On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

[LittleLadyCece]

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

That poster claimed to have “learned not to be a complete twat”. I was using the same language to point out that wasn’t the case.

”She’s not having a shit day, she’s being a total drama queen
And frankly fuck off telling me my life is shit. My life is beautiful because I appreciate every moment of it and have learned not to be a complete twat over such utterly minor irritations”

Maybe there are intimidating kids in the games room?

Ok, it just seems a bit confrontational! Perhaps disagreement is more accurate.

Head for the bar, get p*ssed and act like you don't know them!

Not many interpret a parent using the expression “battle” as anything aside from the normal ebb and flow of teen dramas

Are you on day 3 or 4? I always get like this on those days! It takes that amount of time for me to chill out and acclimatise.

Op please don’t blame yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. Your teen is being a teen and your youngest is copying her.

They’ve been swimming and have had lots of sun. They are probably tired and a bit hungry.

You’re right you don’t deserve this but don’t dwell on that or the dc will smell weakness 😄😆

This probably comes too late but I would order everyone a drink from room service or ask your dh to bring some to you from the bar. Alcohol for you and soft drinks for the dc. That will distract them.

Finish getting ready, sip your drink, and while doing so, invite your eldest to come and talk to you privately and have a calm chat. Is she having issues with her friend? Why is she behaving so immaturely? Does she need reminding about what hosting a friend involves? Does she know that her younger sister is watching her behaviour and copying it? Is she ok? Be sympathetic but don’t be brow beaten.

The younger one I would tell her to get dressed and not to blame you if she gets itchy skin from the chlorine in the pool.

In all seriousness, please have confidence in yourself that you are a good mum and you aren’t doing anything particularly wrong. Don’t let them beat you down because that won’t help them or you. Teens test us and watch how we handle the challenge. They do so in order to feel safe, so they can carrying on developing away from us 💐

Right, it didn't seem to be used when mine were teens, but language changes.
No biggie.

So you basically did to that poster what you didn’t like that poster did to the Op

ok

You have a DH problem.

Why not leave them all to get on with it?

What a load of unmitigated bollocks. Actually the world - and women and girls in particular - need less of the manly, macho, alpha man, toxic masculinity shit that is popular with certain types. Ruling by fear is a poor way to parent.

I have a manly, macho, "one angry word" man as a father and had a kind, gentle, generous man for a grandfather. I only really love one of them and it wasn't the "manly" one.

OP - do what I do when my two get too much and my husband floats around in the background not wanting a scene: go on strike. Tell them you've had enough, you're done with being a mum, you deserve to have a great holiday and from now on that's what you'll be doing. And then take yourself off for a walk, to the bar, to the pool, sit on the balcony and read... whatever floats your boat. Don't do anything for anyone other than yourself. They soon come round.

I have found that teen girls can be a fucking nightmare on holiday and there is usually a point when I have let mine know in no uncertain terms how fucking awful she was being and then metaphorically left the building. Mine has ADHD and can find change and fun things a bit of a challenge but at some point my patience goes and I erupt. My holidays save my sanity so I will take NO shit.

Surely it’s a simple case of pick your battles, if only to make your own holiday more enjoyable for yourself!

Of course put your foot down when it matters but both scenarios you’ve listed seem to be mole-hills rather than mountains.
Say to dc - ok don’t shower that’s your choice.
Older dc- say don’t be so silly, go on your own (with your friend) if you want to go, or you’ll just have to wait until I’m ready and want to go, but right now I’m busy 🤷‍♀️

This is probably what I'd do, however, op can't realistically be screaming 'fuck off' to her teen in front of another child.

Op you haven't done anything wrong. Kids are just little shits and most do not get the hard work and money that goes into holidays - sadly!!

What you can do is finish your shower and go and join your DH and have a drink and relax and think about yourself, not your children.
Your ten year old won't come to any harm if she doesn't shower.
Your 15 year old won't come to any harm if you just tell her 'No, I don't want to go to the games room'.
If they're 'being horrendous', just leave them. They're not toddlers who need watching all the time.

Oh OP I had a similar experience on holiday (minus bringing another child along for the torture). My teen behaved so badly that I couldn't wait to come home.

Other people suggest consequences but my kids literally don't care when I reduce pocket money or yell. The only thing they care about is electronic devices which they don't have on hols anyway.

Its frustrating when you were probably the one to organise the holiday, arrange the pet care, do a lot of the packing and then they not only show such ingratitude but they actively behave as badly as possible to make sure you can't relax either.

I swore next year I would go on holiday by myself.

Try and relax a little, children (and even some adults) can feel overwhelmed and be a bit grumpy on holiday.

Just pick your battles. What's the worst that will happen if your son doesn't have a shower? Let him stay smelling of chlorine for a night, it won't kill him.

Tell your daughter no and let her complaints wash over you (and lock the door to the shower). Treat her how you would a toddler making unreasonable demands, make soothing noises but don't give in to her demands.

Then have a large glass of wine with your dinner.

Yeah, it's clearly a joke! 🙄

I don’t get taking the friend on a holiday like this either. Holidays are excellent bonding time. Fair enough if it’s just you and you have an only child, but this seems to be a big family occasion and the friend being there changes the dynamic.
Your dd seems to want to hang out with you and not her friend? Does she want to spend time with you or talk to you about something?

Could not agree more !

Don't take other peoples children on holiday, sounds like this isn't hol for you.
Just disengage.
Tell
Dh to take I
Over.

I agree with this. Do you think you are catastrophising? Do you care if the 10 year old won't shower? Just leave her to it. The 15 year old is just pulling a strop. Is this the only strop she has had? If so, she is doing well for a 15 year old.

Agreed. I’m on holiday with my two daughters (8 and 11) (after my husband / their dad died nearly a year ago) and I’ve been admitted to hospital with a chest infection and feeling horrific. My two girls are having to deal with all the worry about me and seeing me have blood taken, be given fluids and oxygen etc, and being bored out of their minds sitting in the hospital cubicle.
I also consider myself a good person.

Best reply!