On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

[LittleLadyCece]

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

Lock the bathroom door, finish your shower, get ready for having a nice evening out and tell the kids they can get with the programme and come with you and be pleasant or sit separately and moan all they like. If dd smells of pool it's not your problem. I reminded my dd that she gets over 13 weeks a year. I get 5 and I get to have a nice holiday when I'm using my precious days off.

I would be asking both your DDs for a “quiet word”.

DD15
(hissed through teeth) Listen to me you ungrateful madam. You are making an
absolute show of yourself. We have spent a lot of money on this holiday and kindly included your friend. This will NEVER happen again unless you pull yourself together and stop behaving like an absolute wretch. Nobody looks bad here other than you.

DD10
(More kindly spoken) Get in that shower now unless you want your hair to go green and your body will end up dry and spotty from the chlorine. Google pictures of chlorine rash if necessary.

As for DH, I would be booking myself for a massage on his credit card. Also remind him that they would be 50% his problem if you were to divorce.

I assume the 15 yr old is requesting you go now so they have endless money?
they would be getting told to knock it on the head and go with their mate

Sounds hard. Teenagers are very similar to babies, when they make a noise they're likely hungry or tired or both. I bet both will be better after some food and feel silly for their behaviour.

Negotiate with the 10yo that she can leave the shower now as long as she has one before bed.

I 💘this post!

I never battled with my kids over showers on holiday, lifes too short, let 10 yo stay with chlorine on her. With 15 year old I'd tell her that you are on holiday too, and she needs to let you relax and enjoy yourself, the world doesn't revolve around 15 yo and she needs to be told this. Simples - job done, now go read a book and enjoy your holiday.

I have reared 4 normal children and seen a LOT.

You accept bullshit from them, you will get more.

We teach them how to treat us.

Mine have treated me well because I wouldn't accept anything less.

Stop being nice.
Stop being soft.
Stop being tolerant.
Do nothing for them.
Stop any money.
Tell them both that you will not tolerate their bullshit any longer and that the consequences for their behaviour will be something they won't forget.
Tell them no money, no phone packages, no wifi, no lifts, no junk food.

Tell your husband to get off his arse and parent.

Stop playing nice. With some children it just makes them think they can walk all over you.

If her friend is uncomfortable, ask her would she prefer to go home? Then take her.
Maybe that is the shock your daughter needs.

I don't get the bringing a friend either on family holidays.
Just not something we would do.
Its only a couple of weeks, kids can survive with siblings.

Oh and total agree with others, let her stink if it gives you peace.

Goodness these things are so
minor ! Just ignore them . As for getting out of the shower half way ? And declaring yourself a ‘good person ‘ ! Drama !!

Discipline. Get in the shower or face the consequences. Plus chlorine is so bad for hair and skin.
Tell 15 year old NO.
Enjoy your shower, get ready and deliver children to DH- Go off on your own to a beach bar and have a cocktail. If that’s not possible now then do it tomorrow! Go in the afternoon.

Yes if you go around wailing a woe me, “Im a good person, why do bad things happen to me..😭😭😭” attitude you are a hairs breath away from sounding like a another one of
the children.

We’re all different I guess. I wouldn’t be insisting a 10yo had a shower on holiday if she didn’t want to. But I agree, I wouldn’t be going to the games room with the 15yo.

I want to know more about this tbh! Sent them home. From abroad? That’s brave.

I do relax the boundaries on holiday so we can all have a good time. If youngest doesn't shower it's not the end of the world. Unless 15 yo has disabilities they should be able to go to the games room without you. Try and relax a bit more and when the holiday is over give them a talking to and whatever consequences you think suit how they behaved on holiday. At their age they are old enough to learn from delayed consequences unlike toddlers who need immediate consequences.

Pack 15 yr old off to games room with friend - just tell them to go. Leave 10 yr old unshowered - won't die of this but will itch a bit later, tough luck - and send down to dh to parent (pos take down and dump if you are worried might get lost). Get ready and go to the bar and have a double G and T or whatever your poison is!

I agree with all of this.
This behaviour didn’t just happen overnight. It happens cos they know you’ll put up with it.

I think DH has the right idea tbh. Finish getting ready (I have no idea why you stopped) and go and sit by the pool with a book/go for a walk. Tell the children you want some quiet time to yourself and let them sort themselves out.

Honestly, the children don’t get to choose. Especially the ten year old regarding the shower. Are they used to just doing what they want? My ten year old would be in that shower pronto, no argument.

Also get their father back to reinforce your parenting decisions. He doesn’t get to opt out.

I hope things improve. That's the thing with holidays. They can be really stressful and everyone can let themselves down, then the next minute you are looking at a sunset with a cold beer, a warm breeze, and beautiful food heading your way. And everyone is happy and relaxed.

You can go to the games room when you are ready and only if you so choose. The shower thing is tricky. Good luck with that. I have no wisdom. Next time get the hell out before DH.

You don't deserve the crap you are getting, so just say no. The older one can wait until you are ready or go ahead on her own or with her friend. The younger one gets no supper unless showered and changed.

A swift short heavy bollocking to the pair of them! …. Rain hell on them to bloody behave themselves!

I feel like this kind of thing probably happens a lot and OP always gives in which is why her kids have come to expect it. It probably just hits harder when she’s on holiday and supposed to be having a good time. Personally I think husband has the right idea - book by the pool and leave them to it. They’ll soon learn when you stop pandering to them.

You need to pick your battles. Oldest can go to games room by herself or with her friend, youngest can shower a bit later. If it's only 6, they've got hours to shower before bed. Your kids are old enough they don't need babying. I'm assuming hotel? I'd be following DH to the pool for some peace....

Your 10 year old doesn’t want to shower, so let him be, no big deal.

ignore your daughter. Literally dont listen to her and get in either whatever you need to do.

I'm surprised at the number of people who would leave the 10yo unshowered - a full days suncream and sweat and chlorine, there's no way I could leave my DC to do what they want when it comes to showering soap dodging