Tearing my hair out over State boarding

[Teddingtonmum1]

As I'm a single mum with a demanding job , I have decided to look into state boarding preferably weekly if I can get my ds a place . Christs hospital is my number 1 choice due to the bursary and it's a great school ( my brother is an old blue so slightly biased ) am also looking at RAAs in Reigate and Gordon's in Woking got open days at both saturday and next thursday out of the 2 would prefer Gordon's as a fall back if we cant get into CH , but have been advised that I can claim tax credits towards the 'childcare ' bill .

Have quizzed Gordon's as to chances of getting in I live in teddington so the right side of London but they said it obviously depends on siblings etc .( no really fair if you only have one can see why there's sibling priority in primary but not at secondary as kids get themselves to school but those are the rules ) am a little hopeful to read someone got in last year from east London ? any thoughts about gordons ??? im just about tearing my hair out as need a boarding place otherwise my sond going to be forced to become a latch key kid which I don't want HELP !!!!

Haven't ever heard of an appeals procedure at CH. I do know that you can ask for feedback. The thing being is that he might of done absolutely nothing 'wrong' but others on the day performed better/differently/had a different level of boarding need. It all depends on the cohort hes tested against rather than individual performance on its own.

Sorry that he didn't get offered a place on the 2 day assessment. My understanding is that they literally just draw a line and invite the top (say 250) to the next stage.

Remember it is their own test and they are looking for potential not just where they are now. It's all about who else they are competing against on the day IYWSIM.

It does say that you can appeal I will probably send an email for some feedback but maybe its just not meant to be and I need to accept it I know someone else who applied who has a high boarding need but isnt academic as my DS and needs 100% bursary so will see if they get offered. am off to pour a large vodka am just so gutted for him no doubt his dad will be celebrating when he hears the news.

I too am sorry to read your DS wasn't successful at CH. I'm surprised your allowed to appeal but if you are can you find out why they turned him down in the first place before appealing. If it was because others had greater needs then I think your probably wasting your time.
Harrow does a scholarship thing aimed at boys from the state sector the Beckwith scholarship or something similar they pay prep fees for yrs 7 and 8 then fees whist at Harrow you might have missed the boat but it's worth looking into it.

I think, OP, you need to relax a bit. You've pursued this single objective of boarding without fully considering other options. Now this objective is starting to look a bit more remote, it might be time to take the blinkers off and see what you might realistically be able to do.

1. Please at least think about an AP/Mother's help and investing in supplementary tuition etc after school. It is much cheaper than boarding school and you will have cover in the holidays.

1. Please think about your ExH having custody. He seems to be willing and there is hardly any difference between him having custody and your DS going to boarding school, is there?

1. Please think about changing the nature of your work. Working flexibly somewhere so that your DS can attend the local school and you can be there a little more for him.

1. Many children succeed through state education. It just requires motivation and that is innate and not learned. If that's what it has to be then that's what it is. Best not start your DS thinking that this is second best etc and imbuing him with negative feelings about the school he may have to attend.

But most of all please relax a little. There is so much tension in every single one of your posts. You must be tired.

Thanks HG am going to go and have a word with his head teacher tomorrow and see if he could have a conversation with them regarding the reasons his dad has been putting so much pressure onto him recently telling him that his not happy for him to go I'm concerned that he has flunked it on purpose. I understand they can't give everyone war and peace explanation but even if they gave scores so you would know you didn't make the cut then move on or maybe his just can't handle doing exams. who knows I'm so exhusted I don't know if I'm coming or going . Will sleep on it ....

Its a difficult one.

Schools cannot become mediators between parents in this situation, simply because parental responsibility lays out what each parent can expect regardless of living arrangements, access etc.

Also, if you think about it, every single student sitting the exam could cite some kind of pressure as to why they didn't perform on the day, be it parents disagreeing, difficult travel arrangements, anxiety, or even if they have a sibling already there or a parent is an 'old blue' the pressure could equally prove too much for a child.

So, any conversation should focus on any possible gap between his current levels and how he did in the CH exam, not finding reasons for a different performance.

When independent schools have more candidates than places they can easily afford to pick and choose, based on academic performance, sporting or musical ability, social need etc. Feedback may be useful but tbh appealing seems a waste of time . If they were seriously considering him, even as a waiting list candidate, they would say so. It seems as if you are focussing on this as a diversion from the real issue which is your and your ds' relationship with his father and making it "work" in his best interest.

There are other options which you appear to be dismissing. One would be finding a prep school to take him for year 7 and 8 and reapplying to a wider range of schools (possibly including CH if that is their feedback) for 13+ entry but by then you wouldn't need After School Care/Holiday cover in the same way and a different set of issues will present themselves.

Poor child you're giving him the option to live away from you for 8 or 9 months of the year an his dad of offering him the option to live with him.
Have you thought that he may not be very keen on your idea.
Have you considered he's just not what theses schools are looking for or not able enough.
As many posters have said what gives you the idea that your circumstances are so special to warrant this.
What makes you think the school sympathise with you- they may feel that you are putting too much pressure on your ds and are not considering his emotional welfare
Many many many parents have to make do with their local comp, have various childcare arrangements etc

Have you ever thought of altering your job. The way it sounds by your post is that you are very busy and the boarding school option would be good for you, nothing about your son wanting to go.
What is wrong with being a latch key kid?

will definitely appeal

How, and on what possible basis? It isn't a state school. The selective private schools whose admissions I'm somewhat familiar with don't have such a process.

So long as they aren't discriminating on protected characteristics (and even then they have more latitude than an employer does, as single-sex and faith schools are legal) then they can select pupils on any basis they like. They hold an exam. They set a pass mark. They mark the exam and tell people if they've passed or failed. That's the end of it.

Presumably you knew all this before you entered him?

Another suggestion what about a scholarship/bursary into a boarding prep if he's bright (I don't know what the levels you've quoted mean) with a view to trying to get a place somewhere at 13+. You might be too late but no harm ringing around and asking. If you managed to find somewhere you would probably be expected to make a contribution to the fees can you afford to do this?

Does he actually want to board? There is a lot in your posts about what you want and your "interactions" with your ex but not a lot about what your son wants?

I agree with HG post above. Pause and take stock because you seem to be almost frantically pursuing one option only.

Even a local day Prep school would have longer hours and activities such as sport, clubs or Prep which can extend the day until 5.30-6.00 or beyond. However, in terms of finances can you really afford this, since I assume your ex isn't being supportive of such action and won't contribute ? A 100% bursary is very rare in any school even for the most exceptional child although one with vacancies in Year 7 may negotiate.

And do you really need it ? dd 's peers at Prep school in Year 7 & 8 are still ferried to and fro everywhere and have parental input into their homework and projects whereas those who have moved at 11 are much more independent, get themselves to and from school and could easily cope with an hour or so after school alone, watching tv or doing homework. I think your are underestimating your ds and are perhaps a little over protective which may be where your ex is (in part at least) coming from. You have left this very late to investigate and your options are limited but you seem blind to alternative suggestions. Stand back and check you aren't just doing this to be at odds with him.

Did you fill an application for Richmond Secondaries. If not you have till 30/11/13 to apply to Turing House as back up

Sorry to hear that your DS didn't make it through the first stage of the CH selection procedure OP, but I do hope you're not transferring your anxiety and disappointment to him - without wanting to be harsh, it sounds as though he's under enough pressure already! I've known several children who have tried for CH - in every case they were flagged up as academic high achievers by their schools and the parents had high hopes, but some just didn't make the cut. I guess CH simply can't take "every" bright and/or needy child who applies, and from what I've gathered they're offering greatly reduced levels of bursary support in these recessionary times than they were able to a few years ago.

Good luck with Reeds - but I hope that both you and your DS are realistic about your chances, and that you have prepared him not to regard the local state option as a 'failure'. With your obvious love and support, I'm sure he'll do well wherever he goes!

I'm sorry to read that your son didn't make CH - but you still have Reed's and Gordon's and I think you said in a previous post that you would be applying for Richmond secondaries as a back-up? Perhaps you could ring around some boarding preps as suggested but maybe you don't need to do anything until Feb/March when the offers are out; there would still be time to find a day prep for years 7 & 8 especially if you're able to pay half fees.

Hi ,

Had a chance to calm down over the weekend , am not going to pursue CH appeal , but would like some feedback ie did he flunk it or was it just there were people better on the day then we know where we are going forward.

I have been contacted by the bursar of Gordon's so maybe there's a small flicker of hope there as presuming if he was miles down the list they wouldn't bother to even start the process am waiting for the admissions to call me back to give me an indication ( seriously I don't know how I'm holding my job down at the moment all I'm thinking about is blinking schools !! Am so glad I only have the one !!)

I did fill out the caf ? Form as Gordon's is state boarding so needed to put it in . But got that interview looming at reids in 2 weeks have no idea what format it will take might right and speak to the admissions to try and glean some more info so I can try and be a bit prepared don't want to let the side down. :(

On the up side court on Friday am hoping that Gordon's can indicate before then so at least I've got something to offer so to speak but we shall see.

phew ........ Roll on march

Good luck OP I hope you get a place at one of the schools your trying for.

Did you name any local state schools as a back up ? Fees at Gordon's are still significant so you'd need some bursary to fund that, assuming ds got a place.

yes I would apply for a bursary but I am working so would still have to find something BUT I think I said in my earlier post I found out that if you have a child in state boarding ie not charging for education you can claim some of it as ''childcare' under tax credits and before I get shot down in flames I don't make the rules a parent mentioned it who was claiming and at the time I didn't believe it but rang tax credits 'just in case ' and it is actually true you can claim tax credits towards the cost of state boarding fees, again just to clarify I didn't say it was right but apparently it is ok .

but you can't rely on tc - rules change every year and it won't be the £13k or so (which will increase year on year) you are then committed to for 5/7 years. Did you apply for any other state schools , perhaps one you are more likely to get a place at ?

am guessing the bursary is means tested every year but what I do know are tax credits are here to stay for at least the next 3/4 years as I work in welfare reform and If I have to go to one more meeting about the doomed universal credit I'll scream !!' But yes goalposts can move so will keep that in mind .

if daddy contributed his half I wouldn't need to apply as I could manage half the fees £2250 per term but heaven forbid he pull his belt in and pay his part he seems to think everything is covered by his miserly £50 pw child support.

Gordons wouldn't be able to confirm a place until March 2014 as they are bound by the admission rules of the LEA. Have you been able to read the admission criteria as it does state they only take 32 weekly/full boarders out of an average of 400 applicants.

Yes , they only have 16 boys boarding places which is nothing but they are happy to 'indicate ' if you are likely to get an offer as if you need to apply for a bursary you need an interview / home visit and lots of yet more forms to fill in which I'm presuming takes time.
its the day places which are over subscribed apprently they have had 300 odd day app for 68 places am waiting for them to confirm the situation with boarding This week now applications are now closed.
Am in the middle of just reading up on Turing house may start a new thread but haven't seen much about it especially as its supposed to be opening in less than 12 months.