How do you describe being a stay-at-home mum to others?

[Stillhoping1990]

What do you say when people ask when are you going back to work or what do you do for work? Do you just say I’m a stay at home mum? Or is there another way of saying it? I’m always finding I need to then go on to justify my choice etc. A friend of mine calls herself a ‘home maker’.

I say I’m taking a career break

I just say ‘I’m lucky enough to be a stay at home mum’

I settled on
I’m at home with the kids for now.
For now seems to soften the awkwardness.

This.

I used to say "I'm a stay at home mum".
I now say "I'm a carer for my daughter who has autism" (she's almost an adult).
I can't remember when I made the switch.
But you know what..... people aren't actually that interested and don't really care what you do in life.

Yes ‘the awkwardness’! Why does it feel awkward and uncomfortable?! Especially when telling working mums that we are stay home mums? It feels weird!

Why does it feel awkward?
Seriously....no one really cares.
You could say you're a heart surgeon or an award winning artist or you run a business with 3 million employees but people will still just nod and say "oh that's nice".

I tended to go with that it's what works best for our family. Remember people raise children under different circumstances.

When people asked when I was going back to work I said I’m not. If they asked what I did for work I said I didn’t work as I chose to be home with our children. I didn’t find it awkward. If they’re judging or being weird about it, then that’s their issue. My FIL used to ask me regularly as I think he saw it as me doing nothing while his son worked to support me.

I say I'm a domestic engineer who specialises in food technology (cooking) and plumbing (toilet unblocking!!)

some people do care though. No denying it. You’re lazy because you’re not working yourself to the bone and only seeing your kids to tuck them in at night like they are.
I find it incredibly awkward when people ask when I’m going back to work (this is my second child with a big gap between the first one) so try to avoid talking about it.

Nobody has to justify a choice.

This. Technically I do the paperwork for my husband’s business (some of anyway, we’ve a full time admin assistant too, worth her weight in gold) but I feel beyond lucky to be a SAHM. Wouldn’t even remotely cross my mind to feel awkward or embarrassed or anything like that, why would it?

I say I’m a stay at home mum for now while they are little. I will go back to work one day when they are older

I mostly said ‘I’m at home with the boys for now’.

Sometimes, if I wanted to make a point, I’d say ’I’m not in paid work’.

Most people probably do have an opinion (which they may or may not say out loud) but unless it actually affects their own life no one really is that interested in what others do.
It's generally just polite small talk when this comes up.
If you do have some people in your life making you feel bad - just ignore them 🙂

I was raised in a strict religious community sheltered from the current opinions of the outside world, you have children young and staying home with them is the ideal. So when I became a stay at home mum at 16 you can imagine my shock when over the years I discovered most people see stay at home mums as incredibly lazy. I’ve experienced outright hostility over it.
The average mother going back to work before their baby is one was a huge shock my own mother didn’t go back to work until my youngest sibling started secondary school. (No judgement from me it was just a shock after growing up so sheltered)

Dressing it up is what will get th4 judgement, it’s cringe. Just own it, say you don’t work, it’s fine.

@Lolcow I'm sorry to hear you've experienced hostility.
I'm shocked to hear it and genuinely surprised as my personal experience is (as I have said) that no one really cares or is that interested.
I hope you are ok now after experiencing that 🙂💐

I just say I'm a SAHM. Never crossed my mind to be embarrassed about it.

I’m definitely not embarrassed and I’m so proud and feel incredibly lucky to be a stay home mum. But that’s why I feel awkward - because I know the working mums may feel a bit envious or something. I don’t ever plan on going back to work, even when the kids start school I will still stay home.

Respectfully, that suggests major self-esteem issues.

Ah you’re judgemental about parents who go back to work then? I don’t know many working parents who only are seeing their kids to tuck them in at night.

When I was one I just said I wasn't working which was true no one else cares really

It’s a privilege to even have the choice we know but sometimes you just need to own it, and be completely unapologetic.