Trigger Warning - Would this make you uncomfortable? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

It would make me more than uncomfortable and I wouldn’t see him again. Please ignore any minimising on here. I hope you’re ok.

Also, be aware there are some men posting on here. They are apparently straight so they’ve no idea and no reason to be commenting about how it would make them feel. They just float around mumsnet trying to erode women’s boundaries and mansplain.

That sounds horrific for a first sexual experience, it’s when he’s on his best behaviour as he wants to continue so he’ll do worse next time. Your updates about teh first time are also bad. Seriously don’t see him again it’ll get worse

I've already clearly clarified that was intended as a question not a statement.

There have already been comments that women feel the need to grab and hold on as they orgasm.

The overall lack of clear consent from both is concerning but I guess that is the risk when people are uncomfortable about discussing sex.

I don't apportion any blame to the OP and they are well within their rights to be concerned but without discussion misunderstandings will happen. Physical arousal isn't implicit consent to preform a sex act and in no way does performing OS imply consent to ejaculate into anyone's mouth but it may be very difficult to prevent your body doing what it needs to at the moment of orgasm especially with no boundaries established.

You changed it to a question because people said how disgusting it was. Convenient.

You’re a straight man and the question from OP is ‘would this make you uncomfortable?’ As a straight man, you can’t answer that, yet felt it necessary to plonk yourself in the middle of this thread. On numerous threads you claim to not want to make women uncomfortable but you just can’t help yourself. As many, many women have asked you before on various threads, please stop.

Spot on with this. I’m so fed up of this shit.

Men really love to use the "I couldn't help it, I got lost in the moment" line to excuse sexually assaulting women don't they? If you are unable to prevent your body from "doing what it needs to do" at the expense of a woman's comfort and safety you have absolutely no business ever having sex again. Vile creature.

It’s bloody sickening. Men seeking out posts like this to tell women how they should think and make excuses for bad behaviour.

The first incident (him holding your head) I’d personally find forgivable.

If you don’t like it then tell him so, and tell him not to do that again. I personally love having my head held like that but completely understand that a lot of women don’t. You’re still in the getting to know what each other likes sexually, so you do need to explicitly say NO if he does things you don’t like. You should have bit the dirty man!

The second incident though, where he left the room when you’d said no to sex is very disturbing to be honest. He was trying to punish you. That alone would had been my cut off. I agree with the poster who said that if you’re having this many uncomfortable moments this early into the relationship then it’s not going to get better. Listen to your gut xx

As a straight man I can see how the situation around OS might arise as described in the OP with a partner I was for whatever reason unable to talk about sex with before actually having it.

Further posts from the OP suggest the partner in question is not a catch on any level but that doesn't change my response to the question in the OP.

The OP is entitled to feel uncomfortable about any or all of the situation. As a straight man I'd be more than happy to snuggle with a woman I was hoping to become more intimate with (and have done so in the past) even if it meant feeling sexually frustrated and for me refusing to sleep together without sex is a red flag.

As for holding at the moment of orgasm it is a simple fact that men feel a desperate need for penile contact in that moment. If you don't believe me look up ruined orgasm and femdom (you might want to delete cookies after).

Who here has complete control of their body in the moment of orgasm? It is not only a male voice that had said that but you choose to single out mine.

Personally I would never dream of trying to silence anyone on MN because of their sex or sexuality.

To the OP I'd suggest the relationship is a non starter, the updates suggest he has little to no understanding or empathy and the ability to talk about sex before it happens is a wonderful thing.

This could potentially be improved with better communication. If you tell him you don’t like having your head grabbed that should be the first and last time that happens. If you tried to pull away, slap his thigh etc and he still didn’t stop the first time, then I would end it now if I were you. If sexual experiences are selfish in the early stages, I feel the guy puts his immediate sexual needs before anything else and it puts me off seeing him again. What about your pleasure? Did he offer to reciprocate?

If I was staying at a new man’s house purely due to circumstance e.g. difficult/expensive to get back due to transport options, I would make it very clear that it would be for this reason only when I was asking to stay. Same if I had my period etc. It’s not unreasonable for someone to assume the new partner is ready for sex once they start staying over otherwise. He needs to know you’re not quite ready (yet) rather than feel rejected and frustrated.

Should have bit his knob when he held your head in a vice.

I do not understand why men do the head-grabbing thing or try to force you to go more deeply or whatever; they seem to forget we have teeth.

OP, you're allowed to have whatever boundaries suit you, and I don't think you will be able to trust this man, so I'm not sure there's a future in the relationship.

Suggesting things for me to look up is just another way to make women like me feel uncomfortable. It’s repulsive. Decent men don’t do this, nor do they place themselves in the middle of threads like this or minimise womens experiences or spread the narrative that men can’t control themselves.

There was another post about something almost identical the other day. Different poster?

What have I minimalised? There was no discussion or implicite consent anywhere. I have repeatedly stated the OP is entitled to feel uncomfortable and end the relationship about any of it.

People, humans, both men and women cannot completely control their bodies at the moment of orgasm, that's obvious to anyone that's ever had one. A decent man would have warned her before ejectulating as a bear minimum if they were unable to talk about sex and boundaries before physically having sex.

For me the bigger red flag is him feeling unable to be intimate in a non sexual manner by sleeping together in a developing relationship. Something the OP minimalised, in error imo.

Don’t give that poster any attention. This is what he does on threads as lots of us know. Theres a few like it that gang around. 🙄

OP, I would dump this man. You’ve felt this feels wrong enough to post about.

hang around

The Romans recognised two types of penis-in-mouth oral sex: fellatio and irrumatio. Fellatio is where a person sucks and licks a man's penis, with the sucker being in control. Irrumatio is when a man fucks into someone's mouth, with the man being in control. When you consider fellatio and irrumatio as being different types of sex act with the partner in control differing for each type, the need for your consent when transitioning from fellatio to irrumatio becomes glaringly clear. You consented to fellating him. He then decided to irrumate you without your consent nor any prior discussion.

Irrumatio is predictably popular with people who like BDSM because of the power exchange involved. But it's agreed on in advance and a safe/stop signal (for example, the sub holding a bell to ring) established because the sub cannot speak with his/her mouth full and the sub must always be able to halt whatever's being done to them. BDSM also requires that the sub can completely trust the dom to stop when told. I don't think that you trust this man fully to stop, but you don't want to admit that to yourself.

Your disquiet is because he has imposed an act from the BDSM repertoire on you without prior discussion, consent, or basic safety precautions. It doesn't matter how briefly he did it for, it was a consent violation and a trust violation and shows his contempt for you.and your body. If it was a genuine momentary lapse of judgement, he would have checked in with you when you semi-jokingly mentioned it. He would have asked if you were alright and made it clear that he would not do it again without checking with you first.

Decide whether someone like that is someone you should stay with. And ignore the."cool girls" on the thread who try to tell you that you are overreacting. It's your life and your body at risk, not theirs. If you don't feel comfortable, It's for a reason. The really old (in evolutionary terms) part of your brain near the.back of your skull that spots danger is telling you something is wrong, and it's usually correct, even if the newer part of the brain at the front of your skull can't figure out why.

He is porny, pushy and manipulative.

He stopped and left the room though.

I would interpret that as manipulation @TheoTheopolis23 . He was demonstrating that he was not happy with you because you didn't shag him on demand, so he froze you out. He wants you to see his presence or warmth as conditional on if you shag him when he wants.

I suppose I feel like he didn't GAF about my consent at that point

Maybe he cared about your consent in that he deliberately didn't want you to have any.

It's quite disturbing really OP.

People, humans, both men and women cannot completely control their bodies at the moment of orgasm

I think they can control whether they're grabbing someone else's head so they can't move and are forced to swallow cum.

As a PP said, it's BDSM-y. And also a bloke that gets off on overriding a woman's consent.

I don't think he's a safe partner to have @TheoTheopolis23 x

If a bloke can't control his reactions during orgasm, it's on him to make accommodation for that. After all, he's the one who knows how he reacts. He might want to have something else to "grab" or he might want to warn his partner and ask if she is okay with the head-holding and having her mouth ejaculated into, which he apparently can't avoid doing 😒. What he doesn't get to do is decide that his lack of control means OP doesn't get a choice.

Collidascope
Agree with you. It's depressing how many men seem to 'lose control' or 'can't help it' when it comes to grabbing women, holding them down or in positions, removing the ability to withdraw consent etc during sexual activity, and it's equally depressing how many women accept this as normal.

usual NAMALT disclaimer before the 'but my wonderful husband isn't like that' posts happen

The second incident you describe (the one that happened first) would bother me more. That would have seriously put me off to the point I probably wouldn't have seen him again.

I agree with this. The assumption of sex & pushing boundaries would be a big 🚩 for me. However, I'm in the contingent that also wouldn't stay over (as an independent adult, rather than say, when I was a student) in a man's house / bed unless it had reached the point where we were having sex. I'm not sure why you keep writing scornful posts to those that have that position

You are clearly uncomfortable with him. You have your answer.