On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

[LittleLadyCece]

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

Say NO OP and mean it.
Eldest can go with her friend and you join them for a bit later.
Youngest will do as told. Your DH should be seeing to that while you get ready. He cannot just leave.....

Let the first one be dirty. You can make the recommendation to shower but not worth the battle. It's them that will feel crappy.

The older one tell her no and if she doesn't start behaving she won't ever be having a friend away with you again. To show some gratitude and patience

I have no answers - but my three are ratbags to me. No idea why. I’m cracking down on it - zero tolerance - at the moment but not ideal time for you to do that as you’re on holiday

Don't entertain it. Go shower yourself, get ready then tell the girls that you're going for dinner at x time and anyone who isn't washed and ready will be left behind and you'll bring them back a pot noodle.

Say no to the games room, you'll go at Y time, but not right now as you're busy and just walk away from any tantrums about it.

I think this is the heart of the issue. Op is taking everything personally. Holidays have tough moments. It’s not a reflection on anyone’s parenting. Teens and pre-teens have their ups and downs.

Dont take it personally @LittleLadyCece - it just makes everything so much more emotional and difficult. I wonder if part of the issue is that the extended family are around? An extra set of eyes we perceive to be watching and judging.

Holidays, bloody awful. You don;t deserve this. What were your expectations, how can you salvage something.

Holidays can be tough - everyone out of routine, some are comfortable with changes others are not. I always drop my standards on holiday - so what if the kids don't shower after the pool, I'd suggest it not mandate it. I'd kindly suggest to you DD she needs a cool down in her room and not go to the games room if she's having a tantrum at 15. But try not to take it all on yourself do chill a bit.

, just tell her to fuck off, actually roar it at her*

That'll help.

Shower not important, don't make problems bigger than they need to be

Stop pandering to these whiney children.

Are you a soft parent OP? This sounds like every day normal shit in families. Don’t want to shower, suit yourself mate, go out looking skanky. Want to go to the games room NOW, absolutely not. I’m getting ready for the evening, go on your own or go with your mate when she’s ready.

I agree with some of the posters upthread. Why is everything getting dumped on you?

Book a nice weekend away (either with girlfriend or alone) and leave the kids with DH. See how he copes. And forget to take your phone ...

Many years ago I discovered the joys of solo travelling and never looked back.

Just sounds normal to me.
They're probably hangry.
Did you think teen girls were always easy?!

Be brutal, OP. You brought along dd15’s friend so they have company, you are not needed. Her poor friend must be horribly embarrassed. I too would send dd10 to the pool, who cares if she doesn’t shower all week? Alternative, ask your parents to entertain her or her big sister can take her to the games room.

Currently on holiday and I think my kids have had about a shower a week max...they've been in pool all day, so hair dry and brittle so not greasy and any odour washed off!

My kids have alternated over two weeks either best mates or bickering and winding each other up terribly! V tiresome. Showers not an argument i can be bothered to have!!

Yeah. That’s just awful. I don’t know anyone who would speak to their child, or anyone else, like that.

Tell the 15 yo her and her friend can go anywhere in the resort they like as long as they're back by X time. Then after dinner they go to the games room or wherever else again. She doesn't need you with her!

As for the 10 yo, take them down to the pool and leave them with dad. Then go to a bar and have a nice quiet drink alone! X

I took that as tongue in cheek!

You need to be more secure in your own judgement, and care less about what your daughters think.

You know you're being reasonable, you don't need your children to confirm it to you. You've told your older daughter "no, not right now" - objectively that's perfectly reasonable, even if she decides to have a strop about it. Sometimes kids are in a grump/unreasonable/downright rude, and that can be their problem, not yours.

Try and emotionally remove yourself a bit more (maybe physically remove yourself if necessary- your kids aren't little). If your own mood is heavily dependent on the mood of a teenager, you will often be miserable.

ETA - sorry I've just reread my post and it sounds much grumpier than I intended! It was meant to be supportive - you can release yourself from bearing the weight of responsibility for everyone else's mood.

I'm confused about half showered too. Not only having visions of the OP having to get out of the shower mid ablutions but that she then decided to start a thread on here rather than finishing the shower!

Yes, western men. When my husband was alive, one word an angry glance would put my children in line

This is what we haven't in the west, the fathers, the men , the manly guys who are manned up without being violent.

😁

Why not? Is t going to kill em. Pick your battles. She’ll be the one to regret it and maybe learn a lesson.

Think you’ll find most of the posters think DH has the right idea and OP should join him.

You must know very very few people then.