from me will buy him an extension so all round after that!

[simpson]

Sorry meant wednesday of this week

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Teacher sounds a) inexperienced or b) a bit inflexible - Year 7s are often very busy with extra-curricular stuff and consequently I always used to give them more than one night to do a piece of homework.

Sad your son had to miss his training though when others didn't bother.

Four weeks left here. Had a bit more homework to do this weekend, including the dreaded "make a model of a castle". Boy is doing his in Minecraft, on the basis that nobody said it had to be a real model.

[Titsywoo]

So DD is doing a bit better and seems to have found some friends again - hopefully these ones will stick! I'm struggling to get her to put in the effort when it comes to homework but after a lot of nagging she is getting there. She is having KAP exams this week and next (they have them every term to check their attainment which seems a bit OTT - is this normal in secondaries now?). She is not keen on the revision and it is a constant bore getting her to do anything. The English exam is a question from a GCSE paper about children in Victorian England and using Jane Eyre and Oliver Twist to prove how depressing their existance was. There seems to be a fair bit of setting GCSE questions which feels a bit like setting them up to fail!

The form tutor replied when I emailed him to say she was having friendship issues but not much happened - luckily it sorted itself out. However she told me yesterday that the boy who sits next to her in form room calls her a cunt and a retard which shocked me and I'm not sure whether to tell the form tutor or not. The boy has just been diagnosed with diabetes and seems to be struggling but he is so horrible to her. She isn't upset by it but the language he is using is so offensive that I think he should be pulled up on it?

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

The language is fairly grim, boy is much swearier since starting high school. He shouldn't be aiming that language "at" someone though, if you see what I mean - so yes I'd have a word.

Boy said to me this evening "I have eleven friends!" - this is great, as he didn't really have any at primary school (small class, they all got on well enough, but nobody he really clicked with).

Yes the constant assessment is happening here too, it's more to do with assessing the teachers than helping the students, sadly.

[groovejet]

Have had dd1 in floods of tears this evening, she is being excluded by her tutor group and finally has become to much for her and broke down.

She has always been fairly quiet, not popular but never had a problem getting on with others and has a small but close friendship group so I thought that although she had no good friends in her tutor group she was doing ok.

She says most morning nobody says hello to her, no-one wants to do group work with her and in drama she tried to join a group for group work but was told to go away and was by herself until the teacher intervened.

I just don't know what to do, I can't make people like her and she has made new friends from other tutor groups from other lessons so it can't all be down to her personality. I feel awful that I didn't speak up when they assigned tutor groups as I knew that she was with no-one she really knew but thought that they just mixed up everyone turns out most people were assigned tutor groups with best friends with just a handful of exceptions maybe if I spoke out then things would be different.

She is fine at break times and when it is mixed lessons it is the classes in which it just her tutor group and registration that she is finding hard, she says she can't face another 5 years of school being like this.

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Groovejet it's not your fault, and it's not hers. Some groups just don't work out, and being assigned with a friend is no guarantee, the number of primary school "best friends" who are not talking to each other by the end of year seven.....
Speak to / email form tutor or year head. They will be able to help.

[groovejet]

Will see if I can speak to year head tomorrow and see what they suggest. Not sure what the schools solution will be as they can't force her tutor group to talk to her and even if they did dd would be mortified.

I don't think she is even too bothered about being with her best friends, she just wants to be with a tutor group where they will say hello back and she can do group work with, she feels embarrassed that she had to have teacher step in to make a group allow her to join and is dreading Friday when it is drama again.

[groovejet]

Thanks for your reply this bit of school is so hard, feel gutted that she is so unhappy.

[OpalTree]

Maybe the school will suggest moving to a different tutor group as an option? If she's made friends in other classes maybe she could move to be with some of them?

[steppemum]

hello again, this thread dropped off my list and I've only just found it again.

My neice's year 7 tutor told my SIL that there is a lot of friendship stuff in year 7 and they try to keep a tight grip on it as that is the only way to set the tone for the rest of school. So do keep talking to the school if you are having problems.

groove, I would have thought moving tutor groups would be a good plan, maybe after Christmas so she starts a new timetable with new group?

[OpalTree]

If she did move she could just say to anyone who asked that she was moving to be with friends, rather than saying it was because of problems in the old class.

[steppemum]

groove - hang on in there with her. Dd has had quite an easy start, but it is only in the last couple of weeks that I have finally started hearing her talk about one or two girls as her friends. It took her a long time to find them.

I know that for ds and my neices this time of year was a real low point. November, tired, dark, dark when you get home, wet, cold, tired, tired tired. We couldn't wait to get to Christmas. It was all much much better when they went back in Jan.
Don't underestomate the shear emotional tiredness of everything being different and new and having to adjust, it isn't just the first couple of weeks, it is all term really.

[groovejet]

Thanks for the replies.

I would love if the school offered a change in tutor groups, if she wasn't clearly capable of making friends in other tutor groups I don't think it would be something I would consider. I did ask her how she would feel if the school offered that choice, she said she would rather have a few weeks of being quizzed about it than being ignored for the rest of school.

Steppe she probably is emotional, tired and hormonal all of which will make this situation feel 10 times worse for her I am sure. I have stressed to her that things do change friendship wise and that it may not always be like this, I didn't want her to have her hopes up on being moved, as it may not even be an option.

I am a bit disappointed that the school were quick to contact me to say that she needed to do some extra work in her English but seem oblivious to the fact that she is by herself when it comes to group work, her English teacher also being her tutor.

Will see if head of year or head of pastoral care for her year can speak to me today.

[BabyGanoush]

At least after y7 they spend a lot less time in their tutor group, at most schools.

At DS2 school he spends all his lessons in his tutor, apart from maths which has sets.

Then in y8, a lot more setting takes place.

[steppemum]

baby - yes that is true in ds and dd's school. They keep them in tutor groups so they aren't constantly chopping and changing, gives them a chance to make friends.
Great unless you are in the position of groove's dd though

[groovejet]

Well spoke to head of year, who, to be fair, seemed upset that dd was having to cope with this. She immediately asked what tutor groups would dd feel happier in, I said I knew of two where she knew people from primary and also included new friends that she had made.

So she is going to have a chat with dd and look at class sizes, so no guarantee of a move but hopefully the fact that there is a choice of two groups so it's not just a case off dd wanting to be with a best mate will be promising. Will just have to wait until they get back to me.

Feel happier knowing they took my concerns seriously, I was worried they were just going to fob me off and blame dd for being quiet but HoY did acknowledge that although she was quiet she is normally happy cheerful and hardworking and shouldn't be feeling this way.