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School holidays

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On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

219 replies

LittleLadyCece · 22/08/2025 15:39

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

OP posts:
sussexman · 22/08/2025 17:54

Bathingforest · 22/08/2025 17:33

Yes, western men. When my husband was alive, one word an angry glance would put my children in line

This is what we haven't in the west, the fathers, the men , the manly guys who are manned up without being violent.

The Father's job is to impose discipline and intimidate kids into line? Does that mean it's Mum's to dispense hugs, cook and keep house? IMO, all the parents in the kids' lives (mums, dads, partners) are on the hook for bringing up the kids and modelling what it means to live in a relationship and run a home.

InfoSecInTheCity · 22/08/2025 17:57

Block them out, finish your shower and leave them to whinge at each other or thin air. When you have composed yourself sit them down and lay out how the rest of the holiday will go, make clear it’s your holiday too, that whining and going off on one will result in you walking away and them not getting whatever it is they’re wanting. They are old enough to be left at the pool, or in the games room, or in the room for a bit while you go and do something else. The 10 year old probably should shower but he’s not going to get ill or be irrevocably damaged if he doesn’t so I just wouldn’t fight that battle. I’d ask him once to shower, point out he will likely end up itchy sweaty and smelly if he doesn’t and then leave him to it. If he ends up itchy, sweaty and smelly then he’ll hopefully learn a lesson.

limetrees32 · 22/08/2025 18:00

Nothing but sympathy from me @LittleLadyCece .

I can understand why you called yourself a good person ..it's that feeling of "I've done my level best etc ,this isn't fair ,oh and I bet it's somehow my fault that my children are being like this "

It is hard work being away and it can take it out of everyone .You'll be looking back on it in the future and embarrassing your kids with the memory .

Hope it's all calmed down .
You don't deserve this .

NewsdeskJC · 22/08/2025 18:00

Let them get on with it.
I had a friend who took her 14 year old DD to Whistler skiing. Cost a fortune. She refused to leave the hotel room and spent 7 days watching 21 kids and counting, whilst surrounded by snow and breathtaking views.
The DD has been enthusiastic before hand and had done ski lessons specially.
Mum can laugh about it now, but it took a good 15 years to get to that point.....
They are old enough to come to not harm. Leave them to it.

limetrees32 · 22/08/2025 18:06

teenagers ,eh !

CoralOP · 22/08/2025 18:07

These just seem like non issues and nothing to get stressed or upset over 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

WhiteNoiseBlur · 22/08/2025 18:08

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Just because your life is shit doesn’t mean other people can’t be struggling with their day-to-day lives. I get what you’re saying, but just because OP doesn’t have cancer doesn’t mean she isn’t entitled to a shit day

Crazyworldmum · 22/08/2025 18:08

I feel this way at times , specially on special occasions as holidays, Christmas etc . I think we here we “ failed “ is we probably gave our kids to much attention . They are to entitled

EdisinBurgh · 22/08/2025 18:09

Just ignore them?

If it’s not life or death and it’s not bothering anyone else, let it go and put yourself first.

Trn year old can stay chloriney until they learn it’s nicer to shower for themselves. If they’re not bothered why are you?

Tell 15 year old to buzz off.

Go and make yourself scarce in the bar or do what your husband is doing.

SchrodingersParrot · 22/08/2025 18:10

crumblingschools · 22/08/2025 15:52

Has DD fallen out with her friend? How come your DH can just walk away from it?

That was my first thought too.

beencaughttrollin · 22/08/2025 18:11

I doubt they're misbehaving because you're a bad person; it'll be more that they're too immature to handle their ups and downs like adults combined with not really understanding that they're not the centre of the universe and that parents need holidays too.

One option would be to tell the 15yos to take the 10yo with them to the games room and scope it out. Then they can tell you about it over dinner and if it seems fun you'll go along with them next time. Then take your shower and whatever else you have to do in peace. If your husband is leaving you to do the bulk of the parenting then there may be built-up resentment that's making you despair even when the immediate issue is not really THAT serious. But if he's just saying leave them to it, he may have a point. I wouldn't want to force the 10yo to shower as long as she knows why she SHOULD - although it's reasonable to have and enforce a rule that she showers before bed. If you do need to put the smackdown on anyone (10yo continues to refuse to shower and smells unpleasant so that others notice, or 15yo continues to whine incessantly) then you're going to need a united parental front.

TartanTwit · 22/08/2025 18:13

Park yourself with your husband and let them get on with it. I agree the shower is not the battleground worth picking, on holiday, after a day in a pool.

Northerngirl821 · 22/08/2025 18:16

If you haven’t raised your kids to be respectful and understand boundaries then it is your fault really, sorry to say. By 10 and 15 they should understand that no means no. Where is your husband in all of this and why does he get a free pass to go and relax while you sort everything out?

Chairings · 22/08/2025 18:20

I think so often women do so much, try so hard, and are hurt when zero appreciation comes their way only attitude.

You can love your children to bits and be a good parent, but not accept excessive attitude from them.....a liitle yes as they assert themselves, but definitely not crossing the line.

My kids tell me I am a yes parent, always wanted the best for them and said yes to the things they wanted to do and experience.

BUT they knew where that line was.

A few times over the teen years I instigated a zero tolerance atmosphere, no lifts, wifi, treats, no baking, no cooking, no junk food, money, and a general attitude of "don't ask me for ANYTHING as the answer will be NO".

They weren't long getting their shit together, cleaning rooms and adopting a major attitude adjustment.

They didn't like zero tolerance mum.
I did far too much for them, they were far too comfortable, am too good a cook and baker.
Humans only adjust their behaviour through pure self interest, teens particularly so.

Making life less comfortable is the most effective parenting tool, far more effective than shouting IMO.

OP, start looking after yourself more and them less.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 22/08/2025 18:20

Do what they used to do in the old days. Retire to your bed with a migraine.

StellaLaBella · 22/08/2025 18:21

Chairings · 22/08/2025 16:24

I have reared 4 normal children and seen a LOT.

You accept bullshit from them, you will get more.

We teach them how to treat us.

Mine have treated me well because I wouldn't accept anything less.

Stop being nice.
Stop being soft.
Stop being tolerant.
Do nothing for them.
Stop any money.
Tell them both that you will not tolerate their bullshit any longer and that the consequences for their behaviour will be something they won't forget.
Tell them no money, no phone packages, no wifi, no lifts, no junk food.

Tell your husband to get off his arse and parent.

Stop playing nice. With some children it just makes them think they can walk all over you.

If her friend is uncomfortable, ask her would she prefer to go home? Then take her.
Maybe that is the shock your daughter needs.

I don't get the bringing a friend either on family holidays.
Just not something we would do.
Its only a couple of weeks, kids can survive with siblings.

Oh and total agree with others, let her stink if it gives you peace.

Edited

Could've written this myself, exactly what we did. And I'm the soft one. My DH would've given them both the Alex Ferguson hairdryer treatment by now and then fucked off to the pool with his book. Teens are gonna teen which means they can and will be arsey, but the 10yo is also watching and learning, and behaving the same because clearly there's no consequences.

Sometimes they need good metaphorical kick up the arse in order to reboot. You're not doing yourself any favors by allowing them to carry on like this. You can imagine what the friend will be telling her parents, cringing for you.

diddl · 22/08/2025 18:25

So what happened Op?

I think I'd have told the teen to go ahead & I'd join them both when I was ready.

!0yr old could shower or not as they wanted but might get irritated due to the chlorine.

It seems a lot of drama that could have easily been solved-also by their dad who could have told them the same thing!

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 22/08/2025 18:25

SerafinasGoose · 22/08/2025 16:21

I 💘this post!

Being verbally abusive to a 15-year-old and then ganging up with the prick of a DH who walked away and left OP to deal? Nah.

80smonster · 22/08/2025 18:27

We left our 8 year old DD with her granny, whilst me and DH went on holiday, best holiday we’ve had in years. 8 years to be precise. Holidaying with kids is basically working abroad.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 22/08/2025 18:40

@LittleLadyCece, here is another point of view for you to ponder, but obviously, if it doesn't suit you or your family's dynamics, then please just ignore me!

I would say to my 10 year old that I was suggesting she has a shower so that she feels comfortable, because Chlorine left in her hair will make it feel sticky and itchy, and she might get some spots on her skin as well, if it reacts to the harsh chlorine.

Then I would remind her that I am on holiday too, and need to be able to unwind and relax, so you are relaxing a lot of the rules that you have at home, whiich will also give her a chance to show that now she is in double figures she shouldn't need 24 hour supervision, so this is a chance for her to make some safe low level mistakes and successes for herself, as that can be a very effective learning tool. You would obviously need to let her know of any firm rules that cannot be broken OP, like just going out without asking first is not a rule that is going to be relaxed for quite a few years yet! Oh, and of course remind her that you and dad are always there if she is overly worried about something.

As for your 15 year old, explain to her quietly and gently, but also firmly, that you deserve a holiday too, and that quite frankly you don't know what has got into her. Ask her if she has fallen out with her friend over something, and if she has, see if you can help the two of them call a truce?

But whatever the outcome is to whether she and her friend are alright with each other, and if, presumably, your DD actually wanted her friend to come on holiday with you all (that you and the friend's mum hadn't concocted the idea of the friend coming on holiday with you as a way for you and friend's mum to have them out of your hair(s) for a week or two!), that your DD at 15 years old, is the one who should be acting as the main host for her friend, whilst reminding DD (that unless her friend practically lives at your home during a normal school week and the holidays) that her friend is probably feeling a little shy and awkward, as she may feel that she can't just ask you - friend's mum - or your 'in the doghouse' DH, for an ice-cream, or a soda - if allowed whilst on holiday - or she might think that she couldn't say, if she didn't feel happy at the evening's entertainment, as she was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.

I presume that your DD's friend is 15 as well, and if so, then I think that the holiday without her family around her - but while still being in a safe place - would hopefully be a positive learning tool for her? However, I still think that all of you, but particularly you (as the mother figure) and your DD as the host, have a responsible part to play in helping the friend enjoy her holiday.

I am sure that your 2 DDs are usually lovely, but they are both old enough now to be influenced by 'outside of the family events' which may start having more of an impact on them, and as you are all growing out of the encompassing and protective bubble that most of us probably live in while away with our young children, this holiday might turn out to be more of a catalyst than anyone expected. If everyone could try to "chill-out" a little more, that would hopefully help quite a lot, and if you and DH could come to an agreement that on alternate day/nights, you can each have an hour or two to yourselves (ie. It's your turn tomorrow evening), that might give you both a little boost as something to look forward to after a day of having 'fun' altogether!

I really hope that everything has settled down by now OP (this has taken me ages to type on my phone's keyboard, in fact your whole holiday might be over by now!), and that you are all having a great time xxx

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2025 18:41

She’s 15 and has a friend. Tell her no to games room

been in a pool all day so clean - hair wash be nice due to chlorine and need conditioner if like my dd - but pick your battles

go and join dh

half showered ? Why

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 22/08/2025 18:44

80smonster · 22/08/2025 18:27

We left our 8 year old DD with her granny, whilst me and DH went on holiday, best holiday we’ve had in years. 8 years to be precise. Holidaying with kids is basically working abroad.

I hope that you also took your DD and granny on a - UK seaside - holiday after you got back from yours?

Driftingawaynow · 22/08/2025 18:49

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PinkyFlamingo · 22/08/2025 18:54

What has being "a good person" got to do with it?

ormiwtbte · 22/08/2025 18:54

I couldn't be bothered with trying to make the shower. Offer her a choice of showering and rinsing off the chlorine or not showering and not rinsing off the chlorine and therefore risking her skin becoming irritated.

As for the 15 year old, I couldn't be doing with that either. "I'm showering right now. Go to the games room with your friend and I'll join later or you can stay here but it doesn't change the fact I'm showering now and not available". Lock bathroom door. Ignore.