Yr7 new starters

[simpson]

Hi...

Just wondering if other parents/kids are worrying about starting secondary school. We have had tears (from DS) tonight and we still have another week to go!!

I am sure he will be fine but I am worrying (as is he).

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

Following this page as ds is up and down at the moment and I don't know what to do. He has Sen so friendships have always been an issue especially as he is quite sensitive too and finds it difficult to read situations. He did have a group of friends girls but one has said they don't like him anymore and has kind of pushed him from the group. He seems to be friends with one person and then not the next. He doesn't have many friends outside of the school either so it's tough :-( he is quite socialable so it makes it worse for him. The one friend he really clicked with is moving schools :-(

[simpson]

Ahhh DS has lost a library book!

He left it in English today, which he has tomorrow last lesson, so unlikely to be still there.

Have had the chat about going first thing to look, checking with the library to see if it's been handed in.

If neither of these options prove fruitful then finding which is more £££: new book or pay the fine for losing it

[groovejet]

With regards to homework I do still offer support to dd.

Not so much helping on content but I do help test her on her revision, not that I have much of a clue if she is correct sometimes, especially in her German! Also will have a read over her work if she asks as she sometimes needs a reminder to proof read her work so will suggest that she needs to look again at her sentance starters and spellings.

Maths she sometimes gets stuck so we get her to do some similar stuff on bitesize as that usually explains a bit more so she knows what she has to do, and to be honest my days of algebra are a distant memory so bitesize was far more useful to her than me.

School is pretty strict about docking house points for forgetting homework, so she is pretty vigilant about remembering what has to be done just sometimes wants to rush through it, hence the reminder to proofread.

[groovejet]

Have spoken to the school again, who do not want to move her at this point. They have spoken to her tutor and her drama teacher, the drama lessons is where a lot of the excluding takes place. Not overly happy but have agreed to give it a couple of weeks to see how things go, dd did say drama was better on Friday.

DD does seem happier since she spoke to us, very happy today as she got a very good mid term school report and included some lovely comments from her Geography & German teacher which seems to have given her a boost for her self confidence which is nice.

[steppemum]

just following on from simpsons comment, it actually really helped when the maths teacher in year 8 said you should be doing x amount of revision, and this is what you should do. He found it easier to say - she said half an hour each night and I've done half an hour.

[Titsywoo]

Thanks steppemum that's really helpful. I'll definitely make sure she does something every night from now on. I just so bored of nagging .

[steppemum]

groove that sounds positive. Tutor sounds a bit rubbish, but HofY will hopefully sort it.

homework and revision. So my experience - in year 7 they need you to help them structure it, so reminding that now is homework time (we had a set time each day, and phone was in kitchen while HW was done. Without that I don't think the pattern would have been established. I never intereferred with content, in fatc didn't know content mostly, unless help was asked for. For example, ds always needed help with creative projects and dd has needed quite a lot of input to get her art done, as it needed more planning. Really what I have done is ask her things like - which projetc to you want to choose, how are you going to go about that, what about X or Y etc.
ds in year 7 used to need help when doing internet research, The help mostly consisted of me sitting next to him on the sofa while he worked on the laptop, the help was along the lines of - OK, here is good page about subject, now choose the picture, select it, post it and MOVE ON. He was hopeless at filtering the internet.

But revision. Hmm. In year 7 ds was hopeless and I finally realised (a bit late) that he didn't really know what to do. So in year 8 I intervened more with revision. We talked about the things you can do to revise (re-read it, practise questions, learn facts and be tested on them etc) he then planned what he woudl do for each subjetc and when and each day I asked him what he had done and how it was going. He only did it though because he is very good at maths and out of the blue failed a maths assessment. After that we talked through what he needed to do and he was more willing to co-operate. Before that I apparently knew nothing and was no help and it was HIS exams and how dare I interfere.

[simpson]

DS is pretty good at actual homework but as for revising....forget it!

I think he thinks it's not real homework (ie he doesn't have to hand anything in!) so yes, the revising is like pulling teeth!

However, we have only just got past the " teacher said 1/2 a page" so he will do the bare minimum phase.

[Titsywoo]

Hope you manage to get her moved groovejet - seems silly to not do so if moving her will make her more happy and more likely to do well!

Question for you all - when it comes to homework and revision do you et involved at all? I feel like if I don't tell DD she needs to do some homework every night she forgets or leaves it until the last minute then panics and does a bad job. She should have been revising all this week but getting her to do so is like pulling teeth - and even then she is very half-hearted so doubt much gets remembered. I don't want to mollycoddle her but I don't want her to do badly and her attitude at the moment is not great - she doesn't feel confident so just gives up or doesn't ask for help (scared of the teachers). Should I leave her to it and possibly let her fuck it all up?

[groovejet]

My thoughts exactly, HoY sounded far more sympathetic so can only hope the chat with student support was more of a tick box procedure than the actual decision.

At least after opening up about what has been going on dd seems a bit happier, must have been weighing on her mind, just wish she had told me earlier.

Thankfully Friday tomorrow, she is off into town with a friend Saturday maybe meeting up with a couple more and then we are going to get the Christmas stuff down. A touch early but busy with family next week and some quality time with friends and family will do her some good.

[OpalTree]

That sounds a bit unsympathetic.

[groovejet]

Thanks Opal.

May have got a bit too optimistic, dd has said was called to student support at lunch, the teacher there just told her things should improve by Y8, and that she can't wave a magic wand to make things better.

Can only hope head of year is looking into it more and that this conversation with student support is not the only outcome of me raising the issue with the school.

DD is not asking for much she just wants some kind of acknowledgement that she exists. If I went to work and was blanked every morning when I said hello, told to go away if I had to work alongside others I would not be staying in that job.

I do appreciate that moving tutor groups is not going to be the easiest thing for the school to do but I do know they have done it for others before for similar reasons.

[OpalTree]

Sounds very positive groove. Good for you for raising it and good for the teacher for taking it seriously and wanting to help. I hope the penny drops for some of the current class that they could have been kinder.

[groovejet]

Well spoke to head of year, who, to be fair, seemed upset that dd was having to cope with this. She immediately asked what tutor groups would dd feel happier in, I said I knew of two where she knew people from primary and also included new friends that she had made.

So she is going to have a chat with dd and look at class sizes, so no guarantee of a move but hopefully the fact that there is a choice of two groups so it's not just a case off dd wanting to be with a best mate will be promising. Will just have to wait until they get back to me.

Feel happier knowing they took my concerns seriously, I was worried they were just going to fob me off and blame dd for being quiet but HoY did acknowledge that although she was quiet she is normally happy cheerful and hardworking and shouldn't be feeling this way.

[steppemum]

baby - yes that is true in ds and dd's school. They keep them in tutor groups so they aren't constantly chopping and changing, gives them a chance to make friends.
Great unless you are in the position of groove's dd though

[BabyGanoush]

At least after y7 they spend a lot less time in their tutor group, at most schools.

At DS2 school he spends all his lessons in his tutor, apart from maths which has sets.

Then in y8, a lot more setting takes place.

[groovejet]

Thanks for the replies.

I would love if the school offered a change in tutor groups, if she wasn't clearly capable of making friends in other tutor groups I don't think it would be something I would consider. I did ask her how she would feel if the school offered that choice, she said she would rather have a few weeks of being quizzed about it than being ignored for the rest of school.

Steppe she probably is emotional, tired and hormonal all of which will make this situation feel 10 times worse for her I am sure. I have stressed to her that things do change friendship wise and that it may not always be like this, I didn't want her to have her hopes up on being moved, as it may not even be an option.

I am a bit disappointed that the school were quick to contact me to say that she needed to do some extra work in her English but seem oblivious to the fact that she is by herself when it comes to group work, her English teacher also being her tutor.

Will see if head of year or head of pastoral care for her year can speak to me today.

[steppemum]

groove - hang on in there with her. Dd has had quite an easy start, but it is only in the last couple of weeks that I have finally started hearing her talk about one or two girls as her friends. It took her a long time to find them.

I know that for ds and my neices this time of year was a real low point. November, tired, dark, dark when you get home, wet, cold, tired, tired tired. We couldn't wait to get to Christmas. It was all much much better when they went back in Jan.
Don't underestomate the shear emotional tiredness of everything being different and new and having to adjust, it isn't just the first couple of weeks, it is all term really.

[OpalTree]

If she did move she could just say to anyone who asked that she was moving to be with friends, rather than saying it was because of problems in the old class.

[steppemum]

hello again, this thread dropped off my list and I've only just found it again.

My neice's year 7 tutor told my SIL that there is a lot of friendship stuff in year 7 and they try to keep a tight grip on it as that is the only way to set the tone for the rest of school. So do keep talking to the school if you are having problems.

groove, I would have thought moving tutor groups would be a good plan, maybe after Christmas so she starts a new timetable with new group?

[OpalTree]

Maybe the school will suggest moving to a different tutor group as an option? If she's made friends in other classes maybe she could move to be with some of them?

[groovejet]

Thanks for your reply this bit of school is so hard, feel gutted that she is so unhappy.

[groovejet]

Will see if I can speak to year head tomorrow and see what they suggest. Not sure what the schools solution will be as they can't force her tutor group to talk to her and even if they did dd would be mortified.

I don't think she is even too bothered about being with her best friends, she just wants to be with a tutor group where they will say hello back and she can do group work with, she feels embarrassed that she had to have teacher step in to make a group allow her to join and is dreading Friday when it is drama again.

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Groovejet it's not your fault, and it's not hers. Some groups just don't work out, and being assigned with a friend is no guarantee, the number of primary school "best friends" who are not talking to each other by the end of year seven.....
Speak to / email form tutor or year head. They will be able to help.

[groovejet]

Have had dd1 in floods of tears this evening, she is being excluded by her tutor group and finally has become to much for her and broke down.

She has always been fairly quiet, not popular but never had a problem getting on with others and has a small but close friendship group so I thought that although she had no good friends in her tutor group she was doing ok.

She says most morning nobody says hello to her, no-one wants to do group work with her and in drama she tried to join a group for group work but was told to go away and was by herself until the teacher intervened.

I just don't know what to do, I can't make people like her and she has made new friends from other tutor groups from other lessons so it can't all be down to her personality. I feel awful that I didn't speak up when they assigned tutor groups as I knew that she was with no-one she really knew but thought that they just mixed up everyone turns out most people were assigned tutor groups with best friends with just a handful of exceptions maybe if I spoke out then things would be different.

She is fine at break times and when it is mixed lessons it is the classes in which it just her tutor group and registration that she is finding hard, she says she can't face another 5 years of school being like this.