DC's and private school: do you explain to them about school fees?

[wanderings]

I was asked by my parents which secondary school I wanted to go to, after a few visits to various schools. I happened to choose the one which was a private school, with an entrance exam. I didn't actually know that my parents were paying fees for it until I was in year 8. (Should I have known about this, aged 11?) And I didn't realise until much later what a small percentage it is of children who do go to private schools.

While in a way I understand my parents' decision not to let the issue of fees influence which school I liked best (they rarely explained about big money matters unless I asked), I'm not sure if ignorance was bliss, and I can't help wondering if I had known from the start that it was an expensive school, if I might have worked harder in my earlier years there. (I didn't really start working hard until year 10; there were lots of battles between me and parents about schoolwork!)

that's rubbish greenleave, people work in london because they grew up there, have family there. Yes that's where lots of jobs - at every salary - are, it doesn't mean people are "money driven"!

I find it odd when people paying fees argue they're not wealthy. To afford fees we are VERY wealthy relative to others and by analysts' definitions.

And nor are private schools "inclusive". Most private schools don't offer loads of bursaries etc since this wouldn't be financially viable: you can see this from their accounts, bursary costs are listed. Obviously some exceptions, eg the very wealthy old schools.

Duck I'm curious which SE day schools are charging 25k+ before extras? I've just googled a few big name London day schools and none are charging that. I accept that in some cases a day child at a predominately full boarding school may pay that but that's because bar actually sleeping at school they are there as much and doing the same things as a full boarder.

London is well known because mostly of financial centre of the world and working in banking and financial sectors for years and in few firms and similar to my husband I could confident say only 10-20% people work here are London born

yes, I guess they're boarding schools but that also have a high proportion of day students who pay £25k+. Are the london day-only ones £20k+?

ASL is around £25k I believe, even at prep level...it can't be the only one.

Working where greenleave, top firms? So you were talking specifically about people's attitudes who are in v v highly paid jobs in London?

Yes, plenty around £20k certainly Duck

Duck I've never disputed that parents paying fees are not wealthy especially those paying boarding fees I'm very aware that boarding fees are often higher than most peoples salaries but I understand that it's the "mega wealthy" that are being discussed. My definition of mega wealthy are multi millionaires and ST rich listers etc.

Duck I'm struggling to find that many boarding schools charging their day pupils 25k+. From my quick reading of websites most well known London day schools seem to be coming in at just under 20k. Quite a few want just under 16k.

"ASL"?

American School in London

Ah found it American School In London slightly different don't you think? So I've googled London day schools frequently mentioned on MN Westminster is just under 25K, SPS its also very expensive nearly 23k, Dulwich College, NLC, Latimer Upper and The Harrodian are all under 20k Trinty is under 16k. Epsom College a mix of boarding and day, their day fees under 25k, Kings Canterbury charge more than 25k but it's a full boarding school so a day pupil is doing everything but sleeping there.

Schools where I am (Surrey) mostly mixed day/boarding are around 7-8k per term for day pupils so certainly above the 20k mark. More for boarding obvs. These are not top level "'name" schools and certainly don't feature in Tatler. Neither do they have hoards of Chinese pupils. All are oversubscribed and have had to introduce tougher pre testing to cope with applicant numbers and 2 are opening new intakes at 11.

dusquisitiones what professions pay salaries of that order except to a lucky few at the top of them? Uni professors, headteachers, salaried lawyers and accountants don't get paid as much as £100k. Not on my planet anyway.

Typical salaries for second school headteachers are 100k nowadays.

The median salary for a university professor is around 80k; earning 100k is on the top end but is certainly not unknown for world-leading academics (particularly in London). Academics are often married to each other and 2 x 80k = 160k.

Granolmucher seems to repeat this thread every few weeks and ignore comments from those of us who actually have children in private schools. Most of my DC's friends comes from families in which two parents work. Representative situations: both parents teachers, one in SMT; both parents senior professors (us); one parent an engineer, one works part-time in senior publishing role; one parent a partner in accountancy firm, one works part-time in a museum; one parent a hospital consultant, one works part-time as a GP; one parent a city lawyer, the other doesn't work; both parents run a business.

"So, I'll deal with my child how I see fit and not be judged for it by anyone."

Of course. But you were suggesting it was usual for a year 8 not to be aware that he is at private school- not that it was appropriate for your particular child not to.

In general I would be horrified if somebody had reached year 8 with such a narrow view of the world that they didn't understand about private/state education, and about the differences between them- including the cost.

My own children were aware from a very early age (not helped, to be frank, by the local prep school's insistence on corduroy knickerbockers and long socks)- for lots of reasons. Different term times. Their friends having music lessons in school, not after school. Different subjects. Comparing notes on things like class size. Having to have cricket whites, rather than playing in track suits. Loads of little things. Of course children talk about school. And sometimes kids in both sectors say pretty horrible things to each other- please don't think that's a one way street!

Oh, and whoever said that the local state school parents wouldn't even be aware of the fact that they were using the private school swimming pool for free- of course they do. Private schools do not do these things out of the goodness of their hearts. I would imagine it's an utter pain in the neck they would rather not do. They do it to justify their charitable status. No point doing it if nobody knows about it!

I'd say the majority of London day schools are probably c£16-£19k before extras - ASL is exceptional, as are the pupils there whose parents pay the fees personally (rather than employer covering them)

Actually, Bertrand, I don't believe I was suggesting it was usual, just responding, like most of the earlier posters, with a personal anecdote about when and why their child knew.

Still a bit upset today, frankly, about the "immature and a little thick" comment from yesterday (not you). People seem increasingly unable to have the imagination to see different viewpoints, motivations or situations other than their own.

home again I've randomly googled some Surrey independent schools not my area so I've only googled names I see on here, only two want 25k+ for day pupils again these are big name boarding schools with a few day pupils. I was frankly surprised at how cheap KGS was!

Ralph.I also was referring to secondary school pupils.
I am in no way criticising You personally or your child or your way of bringing him up.Incidentally i also have a child with learning difficulties so please don't feel got-at.

"Comparing notes on class size"
Maybe it's just my DC's but I just can't imagine mine in a million years sitting down with their mates comparing notes on class size. Maybe at 6th form but even then I can't see it. Secondly mine at their top boarding prep practiced cricket in track suits but played in whites, as does our local free junior cricket club, thirdly at the same prep they didn't wear knickerbockers and long socks but grey trousers and polo shirts.

Similarly RGS Guildford is super cheap but super selective! Obviously don't know which schools you looked up but those on my radar are mostly mixed day/boarding if not slightly more day pupils now (my DS school in latter category), not mostly boarding schools. But no matter -the point I was trying to make is that demand is very high still without great influxes of oligarchy classes

"Still a bit upset today, frankly, about the "immature and a little thick" comment from yesterday (not you). People seem increasingly unable to have the imagination to see different viewpoints, motivations or situations other than their own."

Well,not is a bit tricky if psychic powers are expected! There was nothing in your post to suggest that your child needed to be considered differently.

He obviously isn't "immature and a bit thick" not to have realised by year 8, but I would certainly think my NT children were. And I would be questioning how I had brought them up.

getoff why do you assume that children at independent senior schools are immature and a little thick?

Class size was just one of the things on my list. But I can well imagine a conversation going something like "We did X today" "Really? What, your whole class? How many are there?" "10" "Wow-there's 30 of us!"

My DC went to the school referred to by the Tatler comments. No pandering. It was academic ability all the way with not all the children from very rich families being offered places.

The issue is not that there are wrongs to right in the Indy sector but that there are significant quality issues and expectation issues in the state sector. If only as much energy went into accepting the state sectors failings and campaigning to put them right all children would get a better education and the indy sector would lose its academic edge.