Tearing my hair out over State boarding

[Teddingtonmum1]

As I'm a single mum with a demanding job , I have decided to look into state boarding preferably weekly if I can get my ds a place . Christs hospital is my number 1 choice due to the bursary and it's a great school ( my brother is an old blue so slightly biased ) am also looking at RAAs in Reigate and Gordon's in Woking got open days at both saturday and next thursday out of the 2 would prefer Gordon's as a fall back if we cant get into CH , but have been advised that I can claim tax credits towards the 'childcare ' bill .

Have quizzed Gordon's as to chances of getting in I live in teddington so the right side of London but they said it obviously depends on siblings etc .( no really fair if you only have one can see why there's sibling priority in primary but not at secondary as kids get themselves to school but those are the rules ) am a little hopeful to read someone got in last year from east London ? any thoughts about gordons ??? im just about tearing my hair out as need a boarding place otherwise my sond going to be forced to become a latch key kid which I don't want HELP !!!!

Teddingtonmum1 I assume you have made a state application in case your ds doesn't get into CH? I wouldn't base your opinion of the Teddington school only on an Open Day. Go back and see it in action on a normal school day and get a pupil-guided tour. If you based your opinion on Open Day at my dc's school, you would probably never set foot in the place again! It is like a zoo, mainly due to the fact that it IS so good and sought-after that people come from all over to the Open Evening.

Actually, if your ex had taken up your offer and moved to Twickenham for 18 months, where was your son going to go to school then? In the school that you now don't want to consider? All very confusing.

no his dad would have moved into the catchment of orleans park so ds would have then moved in with his dad as we would have been co parenting.

Actually the initial assessment tests look for potential - they do not use common entrance, it is highly competitative about 4 applicants per place, if not more.

If you get presentation then you don't go via the competitive route at all.

I honestly would have preferred my dc not to have gone to CH but the local school really was THAT bad and the bursary received was huge. I also didn't want to consider bursary for local inde school because we live in such a very wealthy area it would have been very difficult socially I think.

So do you swap between co-parenting and estranged according to what schools you can get into? This scenario seems odder by the moment.

The actual needs of your son seem to me to be at the bottom of the list

This decision making process is sounding more and more odd and irrational. Teddington has the local reputation for being the tighter more disciplined ship. Perhaps that is why Teddington gets better results. The good rating from Ofsted was back in 2009 but had many outstanding features including the behaviour of pupils, with the improvement in results there is little doubt it will get outstanding at the next inspection.

%5 A-C (including English and Maths) Teddington 74% OP 70%
Number of students with 8 or more A*/ A Teddington 21% OP 17%

Both were oversubscribed on first preference by 5 pupils for every place, so local parents clearly don't share your prejudice.

Surely most of your DS's friends at primary will be hoping for places at Teddington if they are not in the tutoring factories being prepped for Tiffin / private schools.

With odds against you getting all the ducks in a row to get a boarding place you can afford it seems odd to discount a good popular school on the basis of a packed open day, or to be proposing your ex gets a property in the other catchment.

If moving is an option then why not move to the catchment for Gordons, as commutable as Horsham and you have far more chance of a day boarding place on distance than a weekly / full boarding place on the basis of boarding need. My friend also a single working mother did that and it worked well, and her three bedroom terraced house cost a lot less than just about any property in Teddington, one of the most affluent and sought after areas of London (partly because of the schools).

I'm a single parent looking for a boarding place for ds when he goes to senior school. Partly because ds wants to board and partly because, like the OP, I work long hours and I don't want ds left to his own devices for several hours every evening. After school clubs are fine but they finish early and there is no provision if you are late collecting.

Ds currently does some boarding nights at his prep school and the advantage there is on the nights he comes home it doesn't matter if I'm late collecting him. I've previously used a childminder and an after school club and there is nothing worse than the pressure of trying to get back by a particular time to collect and being late and finding your child is the last one to be collected.

Fwiw ds has been at two prep schools and neither insisted on having ds's father's signature even though one school provided a very large scholarship. I'm working on the basis that the same will be for senior school. If it isn't and the school insists that both parents sign having had an explanation as to why ds has no contact with his father than it won't be the right school for ds and I'll look elsewhere.

Something doesn't hang together here, I suspect there is a very different side to this story being told by a father in North London.

I think Portofino has summed it up, I wish your son every happiness and hope he does not become separated from his father. It's a long and expensive commute between North London and CH, I really hope that isn't part of the attraction.

I think portfinos comments are really unnecessary my sons safety and happiness comes first , unless of course everyone thinks that it's fine for an 11 year old to come home to an empty house every day 5 days a week , my work location changes every 3/6 months I'm local til Xmas but then I could be back in the city or out of London which means longer travelling its because I care that I'm looking into boarding I have an ex partner who hasn't even bothered to come to 1 open day I've done it all so his hardly the victim here.

Bisjo
CH apparently asks for both parents to sign I'm guessing on offer of a place as they took the application and he has his place for the assessment so far so good .

If the OP's son is happy to board then I don't think her application sounds odd at all; the opportunities at Christ's Hospital look amazing and their GCSE results are 71% A*- A which is a massive step up from Teddington's 21%. Horsham isn't very far from London. It might not suit my children but I have several friends with demanding jobs (and estranged husbands) and childcare can be a nightmare for them.

Bisjo, I've found that a lot of prep schools accept one parents signature and one parents financial details on bursary applications and take it on board that having divorced the parents have difficulties communicating.
Moving to secondary level, I've so far found 2 schools in the surrey/sussex area who don't ask for a 2nd signature. Others will accept registration forms with one signature but as I was told by CH they require both signatures on any subsequent admission forms or bursary applications. I think its due to parental responsibility laws and them not wanting to get involved in often hostile and protracted legal battles. When a child has no contact at all the rules are different. OP ex has a contact order specifying the minimum amount of contact, which means essentially that if her son goes to CH then she would be deemed 'in breach' of the contact order, hence the need then for a specific issues order.Also parental responsibility means that the other parent has a right to their views on the childs education amongst other things. Its worth speaking to individual schools, some have blanket rules others will bend for individual cases.

Thanks for you kind words clavinova was beginning to feel like some kind of monster .....

Clavinova I completely respect Teddingtonmums reasons for wanting her son to go to CH but she really is kidding herself if she thinks she doesn't need a fallback. Her son may not get through the selection process, the bursary she is offered may not be sufficient and the process of negotiation / gaining a court order to override her DPs wishes may not be successful. She is applying to Gordons but can't afford the boarding fees, and boarding is offered there with a particular mission which is to help those in military or public service who are overseas or otherwise in need of state boarding . It really is odd and irrational to reject out of hand the certainty of a place at a high performing comprehensive. Christs selects so of course it's GCSE results are better but Teddington top sets also get strings of A*/ As (including several of DDs' friends) . There her DS will join the DCs of many working parents in similar positions. I know only too well the challenges faced by working parents with a limited financial capacity to pay for "ideal" childcare and unfortunately there is no option but to make compromises. The OP is no more entitled to exactly the schooling and care she wants for her DS than any of the other parents in exactly the same situation.

Sorry - but that is no small bit of drip feeding. You have made clear that after school club was perfectly sufficient up til now. You say that your dh is estranged but your ds still spends weekends with him. If he had moved where you wanted him to, then your ds would have lived with him - not sure if you mean REALLY live with him, or "live" with him to get a school place. It all sounds really odd, and nowhere in this are you talking about what your son wants.

And I speak as someone with a FT demanding job who will face the end of after school care and have to think about how to manage the early years of secondary myself.

Portfino
My ex estranged from me not his son !!! , he went to court for a contact order so if that doesn't illustrate estranged I don't know. It's for every parent to decide wat they are happy with its not like my ds even has a sibling to keep him company.

SAP when I was at teddington they were advertising at the open day that only 33% get A or A* in maths as I said everyone is entitled to their opinion it's just not for me . Going to Gordons next week for the open day I know they only have 40 boarding places so will speak to someone to see If there's even a chance as they say you have to be in it to win it .....

OP, DO you have a fallback state option if you don't get either boarding school - which seems quite likely? Also, I'm not sure what is so awful about 33% A-A in Maths in a non-selective school. If there is e.g. a 6 form entry that means two entire sets getting A or A. My ds's are at a non-selective comp with a very mixed intake. There will be lots of kids who won't perform very well in maths but DS1 is in the top set and all of the top two sets are cracking along and will get A* and As, barring a disaster. The speed at which the other sets may be working doesn't impact on them at all.

teddingtonmum yet Orleans is for you, enough even to move your ex into the catchment to get a place for your DS, though it gets 30% A*/A in Maths

unexpected 196 in year at Teddington so near enough 65 pupils getting A/A in Maths, 31 pupils get 10 or more A/A

You should be aware that there is a much bigger cohort coming out of Year 6 next year, it is the start of the London pupil bulge, if you do not include Teddington in your preferences in an on time application there is a strong chance that not just Orleans but Twickenham Academy, Turing and St RR will fill up with people closer to the schools (or in St RRs case Catholics) and your only option will be Richmond Park, improving but a miserable lonely journey for your son.

Why can't you employ a childminder after school rather than have all this angst. ? You must have some money available? Most working parents at state schools do this and the children go to the childminder's house together from the local school. Works in my area!

Have you looked at Reeds School? Not state but generous with bursaries. Perhaps you need to spread your search wider and make one of your first questions along the lines of "would you still award a bursary if DS's father refuses to fill in the forms"

What does DS want to do?

Many secondary age children let themselves in after school. I doubt this will be anywhere near sufficient a reason to qualify as 'need for boarding' for a state place.

What percentage of pupils get A/A* in maths at the schools you're so set on, OP?

Badger - Reeds accept this for foundationer places (know this as currently going through their process) as these places are specifically for boys whose parents are divorced etc. Think they also have a bus from teddington.
I'm not slating you OP, just aware that through talking with CH what their requirements are and how difficult it may be to get court dates to match up with assessment dates etc (I have an ex who even tried to block ds going to the assessment at Reeds so believe me I understand!)

Thanks badgers / Labro will call reeds and see how the land lies

Spoke to Gordon's this morning they actually only have 16 boarding places for boys and 16 for girls which was far fewer than I thought but when I spoke to admission they said whilst oversubscribed most people want the day places and it's still worth applying so I'm still going to the open day which has now been moved to the 24 th due to the teachers strike.

I've spoke to a number of childminders and they have all said they won't take an 11 year old , the twickenham after school club I got sent a few posts ago I will def have a look at . I know people were against the gov proposal to extend the school day but I'm all for it !!!.