On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

[LittleLadyCece]

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

I'm missing something in this post. You're a good person and uou don't deserve what? A daughter who doesn't want a shower and another who wants you to take her to the games room?

So 10 year old has been in pool all day...but still needs to shower? If she has been in pool all day she won't smell of bo just chlorine ? Teenagers are always misery guts /difficult. Tell them you arent going to games room full stop. Get firm. Tough luv & all that. Big hugs to you.

People always say they brought all their kids up the same .. Yadda... yadda-but thst just isnt true!, can you think of one family you know where the eldest, middle and youngest sre all treatrd the same, not only the family position, but also personality maked a difference to how they are parented and their relationship with each parent.

Girls can be absolutely little shits to their mothers until they leave puberty well behind them. They know just how to press your buttons. Firm boundaries, OP, and dump them on your DH when it all gets too much. When he gets back, tell him it's your turn for some time alone and leave him to it.

Given them options for activities/meals etc and they've just shrug their shoulders and said "'I dunno'
I DESPAIR

Responses: 'Well, if you still don't know what you want, then I'll choose for you, because you're tuned out so much, my patience is wearing thin and I'm not wasting my holiday. We're doing this (maybe also - while YOU'RE doing something else, occasionally).

Next year, long weekend in the UK, possibly with a friend, with a pep talk beforehand. But a bit like a holiday with a preschooler - trying to make it really special and ideal is too much to ask. They'll be most taken with something you could probably have found at home, perhaps literally at home.

Neither of these things are your kids being really mean to you though? Do you have some better examples?

I have tried to learn to lower my expectations of holidays & how people behave. Don’t worry about the shower, dd can go to the games room when you’re ready etc. Take turns with dh to read by the pool in peace.

I think you're making a mountain out if a molehill, the 10yo can remain unshowered, the 15yo can be told no. Maybe just find a minute to apologise to the friend. Get your book and join your husband.

Huh? How is this relevant?

It's NOT YOUR FAULT!!
Having teenagers is EXCRUCIATING at times. It feels like you love them and get nothing back.
You're all probably over heated, overcrowded and over tired.
Hope things are improving 🙏

😳

Sorry for this frustrating situation you are in. You may be thinking you are giving your children everything you possibly can and they are ungrateful and spoiled. Is that what they want though really really what they want because of course the kids want the stuff and pretty things etc but … In my opinion the most precious and wanted thing for your children is you taking time to do something with them. Taking interest in them. Go to pool with them, play badminton with them or whatever else games they like playing. Maybe the children have too much of everything else but not enough of their parents’ time and genuine attention and doing something together? Having fun together is what bonds so maybe change your family approach a little. I am not saying find some events for kids to go like a lot of parents do these days. Just find some activities around where you are or plan to do something together. Maybe karaoke with your favourite songs in your hotel room or a little party to dance to with their and yours music etc. or a bike ride? Don’t know you and your family so just guessing that maybe they just need your attention. In any case, all the best.

I think holidays are hard work! The eldest DD may want a break from her friend maybe? wants to chill out with mum .Holidays are a time to relax and chill .If 10 year old doesnt want a shower thats cool .You have worked hard and given them a chance to relax so do the same!Tell older DD you will come in a minute, and go and relax with her in the games room ,DH to take younger one .

Sorry but this what parenting teenagers is like. I remember one trip to Cephalonia with two DD aged 14 and 16 who were sullen. The whole time, only wanted to find an internet cafe to message their friends and refused to join in any trips/activities. I was tearing my hair out. But they do grow up! Good luck!

These 'all the family' holidays are nearly always a nightmare. They seem to bring out the worst in people as everyone, including kids, seems to think 'this is My Holiday'.
I only made this mistake once & it still brings me out in a sweat & counts well in the top five Worst Weeks of My Life.
All you can do is grit your teeth, get through it, get home. When the subject of holidays comes up again, lay down the law to your kids &, especially, your husband.

They are on mumsnet

In RL, not so much

I'm wondering the reason that 15 wants to go to the games room first with mum - does she need to have a private chat about something, away from the friend and rest of the fam? If it's the first time she has had a friend along on a fam hol, perhaps she is a bit overwhelmed and needs to debrief a bit? If you can, maybe explore it with her....

I bet this poor friend is messaging her own mum

“having a horrible time, can I come home early?”

As it turned out, neither were princes. But good thought.