Trigger Warning - Would this make you uncomfortable? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

I think he sounds both tetchy (re swanning off to sleep in another room when denied sex), and crap in bed.
Personally I made myself a rule to dump a man the very first time I feel he's trying to unfairly influence or coerce me sexually, whether that's something like persistently trying a sex act you've said no to, or crying when you're not in the mood for sex (sadly I've met both these men). It's stood me in excellent stead, whingey coercive men don't deserve girlfriends
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

This needs shouting from the rooftops.

The fact he moved into another room when you declined sex would speak volumes to me. It's so early on and these are significant red flags. I'd cut ties with him and move on

If you felt uncomfortable then that's what matters and not what other people think. If he's already pushed your boundaries and made you feel this way then honestly it's not going to get any better. It's not unreasonable for you to feel how you do about it, others won't have issue with either of the encounters and that's also fine; but I'd walk away.

I find it so depressing what some women view as normal and acceptable in a sexual relationship. Seems it's not only men whose views on sex are addled by porn. OP I think you need to spell it out to this man, if you want to continue the relationship, that using you like a sex doll is degrading, dehumanising and never to happen again.

I don’t really mind the head holding but the update on the leaving the room and pressuring to have sex is definitely red flag territory. If you’re feeling uncomfortable around him and he’s being stroppy and weird so early on in dating then for goodness sake woman follow your instincts and throw this one back!!!!!!! Find a lovely nice man who you are crazy about!

Why is it depressing? for some of us its a turn on. We have different preferences

Was going to say that in the moment it probably felt almost natural to him to hold you in that spot so that he can climax. Not saying it was right, he should have communicated it.

But then read the follow up reply and, my God, he sounds a bit like a sex pest. If you don't feel quite right, it probably means that something is not right. Either raise the issues if you want to give him a chance and see how he takes it or dump him before it goes too far.

Good luck either way 🙂

I think the sleeping in another room is a clear red flag.

The head grabbing I'm not so sure. It doesn't sound like the OS was at all coerced by him (in fact the opposite) and only held your head as he ejaculated not during the act. It can be difficult not to at the point of orgasm as at that point it's physically painful if the penis isn't in contact with something.

I do understand talking about sex can be difficult but it doesn't sound like there was any consent at all from initialising to completion so no idea what to expect and you also say you think him inexperienced. A more experienced man in that sort of situation would probably warn you he is about to ejaculate to give you the choice to pull away before he needed contact.

You also said you don't remember trying to pull away or objecting which could be taken as consent to being held though it's also possible if you had given a sign of objecting he may not have released you.

Of course you're entitled to feel concerned about it and how he reacted to being told clearly would be a better indicator.

Though tbh he doesn't sound like a great catch in bed anyway and that's more than enough reason to dump him if you'd like to.

So are you dumping him then? I feel like the way you're reacting to the posters who are minimising this shows how strongly you're feeling about this. Surely you can't feel like shagging him again?

I didnt say it was ok i was asking for clarification

It can be difficult not to at the point of orgasm as at that point it's physically painful if the penis isn't in contact with something.

What?

Please remember that there are many women here with very low standards for men.

You find a man sulking off to another room as you won't give in to this attempts to convince you to have sex a turn on? Wow! Presumably you're on about holding your head, it's fine if people find it a turn on or whatever else, surely its something you discuss and not necessarily assume though? And if you do assume and someone talks about it with you and explains they don't like it doesn't seem that great if they don't really talk but instead just go sheepish.

My fault, there should be a question mark at the end of the 'it doesnt sound like' sentence.

The more you reveal about him the more he sounds like a dick (and not in a good way).

To be honest, porn-watching or non-porn watching (and there are still magazines, you know, he wouldn't need to be technologically great in order to 'see' porn), he sounds absolutely dreadful in bed. Are you sure he's ever really HAD any other relationships, and they weren't imaginary? Because he sounds a bit like his view of sex was formed by chatting to other fourteen year olds about 'what grown ups do'.

And yes, I would chuck him for the head-holding alone. It's akin to forcing sex in my view - like holding you down so he can carry on pumping when you want to move away.

Hi OP. I'm sorry you've been through what a lot of posters and yourself feel is a real sexual violation. Other people's likes/dislikes and boundaries really don't come into it, it's how his actions make you feel that are important.
I'm confused on the sleeping in other room scenario as I feel if he only wanted to 'finish himself off', he could have quite easily and quickly (as you've stated, he cums quite quickly) done this in bathroom then jumped back into bed with you and spent the night together as arranged. I don't think his only choices were to wank in front of you or spend night in other room. I agree with others that this was either him sulking or being massively manipulative - either way still a red flag.
Have you seen him since the OS incident and has there been further sexual contact or have you been fobbing him off until you make a decision about him?

Holding obviously the other one was a drip feed

Where was it said he sulked off? he said he'd stay in another room. If, as we all agree, it's a perfectly acceptable boundary to not want sex whilst staying in the same bed, it's also perfectly acceptable to decline to stay in the same bed, since it's early in dating where you don't know the person well, and men having very obvious sexual reactions...Is he not allowed to think...well that would be awkward, so i'd rather just keep it seperate!?

In the same way nobody is obligated to have sex, nobody is obligated to cuddle a person with an awkward boner that has already been declined. I'm no male apologiser but come on! If I invited a new man round and he said...I don't want sex but i'd like to stay in bed with you - jesus i'd feel awkward. Am I allowed to kiss him full on? Does he want to fool around or just cuddle? What happens if he seems turned on? Etc... What are the terms of this? I would definitely be saying, that's fine, i'll make up a spare bed for you. It keeps it clear, it means nobody feels awkward. It means no lines are accidentally crossed

It's not just the going to sleep in another room though.

First he seems to have assumed they were going to have sex so the OP had to correct him. The he continued trying to escalate it to the point where the OP felt she might have to leave to stop it.

At that point OP you should probably be glad he did go off to another room because he was already pushing your boundaries.

Then grabbing your head to lock it in place is pushing at boundaries again as is not apologising when you brought it up.

they might not seem like massive pushs at your boundaries but this consistent chipping away is either going to piss you off or lead to more situations where you end up doing things you didn't really want to do