How do I ask why I'm not in the wedding party??

[Venturica]

This is my first time posting here and I'm really just looking for some advice.

My only brother gets married next year to his fiance who has been part of our family for the last decade she's Aunt to my only daughter and we see each other every other weekend for a family dinner.

Neither she nor my brother have communicated with me around details of the wedding I found out I wasn't going to be invited to be part of the wedding party when she mentioned that my daughter was to be a junior bridesmaid and she would have only two others (both of whom are her friends whom she has known about half the time she's known me.) She is estranged from her own sister so I understand why she is not part of the wedding party.

But I don't understand why when our cousin has been asked to be best man, my daughter is a junior bridesmaid and everyone else in our immediate close family has a role in their wedding I am a guest. Just a guest.

They have literally asked me to do nothing for their wedding. We get on really well, we are a family that spends time together Christmases, birthdays, weekends holidays.

So I don't understand why I'm the only one who has no role in their wedding.

Literally cousins who the bride is never met and my brother hasn't seen in decades are guests at their wedding just like me.

It's probably silly to be so upset about this but I honestly don't know how to talk to them about it and tell them how upsetting this is.

I'm questioning every interaction she and I have ever had! Wondering if it's cause I'll ruin the Instagrammability of their wedding pictures! Or if this is a sign of things to come, will I not be allowed to see any future nieces of nephews? 😢😢

@Venturica

Honestly, *@Notonthestairs* the brides family is a mess to be honest.

Her parent are getting divorced, shortly after it was announced her father attempted to take his own life. This was just before Christmas. They were understandably nervous about leaving him alone in such a fragile state, so I pressed hard for our parents to include him in our Christmas Day festivities.

I keep trying to talk to her about what the plans would be, but honestly it feels chilly every time I do. I just want to be part of their day as I'm part of their life.

I get that my being hairdresser and chauffeur to my daughter is perhaps supposed to be a backhanded way of including me. But honestly, I really thought we were closer than that.

I now question literally every interaction she and I have ever had in the decade we have known each other. 😢

You need to have a look at your behaviour. She's obviously having a hard time at the moment- she doesn't need you throwing a tantrum over not being asked to be a bridesmaid. You're acting like a child who hasn't got their own way. She can choose whoever she wants.

By being the grooms sister, you are already part of the "wedding party", being a bridesmaid just means wearing an expensive dress, that you'll likely never wear again, and running around catering to the whims of the bride. Enjoy being a guest! Enjoy your brothers wedding.