Page 8 | On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

LittleLadyCece · 2025-08-22T14:39:30+00:00

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool. Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold. my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do. sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

RigIt · 23/08/2025 19:47

Chairings · 22/08/2025 16:24

I have reared 4 normal children and seen a LOT.

You accept bullshit from them, you will get more.

We teach them how to treat us.

Mine have treated me well because I wouldn't accept anything less.

Stop being nice.
Stop being soft.
Stop being tolerant.
Do nothing for them.
Stop any money.
Tell them both that you will not tolerate their bullshit any longer and that the consequences for their behaviour will be something they won't forget.
Tell them no money, no phone packages, no wifi, no lifts, no junk food.

Tell your husband to get off his arse and parent.

Stop playing nice. With some children it just makes them think they can walk all over you.

If her friend is uncomfortable, ask her would she prefer to go home? Then take her.
Maybe that is the shock your daughter needs.

I don't get the bringing a friend either on family holidays.
Just not something we would do.
Its only a couple of weeks, kids can survive with siblings.

Oh and total agree with others, let her stink if it gives you peace.

Edited

This. You moan about how your children are behaving. You raised them. My DC would never have spoken to me like this or behaved like this because I didn’t tolerate it. At all, ever. I hear how some parents allow their children to behave and speak to them and they just let it go, then they wonder why they turn into horrible little shits who are rude or difficult or entitled or ungrateful. They don’t just turn out well by accident. Humans are naturally arseholes. You have to teach them not to be.

LaDamaDeElche · 23/08/2025 19:56

RigIt · 23/08/2025 19:47

This. You moan about how your children are behaving. You raised them. My DC would never have spoken to me like this or behaved like this because I didn’t tolerate it. At all, ever. I hear how some parents allow their children to behave and speak to them and they just let it go, then they wonder why they turn into horrible little shits who are rude or difficult or entitled or ungrateful. They don’t just turn out well by accident. Humans are naturally arseholes. You have to teach them not to be.

Show quote history

And there are plenty who turn into nice normal people and are horrible when they are teens. I have a friend who has three kids, all raised the same. One was a horrific teen and is a lovely young adult. One was fine as a teen and barely acknowledges the existence of her parents as a young adult and behaves like a teen in her early 20’s. The teen years hit hard for some and it’s not about what you would or wouldn’t put up with. For some the hormones hit hard and they are awful. Unless you’ve had one you have no idea.

Corfumanchu · 23/08/2025 19:57

Pliudev · 23/08/2025 19:27

Maybe the 15 Yr olds have fallen out? We took my DS's friend to France and they fell out on the way and never spoke again (ever). The 'friend' was affable and did everything right and that just made my DS worse, though now I think maybe the 'friend' was winding him up.. So glad it was only a long weekend. It seemed longer.
Detach OP.

Of course, it must have been the affable friend's fault, not your little prince!

thequeenoftarts · 23/08/2025 19:58

The word you are looking for is NO.
Your welcome lol
NO to the kid who wont shower, let her skin get itchy and her hair matted. Tell her if her hair is matted its getting shaved lol
As for the 15 year old, why does she want you to go with her?
At that age most 15 year olds would rather stay in than go anywhere with a parent

cavalier · 23/08/2025 20:04

It’s a nightmare with Teens and children who’s hormones are starting to kick off some
we’ve had this and we have always advised friends to expect a ruined holiday with teens
They are normal … we cramp their style …I always say leave them with responsible close adult family preferably if they are able to help because situations like yours are so common. Don’t worry this is totally normal. I had steam coming out of my ears with my kids quite often on holiday … but ……. Fast forward a few years after that it was weird not hearing “ Muuuuum can I have a drink please “ if we were in the pool at an apartment we often went to in Spain .. it was actually strange and kind of sad too believe it or not… they’re in their 30s now married with bubbies themselves so … it goes so quickly … I believe children / teens have far more pressures these days too …
It’s all normal .. don’t believe the ideal family rehetoric … it’s not true .. children know how to get to us lol…
Ask hubby to organise a family meeting or you’ll just be wasting your and money there .. it won’t hurt … so that everyone knows how you feel

Dweetfidilove · 23/08/2025 20:11

I will never understand how children are allowed to become so entitled and spoilt. There comes a point when you stop arguing, stop negotiating and the children start moving. This sounds utterly exhausting.
I'm not working hard and paying good money to be miserable on holiday.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 23/08/2025 20:11

If you’ve been in a pool you don’t need a shower . The pool in itself is cleansing
Frankly I’d Get headphones on ignore the teens and grab a book too

proseccoprincess612 · 23/08/2025 20:31

statetrooperstacey · 22/08/2025 16:10

I wouldnt entertain either of them. Tell her Ok don’t shower , you can go out covered in toddler piss and other peoples sun cream rinsed from their arsecrack. As for the older one , just tell her to fuck off, actually roar it at her then fuck off to the pool to also read/ drink cocktails. You and DH can bond over how horrible they are and when they appear , or not , you can present a united front.

Laughed at this way more than I should have sorry 😂😂

Lourdes12 · 23/08/2025 20:40

You mentioned they have all the love and attention they need but do they also have rules and boundaries?

JuniperKeats · 23/08/2025 20:42

Tether

Atsocta · 23/08/2025 20:48

Next year go away with a friend 😀 leave dear husband to handle his daughters

cestlavielife · 23/08/2025 20:50

Chill out
If he does not shower so what?
15? Send to games room

FozzieP · 23/08/2025 20:51

Personally speaking, it sounds like the holiday from hell before your kids start kicking off. Fancy going away with that lot - you're either a saint or I'm not sure what. A holiday supposed to be about a bit of family space (nuclear that is, not the whole caboodle) and relaxing, not perming everybody else's wants and needs which will never fit in with a 15-year-old girl's. No wonder your husband's cleared off for a quiet sit; I bet it wasn't with the in-laws.

Justjennb · 23/08/2025 20:51

I also have that same problem with my ds 11

Emonade · 23/08/2025 21:14

LittleLadyCece · 22/08/2025 15:44

Yes @Returnofjude thats what I thought as well. The friend is getting ready and as per the plan meeting up for the games room before tea but DD decides I have to go with her now…..honestly i just wonder where I went wrong.

sorry seriously need to sort myself out and stop blaming myself!!

I just really don’t think it is that bad? Just let her not shower? They sound totally normal

Kinglynn · 23/08/2025 21:34

I once gave my two kids (12 & 15 at the time) and husband a note that said Mum on strike. I then picked up my book and went and sat by the pool. 3 hrs later I had the best behaved daughters ever on a holiday.

AnotherDayAnotherDog · 23/08/2025 21:53

dimsiaradcymraeg · 22/08/2025 15:46

So where is the friend? Why is DD ready and her friend isn’t? Are you all sharing a room?

If 10 year old doesn’t want to shower - leave her to it. After a few days she’ll soon realise.

Basically you need to let go and go and sit with DH while DD15 and friend takes your DD10 to the games room.

Lots of suggestions and comments on here OP, is anything being useful?

mumandgran24 · 23/08/2025 21:58

LaDamaDeElche · 23/08/2025 19:56

And there are plenty who turn into nice normal people and are horrible when they are teens. I have a friend who has three kids, all raised the same. One was a horrific teen and is a lovely young adult. One was fine as a teen and barely acknowledges the existence of her parents as a young adult and behaves like a teen in her early 20’s. The teen years hit hard for some and it’s not about what you would or wouldn’t put up with. For some the hormones hit hard and they are awful. Unless you’ve had one you have no idea.

Show quote history

Definitely our eldest was tough as a teen, we took her to Disneyland Paris and for that holiday and the ones after she was called the grumpy teen and was forever on her phone.

Now she is an adult has a lovely partner and recently had a baby and is a lovely mum who even said sorry for being so hard work on holidays when younger lol.

Been away with her and her partner which was good fun as she encouraged her teen siblings to enjoy themselves and next year we are all going away with the Grandchild as well to Disney and as all are grown up will definitely have a few times and meals just the two of us lol.

Had 4 kids all were brought up the same way to be polite, have manners and behave themselves. All were completely different teens. Some harder than others. Kind of have to let it wash over u a bit.

pizzaHeart · 23/08/2025 22:07

I hope you are ok OP and had a chance to relax over dinner. I wonder if it’s a general stress of wanting everything perfect and right affecting you and you feel judged by a friend and your relatives.
I personally wouldn’t go on a holiday with so many people, I like to have my own space, maybe it’s not for you as well.

Molko1503 · 23/08/2025 22:19

I have 3 autistic children with ADHD. I have autism and ADHD. Your current position sounds like bliss. We have to fight for every toothbrush, every hair brush, every shower, every get dressed, every eat, every med, every last damn thing of every day… my house is a warzone and trying to keep everyone’s sensory issues controlled and everybody regulated is a non stop battle.

15 year old won’t go without you? She doesn’t go. 10 year old won’t shower? Smell like chlorine. Don’t let it ruin your holiday.. it sounds pretty normal and I don’t think anyone is doing it to spite you? I don’t think they’re really doing anything to hurt you to be honest.. they’re being kids. Seems like a strange reaction, unless I’ve missed something.

SouthernNights59 · 23/08/2025 22:23

You are creating a lot of stress for yourself here. So what if your youngest doesn't have a shower? The world won't end. Just tell your oldest that you aren't going to the games room with her and walk away.

Your DH seems to be the only one with any sense!

Laurmolonlabe · 23/08/2025 22:41

I'd say- do what you like I'm having some me time- and go and do something you want to do. Make it clear you are not really interested in their behaviour and keep clear of them-they will come to you, and give you less rubbish if you value yourself and your own free time., if you don't value yourself they will follow suit.

Choclabratwatowner88 · 23/08/2025 22:44

I feel like it’s like a right of passage for teens to kick off on holiday. I’ve seen it a lot online and from friends. DS was the same the last 2 years, because he wasn’t enjoying the few things we had wanted to do, meant one of us had to go with him elsewhere and it wasn’t really fun ( he has asd) this year he chose not to come and honestly it was a good holiday, I know that sounds bad but I actually managed to relax, not feeling tense. Dd 12 was much more relaxed. We are going to USA in April so he’s well up for that because it’s something he’s always wanted to do.

Minglingpringle · 23/08/2025 22:46

This “I’m a good person” idea is half your problem. All kids are annoying and behave disappointingly from time to time. You’re really raising the stakes by feeling sorry for yourself and telling yourself your life should be perfect because you’re a good person. The two things are totally unrelated. Chill out. The kids’ behaviour is not that bad and doesn’t really matter at all. Anyway, even the best parents have kids who don’t do exactly what they want at all times. Let it go.

Nantescalling · 23/08/2025 22:54

Your DH attitude is the typical man reaction - run for the hills. In this instance, I think he's right and you should just go off with a book too or even join him with a bottle of beer. Kids are a joint deal. Mum shouldn't be expected to handle everything. The kids are probably spoiling his holiday too but you need boundaries around the two of you.