SAHP with all kids in school

[whatamidoinghereanyway]

I work from home just a couple of hours on the mornings when I can, recently I've had to wind down my work to look after a sick relative. I've decided that at least until September I am doing nothing apart from caring for my home and family.

Life has been so much better and it has made a massive impact on our quality of life, we really do not have lots of money...but have 'enough'.

My children are 14,13,9 and 6. I've been helping with homework, revision, exams, going to school, building relationships with friends, teachers and in the community. I already volunteered At 2 of my children's schools so I will continue with that. We are all really happy and my husband prefers the situation too so he can focus on his job and know things are in hand at home.

Why then do I feel so ashamed of telling people?! I've even considered lying and saying I'm working when I'm not. Please can I have reassurance that I'm not alone in wanting to be there for my family, especially now I have two teenagers.
I'm extremely fortunate we have a main wage earner in the family.

I'm a part-time worker in a professional job. My children love that I'm home a lot of the time, and are delighted if I get a day off for working weekends. My mother-in-law looks after them in their own home and everything's hunky dory. It's the ideal work-family balance. I would never, ever criticise somebody for not working out side the home (you are working very hard anyway looking after children), you are doing a good job.

Things are now set to change. I am 46, I am in line to get a promotion at work. This is a promotion I've always wanted - only catch is I'll have to return to work fulltime! The children (aged 15, 13 and 9) are not happy. So it's something I need to think strongly about! I don't know if I can go from being a mum to a careerwoman!

I have been at home since being made refundant when I had my daughter 8 years ago. I have really enjoyed being able to take her to school & attend all concerts etc.
My son starts in September and people keep asking what I'm going to do............. Well, I'm going to do the same for him.
I am lucky enough to be able to do this for my children.
I have thought about getting a job but something to fit in with the school day is always in real demand!

Redundant 🙄

I have 1 DD and work full-time. I'd never look down on someone who was a SAHP. Especially someone who had four children! Don't feel ashamed.

I have 4 DC, the youngest is going to start reception in September. I am fielding comment after comment about what I'm going to do for a job and the sneers when I say nothing yet.
I had my first child at 19, went to college around being at home for her. I've worked evenings and weekends at jobs I hated when DH and I were skint so I could be at home with DD and DS1. I retrained and worked 9:30 until 3 term-time only in-between DC2 and DC3.
Me staying at home has meant DH has never needed to take a day off to look after a sick child or rush home to pick a child up from childcare. He can go on trips away for work, work late at branches and stay over when its stock take without worrying about who will have the children. His career has gone from supervisor to assistant manager to manager to area manager.
So yes too bloody right I'm doing nothing and enjoying a bit of time to myself for a change. I'm 35 of course I plan to work eventually but I want to have a good think about what I'm going to do first.

Good for you 😀 people are jealous that is all 😀 lack of brain cells I've been called worse 😂 I couldn't care less what they say I would rather be at home than some dead end job like half of them that just don't want to be at home because they can't cope with kids all day I've seen a lot of it and they admit it so hold your head up ladies 😀😀

I have 2 DC age 12 and 7, haven't worked since I had DC 12, I love being a stay at home mum, I understand it's not for everyone, I judge no-one for doing what suits them and their family..

Whenever I'm asked what I do all day I say watch This morning, meet friends for lunch, potter about the house, yoga, I get a lot of these faces😱

I feel no guilt, water off a ducks back, we do what suits us, my DH and I made a joint decision that this is what we want for our children, others opinion is not required here.

being a mother is full time work- wish the government would see this!...yes you are fortunate you can do this and i bet a whole load of other mner wish they could do this as well
enjoy this time with your children making memories ...they'll be leaving home before you know it

You could take the p*ss and make it up? Tell them you are earning 6 figures as a secret shopper at luxury hotels and michellin starred restaurants

Honestly, it's a completely valid choice to make regardless of the age of your children to be a SAHP and a Carer to boot.

You need to [imo] develop a thicker skin and stop caring so much what people think. It's got nothing to do with them.

Up until September this year I am embarrassed to say I would have been very of a SAHP with school age children. I'd have thought, 'how lovely to have all that time to yourself' and then DS started school. I work 4 days a week and have a younger DD in nursery for that time and fuck me it is hard. Nursery was a breeze. Open pretty much 365 days a year from 8-6 feeding my child all the required meals. Now I leave work (early) to pick up DD then DS from after school club, home, make tea, homework, bath, reading, bed. It's relentless and I am stressed, shouty, nagging mummy.

And then there is school. Mother's Day Tea at 2pm, Nativity at 2pm, school holidays....make this, costume that etc. I think if you are a working parent life becomes infinitely harder once your DC start school.

DH is wonderful and despite having a higher profile, more (time) demanding job than me we split the pick-ups/drop offs 50/50. He is incredibly stressed and we are now in the enviable position that I can probably give up my current job for the short term and look for that utopian role that fits around term terms. This will benefit him, me and our children - which to be honest is all that matters to me. [I say in complete naivety!]

Posted too soon.

You will never please everyone so stop worrying about it.!

There was a time a few year s ago when I would have felt ashamed to tell people too....not because I thought being a SAHM was something to be ashamed of but because the govt. and media made it appear that way.

I left uni aged 21, worked until I had my first child three years later and then stayed at home until 18 months ago, when I found a part time job in a cafe.....school hours and term time only (practically unheard of unless you're a teaching assistant).

However, I've recently left due to minor health issues but which made it pretty impossible to keep working there and also because my DS has been diagnosed with ASD and so, with a husband who leaves for work at 6:30 and doesn't get home until 20:30 ish, me staying at home and planning appointments, doing housework and cooking, leaves me some down time to distress from the ASD melt downs and everything that goes with that!

I don't feel guilty anymore because our family is much happier like this. We are a team and whilst DH and I sometimes have gripes at each other, generally the house and family run much better this way.

Being financially fortunate enough to have a SAHP isn't something to feel guilty about.....it's a positive and it's lovely for your children too.

I forgot to mention......I don't believe anybody who says they would carry on working if they won the lottery. Perhaps volunteering but not paid employment.

I'm a SAHM with a 12 year old dd. I also have chronic health problems. If I were to try to work our family life would be a lot poorer, my dd likes coming home to a chat about school, can have friends round any day, go to clubs etc. Dh has never had to take time off work if dd is ill, I get most of the housework and shopping done so evenings and weekends are relaxed family time. It works for us. I also don't have the stress of letting down an employer on the days I feel really poorly.
Still find it difficult when outsiders ask what I do all day!

You don't have to justify your life choices to anybody op.

But there are two things that really niggle me whenever this subject comes up on MN.

First is that some SAHMs say 'I'm lucky that DH earns enough that i dont have to work' - and that 'people are just jealous'. To me that suggests that every working mother is only doing it because she has no choice. Personally, i have a job i love and do it because i want to. We could live perfectly comfortably on one salary, but i love my job and life just the way it is, so have never considered stopping just because i don't 'need' to work.

Second is that it never takes long for somebody to say that being a mum is a full time job, they are busier than somebody at work, etc. Well imo that is bull. Stay at home if you like, or don't, but don't 'justify' it by saying housework and family stuff takes up a whole day, five days a week. I manage to fit in all that and work and i sure aint superwoman.

Don't worry about it OP.

I am a SAHP - but my DS is 18 and about the fly off to University.

It's fine - I have plenty to do. DH works very hard, and long hours. I look after the house, cars, sort out the holidays, bills, repairs etc. I also have a lot of leisure time.

Works for us.

Ds is nearly 15 and I don't work outside the home. I worked for a year when ds was 6 and tbh our whole family works better with someone at home during the day. Seeing as dh is the big earner it makes sense I stay at home. In the next couple of years I plan to retrain with a view to working from home but at the moment everyone's happy and it works really well. We've got a piddly mortgage so we're really fortunate so we're comfortable.

'I'm not working at the moment' covers all bases if anyone asks and even if you worked 60hrs a week someone would have an opinion, you can't please everyone and neither should you try.

Its so hard isn't it, but so true, especially the poster who said the cleaning for someone else or looking someone else'e kids as work is valid, whilst doing the same or your own family isn't, I mean seen as valid. I am very limited in what work I can do around the kids, husband works shifts, no family support, husband works weekends and evenings. At the moment I am working for myself again as I between contracts and it is so hard not to worry about the future and to feel valued. All the things about work and stress etc, things actually getting harder for parents when kids go to school is so true. Also true that we cannot win but I think there should be less judgement overall so maybe we could feel better about our choices.

I have been a SAHM since my oldest of 4 children was born 15 years ago. I love it and I see my job as 'nurturing the next generation'. This has allowed my husband to become very successful in his chosen career (lots of travelling) and statistically our family set up means my children are more likely to become happy, productive (tax paying!!) members of society. I also volunteer in my children's school 2 days a week, cook everything from scratch (which I love) , attend all children's school plays, assemblies etc, and ferry my dad to various appointments. I absolutely love my life and can assure anybody who thinks SAHP are lazy that I only go on mumsnet after school pick up and before making dinner as I am too busy the rest of the time! I feel very privileged to have been able to succeed and be so fulfilled my chosen career as a SAHM!! Be proud when u tell people and that will change how they view your decision!

It's really nice and encouraging to know that there are some people in a real life situation and who have similar opinions.
I can easily fill my time with both useful and stimulating things and activities that involve self care and care for the home and family.
I feel so much happier and more relaxed...and the situation suits my personality.
I'm sorry for the people who are too ill to work and who are caring for sick people.
I have recently cared for a close relative who passed away and no way could I have held down a job and given my family time.
I know there are so many hidden people who work and care for people throughout and at the end of their lives, sometimes when others can't because they genuinely do have to or need to work.

I have felt like this OP. There's a lot of postulating particularly on the internet that your rights to public services are because "I pay my taxess!". I have three DC, two of them are at secondary school and one in year 3. I have just managed to find a full time job as an LSA. It has made me feel validated which is ridiculous. I was a rubbish sahm. I am terrible at housework and baking. But I loved the little things. Just being at home with the kids in the holidays and being there for them has been great.

Don't be ashamed. We live in a society that brain washes us into believing we are only of worth if we are earning money. Be proud of and unapologetic about your decision. Attitudes will not change if we do not challenge them.

Well done and don't worry. Don't apologise or make excuses.

My advice would be to make sure your national insurance is covered. I am not sure of the rules. It used to be it was covered for so many years until children are of a certain age but one had to fill in a form. Then you can pay voluntarily to keep them up to date. Also, if you are your relative's carer does that entitle you to anything?

Try to make sure you could work if you wanted so later you have that choice.

Even if you are not working, try to have your identity from things you like and do for yourself not just the satisfaction you get from the childrens' lives.

It is no one else's business what you and your family choose to do. You don't need to explain or justify or make excuses or lie to anyone. My response would be "I am a sahp" and if pushed to elaborate, "We are doing what is best for us and our family". It's a pity, we don't have a "hide" button for real life like we do MN

This is proof that bringing up children isn't seen as a real job, as something important or worthwhile.

Whatever choice you make is fine. The only time it isn't fine is child is suffering and the parent could change the situation and doesn't. I'm not talking about struggling for money v the child having a parent home before anyone jumps on me.

I fell into being a SAHM and have been since pregnant with my eldest who is now 15. My youngest is primary school age. If I had been working things would have been extremely difficult given circumstances we have found ourselves in over the years, being at home to go the minute I was needed is and was worth any extra money I would have made.

Anyone who criticises anyone for their own choices that only effect their own family need dropping. My choice to stay at home with my three children has zero impact on you, (General you! not personal you) so no need for your opinion.