On holiday - I’m a good person and do not deserve this

[LittleLadyCece]

Currently away abroad on holiday with extended family - me, DH and 2 DDs, my parents, DB, DSIL and DN. My children 10 and 15 are being horrendous. Youngest currently refusing shower after being in the pool all day, eldest who we’ve paid for a friend to come too also kicking off as she wants to go to the games room with me before going for tea……I’m half showered and clearly not able to do anything! DH pissed off with everything and just left to go read by the pool.

Im a good mum and person and feel like I don’t deserve all the crap I’m currently getting. I don’t know why I’m even writing I don’t know what I expect people to say other than a hand hold.

my DDs just seem to be such hard work and really mean to me. They have all the love and attention I can give them I don’t know what more I can do.

sorry I’m just at the end of my teather and feeling sorry for myself I suppose 😫

Why can the older child and friend go to the games room without you? Most 15 year olds do their own thing on holiday. As for tea, you can make a cup of tea indoors surely, don't have to go out for it. Go out for a meal together later after you're relaxed if that's what everyone wants.

1 Shower (at length, if you want)
2 Dress (take your time)
3 Make up (if you can be bothered)
4 Grab book (or iPad)
5 Go to bar
6 Order drink(s) and settle down
7 Tell everyone else to bog off until tomorrow (or even longer)
8 Breathe and enjoy

Don’t force youngest to shower after pool, she’s prob tired from sun and will do it later. I don’t understand the oldest daughter’s predicament, friend doesn’t want to go to game room with you and daughter? Not a big deal but don’t bring her next time. DH is an AH but YOU go to the pool (not with him) and have a drink and read a book. Youngest has room key right? She stays in room and rests/ watches TV/ plays on phone.

Pandering to them is where you went wrong. She's 15 fgs.

Wondering if your 15 year old needs to speak to you privately without her friend there and going to the games room is just an excuse. X

Walk away op. Let go. Go and sit down, it is your holiday too. They are not young needy babies or toddlers. Let them do what they want re washing/entertaining themselves. You do not need to involve yourself in this. Relax.

Ignore all of them and go and order a cocktail. Have a fab holiday!

Ah mine are similar age girls ,
it's not an easy stage. I have huge sympathy Try to stick some headphones in with something uplifting to make yourself feel better. Michelle Obama take on raising kids was an interesting one i listened to this holiday. This too will pass xx

Mom, you need to switch to vacation mode, everyone else has. Relax, enjoy yourself.

Big hugs to you. It sounds crummy and YANBU to be upset. If you need to, just go and soak in the bath, with a book and ignore them. They are 15 and 10 and can sort themselves out while you de-stress.

I think OP is using tea in the Northern way, meaning dinner.

If you need to say it are you?! And ignoring the body autonomy of youngest over a very pointless shower would indicate some work to be done e

Why does your 15 year old need Mummy to go to games room with her? Unless you drip that DD has SEN's she should stop being a baby and go on her own. Your yougest kid can shower later before bed. I'm lying on a beach with 2 foster DC with SEN's and a friend of eldest DS who is deeply autistic. Apart from food being difficult with deeply autistic DC they are playing volleyball with locals on beach even though they don't understand language locals speak. They have swam in sea. 1 is listening to football match on radio and we'll stop to play patangue on the way back to house. I let them choose in turn which they want from beach, swimming in pool, market and river ride on boat, maze etc. All have to do the same and DH and I get a turn to choose too. Everyone seems happy and believe me I was very worried about taking FS's friend because I know how fussy he is with food. When we eat out he will only eat plane burger in bun and chips. But so far going quite well. Your DD sounds spoilt and babyish. Your DH needs to be all in with caring for DC too.

10 year old, don’t bother about the shower, 15 year old say no. Get yourself down to the pool with DH and chill. DC will all be ok, it’s your holiday too.

Channel your inner Ellen Griswold, tell them all to piss off and go and have fun on your own. They will soon realise.

They really aren't like babies. That's on your parenting!

Really simple - stop pandering to them.

Tell 10year old you will tell lifeguards she refuses to shower and she will not be allowed in the pool as she's dirty

Totally understand how you feel OP. You’re worn down by it all. Going on holiday with teens is my worst nightmare. Our last few hols have been utterly miserable. No more hols away for the next 11 months and I’m thoroughly pleased with that decision. They don’t deserve it.

Agree with all the posters saying disengage and go relax with DH. I’ve learned this the hard way. Pandering is a big mistake. Hope you get to enjoy the rest of your holiday, focus on yourself and DH rather than the kids.

lol

Youngsters often don’t want to shower - can she miss it for today? Can the two 15 yos go to games room alone, or wait til after dinner? I hope you get to relax!

Maybe the 15 Yr olds have fallen out? We took my DS's friend to France and they fell out on the way and never spoke again (ever). The 'friend' was affable and did everything right and that just made my DS worse, though now I think maybe the 'friend' was winding him up.. So glad it was only a long weekend. It seemed longer.
Detach OP.

I had some horrible holidays with my daughters. They used to moan and kick off all the time. When they reached about 18 they both transformed into delightful people, very considerate towards myself and others, and now they're mums themselves we often all go away together with their children and spouses. Don't sweat the small stuff, don't fight unnecessary battles (like showers!). Keep them safe but other than that let them get on with it.

Because kids bring you down and you wonder why they’re treating you like that. If you don’t have kids like that you don’t get the constant need to justify to yourself that you actually don’t deserve the treatment you’re getting.

Do less for them, and more for yourself. It will help them view you as a person and not just an entity to do things for them and shout at, but more importantly do it because you deserve some time to relax and enjoy yourself x