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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Tearing my hair out over State boarding

287 replies

Teddingtonmum1 · 03/10/2013 23:30

As I'm a single mum with a demanding job , I have decided to look into state boarding preferably weekly if I can get my ds a place . Christs hospital is my number 1 choice due to the bursary and it's a great school ( my brother is an old blue so slightly biased ) am also looking at RAAs in Reigate and Gordon's in Woking got open days at both saturday and next thursday out of the 2 would prefer Gordon's as a fall back if we cant get into CH , but have been advised that I can claim tax credits towards the 'childcare ' bill .

Have quizzed Gordon's as to chances of getting in I live in teddington so the right side of London but they said it obviously depends on siblings etc .( no really fair if you only have one can see why there's sibling priority in primary but not at secondary as kids get themselves to school but those are the rules ) am a little hopeful to read someone got in last year from east London ? any thoughts about gordons ??? im just about tearing my hair out as need a boarding place otherwise my sond going to be forced to become a latch key kid which I don't want HELP !!!!

OP posts:
Shootingatpigeons · 08/10/2013 13:07

teddingtonmum you are familiar with the local application process? I ask because every year there are parents in this borough who do not get a place at their local school, let alone choice of a school. It is obviously very distressing and I feel for them but at least a proportion, ignore the Council's advice to include the local school they had the most chance of getting into in in their preferences, in favour of listing the schools they wanted. The process then excludes them from being considered for the local school, even though on distance they would be entitled to a place. This year it happened in Hampton and parents were shocked to find themselves allocated a place at St RR for which they had not applied even though they lived on the doorstep of Hampton Academy. They had not included it in their aspirational preferences because they just assumed there would be places.

You do not have to make Teddington your first preference, you could list OP as first, but if you do not get a place at OP your application will then automatically be switched to Teddington for which you will be given a place based on your distance from the school irrespective of the preference you and other applicants made it. This would apply even if you made Teddington fourth preference though if you look at the admissions statistics most parents who get in have made Teddington their first choice preferred school.

If you do not make an on time application or list Teddington in your choices and your plans to get a boarding place fall through then you will go on waiting lists that will probably not move greatly given the pressure on places next year and could well find a place at Richmond Park Academy is all they offer you. Most people applying to private schools make a state school application as a fallback, you can never be sure even if you have clever DCs, but of course lots of us applying to private schools did so, biting the bullet on the expense, knowing that unlike you we didn't stand a chance of getting a place at one of the outstanding comps like Teddington .

Shootingatpigeons · 08/10/2013 13:12

I actually used the study zone for my DD during holidays. They do grow out of it around 12/13 and it is mostly younger children but for a while she really enjoyed it. It's a good set up in terms of the accommodation and facilities, computers etc as well as planned activities.

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 16:47

Hi SAP

I totally understand and will make sure that i put it in but I'm losing the will to live its just school school school at the moment . I spoke to admissions at reeds today and the lady was very helpful the good news is that they have a bus from teddington ( at 7am I'd like to see my son make THAT !!) and then the bus back leaves at 5.30 so he would be back after 6.30pm which would be ideal we would be able to apply for a bursary and if we were lucky enough it would be a 50% discount on the fees so he wouldnt have to board unless he wanted to but they also do weekly so have asked for the forms to be sent out. Feeling a little bit more optimistic if all else fails I'm going to open a 11plus after school club I reckon I'd be over subscribed I jus can't believe that there is just no provision , I know a number of mums who have had to go back to work what happens to the kids ?? !!! . Ok rant over !!!

OP posts:
friday16 · 08/10/2013 16:49

( at 7am I'd like to see my son make THAT !!) and then the bus back leaves at 5.30 so he would be back after 6.30pm

Two hours a day on a bus is obviously preferable to a couple of hours at home on his own. Hmm

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 16:52

Err the supervised school bus ....

OP posts:
LIZS · 08/10/2013 16:55

I doubt it is supervised by anyone other than the driver.

friday16 · 08/10/2013 16:56

Err the supervised school bus ....

Yeah, right. There's a driver, like other buses. Some of us have actually got secondary age children, who use buses, you know.

titchy · 08/10/2013 17:12

Trust me there's only the driver .....poor sod

Actually I doubt you'd get anyone particularly interested in 11+ childcare for more than a few months.

When you have a primary aged child you tend to think of them as very young a vulnerable and liable to self combust if left alone for more than 10 minutes. Once they've been at secondary a few months, and they're getting themselves too and from school themselves, finding their own way to lessons, making their own choices of lunch, arranging to meet new friends themselves all without any if your input, and generally being in an environment with much older kids, you suddenly realise they're actually quite capable, and not only quite content to be on their own for a couple of hours after school, but able to put a load in the washing machine, peel some spuds for tea, do a bit of homework and Skype their mates AND its useful and you wonder what on earth you worried about.

Until your kid's at secondary though the thought of it is beyond you- you still think of them as little kids needing to be looked after and supervised all the time.

If you don't go for boarding, and I hope you don't because your thinking's all wrong, you too will come to realise he will be fine!

basildonbond · 08/10/2013 17:15

I can't believe you're going through so much angst over this .... Maybe I could understand if your state option were a complete sink school but its not!! Teddington is at the end of my parents' road - it is a fantastic site right on the river with a beautiful new building. Its catchment area is chock full of million pound plus houses and it's very oversubscribed. You do realise that the percentage of children getting A*/A in maths is way above the national average and yet its intake is non-selective. You obviously don't have a high enough income to make private education a genuine possibility, your ex is set against it, you're considering either sending your ds away to board or have him up at 6am every morning to spend hours on a school bus - and all to 'save' him from the terrible prospect of going to Teddington, a school which many parents in your position would give their eye teeth for ....

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 17:21

Lol lets hope he gets danger money !!, Your probably right hey I've been warned after 13 they don't even talk to you any more apart to ask for more cash lol . Well will now be looking at reeds as well so fingers crossed so glad I've only got the one !!!.

OP posts:
meditrina · 08/10/2013 17:24

I agree with titchy.

When it's your eldest/only and you're used to primary age norms, the idea of DC letting themselves in is daunting. By about 2 weeks in to year 7, it'll be as if they've always done it.

JenaiMorris · 08/10/2013 17:34

titchy is absolutely spot on.

When ds started at secondary the child care thing seemed insurmountable. But actually, it was much the same stress as I had when I went full time when he started in reception - somehow it all came together.

Ds's father and I live together but we don't have any family around to pick up the slack for us, nor do we have a huge network of fellow parents to swap childcare favours with - most of ds's classmates had SAHMs, so it tended to be a very small group of us working parents who helped each other out over the holidays, INSET days and the like. That, afterschool and holiday clubs, later on PGL, and spreading out the annual leave so it was rare for us all to be off together kind of worked.

Back at the stage you're at, OP, I couldn't imagine how it would work once after school and holiday clubs were no longer an option (there are none for secondary pupils here). But it does.

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 21:34

What no holiday clubs your kidding right !!??? Are you trying to push me over the edge .....

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/10/2013 21:39

I came back to add your ds will mature so much in the next 11 months, honestly he will be so much more capable of being home alone.

What things did you do alone when you were 10? What age did you go to town shopping with your mates? What age did you take yourself to and from school?

friday16 · 08/10/2013 21:46

What no holiday clubs your kidding right !!??? Are you trying to push me over the edge .....

Holiday clubs are extremely rare for anyone much over 12, and that only because places catering mostly for primary school aged children are willing to push their upper age range up a bit to offer a service to infantilising parents who worry about their tweenagers. There's no market for them otherwise.

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 21:48

Hey RM
At 10 I was going all over the place but unfortunately the world is not the same as it was ....

Though I did find this holiday club for up to 13's so that's 1 less worry phewww

www.koosakids.co.uk/assets/uploads/misc/holiday_club_brochure.pdf

OP posts:
friday16 · 08/10/2013 21:50

At 10 I was going all over the place but unfortunately the world is not the same as it was

In what way? Why is the world any riskier today than it was twenty years ago?

Though I did find this holiday club for up to 13's

I guarantee you that the parents taking their 12 or 13 year olds there will be paranoid over-protective obsessives. Look at those photographs. See any children over ten?

mummytime · 08/10/2013 22:27

Our town not too far away has a holiday scheme for 11-16 year olds. It's well subscribed.

I might let an 11 year old be home alone for 2 hours a day, but weeks at a time?

uselessinformation · 08/10/2013 22:43

My son really enjoyed having time to himself at home before I returned home. What do you think is going to happen to him? Won't he just do the same things he would if you were in? Tell him not to answer the door or landline. You can phone his mobile if you need to.

Original poster
Teddingtonmum1 · 08/10/2013 23:17

I don't have a problem leaving him for an hour or so it's the hours every single day 5 days a week I have a problem with ...

OP posts:
Unexpected · 09/10/2013 00:06

You still haven't told us what your son thinks about the boarding school idea? Does he get any say? Also, if you don't want him home alone, have you tried to get an after-school nanny/babysitter? Seems a bit less drastic than sending him to boarding school. Even if he needs someone to look after him for his first year at school this is such a short-term issue, he will not want someone home with him when he is 13/14!

BadgerB · 09/10/2013 06:32

Why is everyone - well, most - so very much against boarding school? It's hardly Dotheboys Hall! If DC are happy to go it's better than coming home alone, grabbing a sandwich and turning on the TV or computer. Or worse, wandering around with 'the gang'.

FamiliesShareGerms · 09/10/2013 07:06

I can't wait until the DC are secondary school age and broadly able to look after themselves for a couple of hours a day...

Unexpected · 09/10/2013 09:10

BadgerB I don't think anyone on this thread is against boarding per se but in this case, we have no idea if the OP's son is happy to go as his wishes haven't been mentioned at all. OP also seems to be choosing boarding because a) she can't contemplate organising after-school care for her 11 year old as she doesn't want him to be home alone after school. Her work place changes frequently but in primary after-school club worked well so late/unsociable hours care obviously isn't an issue and b) because the local state option is deemed unsatisfactory despite people local to the school in question telling her that others would give their right arm to be in catchment for that school.

OP seems to be putting all her hopes on getting a boarding place at schools which are difficult to get into, which she can't afford and for which she is relying on hopefully getting a bursary, and schools which her exP doesn't want his ds to attend and for which his consent may be necessary for the admissions process and for which she says she will need to get a court-issued Specific Issue order.

LIZS · 09/10/2013 10:18

Agree with others that for the sake of an hour or two a day, some of which could be spent traveling, at an extra curricular activity, local library or friend's house , being so set on a boarding school as the only option seems a bit over the top. A term or two in , you may well find yourself wondering why you are financially committed long term to a short term concern. Some state schools will also allow pupils to stay onsite in IT labs or library, after school to do homework or use the gym etc.