DC's and private school: do you explain to them about school fees?

[wanderings]

I was asked by my parents which secondary school I wanted to go to, after a few visits to various schools. I happened to choose the one which was a private school, with an entrance exam. I didn't actually know that my parents were paying fees for it until I was in year 8. (Should I have known about this, aged 11?) And I didn't realise until much later what a small percentage it is of children who do go to private schools.

While in a way I understand my parents' decision not to let the issue of fees influence which school I liked best (they rarely explained about big money matters unless I asked), I'm not sure if ignorance was bliss, and I can't help wondering if I had known from the start that it was an expensive school, if I might have worked harder in my earlier years there. (I didn't really start working hard until year 10; there were lots of battles between me and parents about schoolwork!)

It depends of what your view of old boy network is versus mine. The parents of children in Private schools will in most cases be in professional jobs. They may be in the position to help their own DC and their DCs friends in terms of placements and jobs and general opportunities i.e. they know useful people and may do exciting things that your DC might not get a chance to do otherwise for example foreign holidays that your DC get invited along to.

I guess the same might operate at a different level in another way, i.e. if your child is interested in being a plumber or other trade, there may be more chance of having a friend with a parent in a trade that may be able to help you in a state school.

My Dc are probably in the middle of these scenarios in that we know no-one useful in either arena. That's maybe just us being anti social though :o

Sorry I was slow typing. That's what I was meaning about the old boy network, it being about who knows who - I just didn't explain it well. That's a state education for you...

My younger son is very interested in Politics, I think he's have a better chance of building a career in politics in any party if he had the benefit of private education purely from a networking point of view and also for the confidence that privately educated children have. It's lack of confidence that I think is the main issue for my children but that isn't necessarily down to school (although they don't really help), that comes from home too as DH and I aren't the most confident of people either.

myotherusernameisbetter It is confidence and I don't understand why. However, it didn't hold back Maggie Thatcher or John Major. William Hague has done OK and so has Hillary Benn. But I'll digress and tell you something amusing. DS was sent by us to chat to an MP we know at the commons. He turned up in a t shirt with his piercing and was ushered through the crowds. As soon as he met said MP he was introduced to two members of the cabinet as the Beaufort's son. He actually came away very humbled and a bit agog at his own connections. He is determined to change the world and probably sympathises more with minifingerz than me. But it's interesting that it's his perceived despicable privilege that might make trying to change it easier.

"I guess the same might operate at a different level in another way, i.e. if your child is interested in being a plumber or other trade, there may be more chance of having a friend with a parent in a trade that may be able to help you in a state school."

So only children whose parents are "in a trade" go to state schools? No professional parents at all?

It didn't hold back Maggie Thatcher or John Major because they were very well educated at Grammar schools.Their current generation of politicians bucked the public school trend which Incidentally has reverted back to type.The only school to go to now is Eton.Likewise being an Oxbridge candidate is also essential for politics.
There are now very few free grammars.We have one in our county.There will be no future opportunities for bright children to excel unless local schools improve.There are many good state schools in the South but not so many as you move further North.

"I suspect even at "those" schools the advantage is wildly overestimated by some"

Oh, I don't know...

auction.westminster.org.uk/lots?page=1

My children went to prep school and for a long time didn't realise we paid fees. Why would they, at that age? When they realised we did pay fees, they then assumed all schools had fees. Now they are secondary age (or nearly in one case) they understand that some schools charge fees and others don't. I would have thought nowadays it is very difficult to be oblivious to this. It might have been easier before social media etc though... I don't recall fees ever being mentioned specifically to me as a child, but I was clear that there was a choice between the local secondary school who would take anyone and private schools who required entrance exams and fees.

Beaufort - careful with the Hillary Benn reference - with Tony as a father, any political door would have been open to him (plus, although he went to Holland Park Comp, he did go to Westminster Under School).

My kids know that you pay fees for private schools, because the first time one of their little chums was taken out of their state primary to go to one, they were sad on his behalf, assuming that 'private' meant he'd be on his own and hidden away somewhere, until I explained...

Bertrand that's not what I meant and I think you are trying to stir it a bit - Yes, it's a bit of a generality I agree, but there will be more parents who are directors and Engineers etc in private school and more semi professional or trade or indeed unemployed at state school - or rather, given the numbers there may technically be more of the former in state school statistically but on a % basis not. So you will be more likely to be sitting in a class of 20 with the majority of the pupils having parents in an influential sphere than you will have in your class of 30 odd in the average state school where there may be one or two.

Totally disagree the only school is Eton. My ds was far too academic for it! Westminster, St Paul's, Winchester, KCS are all better Imo.

It depends on the area you live too. Where I live many kids go to state primaries but 92% of children in my daughter state primary went to private secondary school last year(we have "almost"rubbish state secondaries but much better selective private secondary in our area. Almost every parents in my daughter class is working in a decent paid job many earn much more than us(judging from the bigger house and via various drinks) and they find the school is great. There isnt anything wrong with the school and I would never say it clise to "crap" its just have no support for higher able children and I cant do anything about it unless move her. I could then only lurking around many private school threads here to see if its better in private especially the selective ones.

In our area we have 1 grammar school for girl(Tiffin) and I heard that the results are good because the girls are bright. So which put us off from even thinking about it as it means grammar/state/free so dont expect...

BB

That is quite possibly my favourite post ever. Thank you. I will still be giggling about it on Boxing day.

Oooo I've just got to bid on the services of a professional bagpipe player!

happygardening

Thrilled to have made Multivac's day

It's still working, BB. It may even become a meme....

I think I just laughed so much my pelvic floor misbehaved - the Eton sports coach had lcd Eton across its front - sort of how the public bus has Dalston or Elephant & Castle on it. The boys thought it was vulgar and really used to rip it

I also find it hard to believe that a 10/11 yo wouldnt pick this up. I went private from 7-14 and knew age 7.

DS was offered a sports scholarship at one of the top indies in the country last year, when he attended a sports event there. He was with me when I spoke to the bloke about it and laughed in his face at the idea of finding the other 90% of the fees. After that, he wanted to know exactly how much indie schools cost, and wanted to look at indie and state league tables to assess where the school he is now going to sits.

I for one am finding this thread fascinating. Probably the most honest discussion I have seen on mn regarding why people privately educate their children.

We are not and will not be privately educating our kids. I am not deluded though and am fully aware that we have gone down the selection by postcode route following a house move.